The Love of My Life Is Bipolar

I met my husband when we were 17 yrs old in highschool. Back then he was so fun and adventuresome. I fell head over heels in love with him. He was wonderful!  We got married when we were 21yrs old. He went into the Navy. I just thought my life was perfect. At 23 we had our first child- a son.  By the time my son turned 2 yrs old, my husband got out of the Navy and laid around the house sleeping all day.  I just didn't understand what was going on.  There was a couple of times when my husband said that he was ok and to run to the store and that he would watch our son, but when I would come home K was sleeping and my son was standing up on the kitchen table.  I realized there was something going on and that I couldn't trust him with our child alone.  He went to the Dr. and they gave him Paxil, and Trazadone- those didn't work. They changed him to Prozac and that didn't work.  Finally they diagnosed him with Bipolar and put him on Lithium.  He would take it untill he felt better and then get off of it. We almost divorced twice through out the years.  He finally went back to the Dr. and they gave him Seraquel -only because I just couldn't deal with things anymore. By this time we had twins and one of the twins died from SIDS when they were 4 mos. old and K was wanting me to focus all my attention on him and love him ect.  I just couldn't take it. So after they put him on Seraquel he got a good job and things were actully good for a long time, but now he is starting to revert into the old ways, I feel that he needs his meds increased and he doesn't think he does. He is telling me that he is going to quit his good job and become a defense attorney! A few months back he wanted to be a nurse, and before that a cop ect.  I'm about ready to lose it myself! I love him but not sure how much more I can take.  We have been married for 15 years now and I'm tired.  I miss the man that I married in the beginning, I miss my best friend, I miss the love of my life

Headevas Headevas
31-35, F
11 Responses Jul 13, 2008

Imo he could have PTSD

I 'm tired too. I just want to run away from it. Tired of fixing everything, having to smooth things over for the sake of myself and my children. I feel as if I deserve better now in my life. So lost I had to seek outside help. No one understands the hell I can live from time to time. I have been married for 25 years. He loves me I know. I just can't anymore. For my health and well being I can't anymore. I have lost myself in 25 years. Anyway thanks for sharing made me cry because it hit home for me.

"We have been married for 15 years now and I'm tired. I miss the man that I married in the beginning, I miss my best friend, I miss the love of my life".... all I can do is tear up at those last lines... It's like you pulled them from my head... :-(

i am misserable.i finally told him his morally insulting values,temporary or not are somthing i cant be with,and the lying and abuse.ofcourse hes gonna try to backstep but thats fine cuz i really dont wanna solve this anymore,not for relationship/marraige purposes,i will stay till i find a place for me n my 3 children,since he will not leave my appartment,n i will b supportive,but i wont be his again or backed into this painful corner/emotional rollercoaster.i have alot of love and patience to give to somone,the fact that I'M giving up on somone means they dont want help or are unhelpable.none the less my kids plus my sanity need to come first and finally enough is enough!!!honestly just knowing im no longer responsible to this up/down crazy/hyper/comatose/sweet then mean/evil/smart/vindictive/cold person/confusing/hurtful/insensitive/womanizing/selfish/conseeded person is relieving on its own n i havnt even moved out yet.even the fact that the mom wit 3 young children whos 23 has to leave because the man whos 30 wit two older children that are at his x wifes most time,the guy without real responsibility will not leave,just makes me more possitive about leaving.what kind of person is this?i have full custudy of my kids,they have nowhere to go,but hes more important.youre suppose to put your children before yourself clearly this man will never love them as i do,that is clear.i am excited about having my life back.he keeps trying to talk to me like everythings fine,but again he isnt bothered by me being hurt,or our relationship ending,which though its a gd thing because i want it over,i just sit here thinking while he tries to small talk and i say nthing back...."is it any wonder why i dont want this soulless heartless egotystical man child anymore?his tantrums alone but the lack of caring,when i was giving him everything...its just so glad im getting out while i am young n my children those women who have survived decades of this,you and your stories give me strength enough to leave,i am learning from what im reading about if you went back you wouldnt have done this again.i dont wanna be saying that in 20 or 30 years,in honor of you and myself i choose me seeing that its become clear this can be about only him forever,or i can live,truely live on my own,maybe someday when im over this...wit somone else.but i choose life.

Please keep in mind, that his medication may need changed over and over. He could have cluster of illnesses. The husband does that also. Extremely sometimes. For days. One medication may need to be lowered. Dont try to figure it out yourself, try to get him to the dr. EVERY month. <br />
I'm so sad for you. My husband needed a wake up call. When I left. He went back to the dr. And they adjusted his meds. I'll be praying for you

Married to a bi polar for 20 years-not much has survived. Not the people we were definitely. emotional rollercoaster, spent on emotions- life is drained out. I have found other support and have moved on mentally but could never leave him, because I know it his not his fault. But could I live with him, or love him ow- I can't and how much I have tried.<br />
I feel you need to move on. Find another point of reference-and move on like emotionally and mentally. There is nothing they can give because they only take. I am a mother, sister friend but he is not support ever.<br />
move on- learn to be happy- there is so much suffering in this relationship that you need to find places to smile.

i know how you feel. I hope things are starting to settle now. It can be very difficult and getting them to get their meds changed regularlly seems to be the trick but boy can that be a fight.

WOW! I can relate, I shared my story also, I'm new here, but what you say about wanting to be a doctor, a lawyer, indian's not funny, but I can giggle a bit because it so perfectly mirrors my own husband. He decided to wash dishes for a friend who just opened a restaurant, but in his mind, he was going to become partners with this guy and own half the place. When that turned out to be not at all what the other guy thought they had a huge fight and now they are no longer friends. He's quit every job he's had because he can't get along with others. I'm hoping for a diagnosis and medication SOON! Good luck to you, Hope to cyber-see ya around!

I know what all of you are going through! {{{BIG HUGS}}} to all of YOU!!<br />
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My husband has the mental illness of Bi Polar. I understand the nightmares that you deal with. I do understand how you feel and how your afraid of what is going to happen next. I understand how you want everything to be "normal" again. I have lived within the nightmares of his episodes. I know and do understand.<br />
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I am very fortunate that my husband does work daily against his mental illness. His current meds of Invega and Depakote are a miracle treatment for him. His Physician is also a Psychiatrist who understands and treats mental illness. <br />
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He goes to see a psychologist for counseling 1-2 times a month to deal with his issues. As a couple, we go to family counseling together with a Psychiatrist, so we both can understand each others issues and deal with them.<br />
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I do get depressed and/or anxiety ridden and am on medications to deal with my relationship with my Hubby! And I wouldn't trade him for anyone else!!<br />
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My suggestion....First and Foremost....Take time for yourself. Give yourself some time away from your situation. If you have children, find a babysitter or ask a family member to watch them for a few hours or the entire day. Even a day alone can do wonders. Seek counseling for yourself. You need to Take Care Of YOURSELF FIRST! You need to keep your sanity.<br />
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Best Wishes to all of you and if you need someone to "talk" to, I'm here!! :-)

jesus ,Im so glad o finally find women like me! i love my husband so much, he has shown me love like ive never known. but in an instant he ll leave me. and i m left with the the" what the hell just happened " this has happened so many times over the past 2 yrs. Does it ever get better.My counselor says yes it can but i m having doubts. i m also on the edge of insanity

My husband is bi-ploar, too!! I know exactly where you are coming from....I tried to leave two weeks ago, but he went crazy. I grabbed the keys and he almost broke my hand. He went out drinking (which is a big no-no on those meds). He came home screaming and cussing me in front of the kids. He decided he was going to leave, but I begged him not to get behind the wheel and drive. I was scared he was going to kill someone. I had to call the police, but he took off. I have realized that meds can help, but they will never cure this disorder. My life will never be normal or sane. I am emotional spent out. I have no more to give to this man. He has drained my soul for any love that I have had for him. There is nothing left to give, but yet here I am still with him. I keep waiting for that day that I will walk out that door and never return. <br />
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I do know where you are and no one understands till they walk in your shoes. The focus is always on the Bi-polar person, but never the ones who have to live with them. <br />
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So here I am picking up the pieces of the emotional garbage that he has left behind. I have to sweep them under the rug and tell my children that everything is going to be alright. I guess I better pat my husband on the back and tell him how wonderful he is and continue the cycle of hell that I live in.<br />
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Because it is a cycle, his cycle.