"you Always Blame Me For Everything! You Know I'm Under So Much Pressure! You Always Play The Victim! Are You Going To Cry Again?"

My eyes filling up with tears, I can't help but cry and feel sorry. Sorry that I'm apparently wrong again and wrong for asking him a question. Yet again, he says he wants a divorce. Is he serious this time? He asks me where I will be moving....I talk myself through every bad day, making excuses for his behavior- his job, his family, the pressure he is under... I look at myself in the mirror and remind myself that I am a good person and I am not as selfish as he says that I am and things are always not my fault. Then I ask myself, is this normal? I've been in relationships before and was never spoken to like this or treated like this. I get yelled at like I just burned the house down when I forgot to take the trash out or put my shoes away or God forbid, try and have sex with him. He will push me away and complain how tired he is and shouldn't I know this and respect him? I grew up in a physically and sexually abusive home but things were never THIS crazy. I knew what to expect in my family's home. I knew when the lights were out what was coming. But around here, I don't know which way the wind will blow his attitude. He blew up at me in the ticket line at the movie theatre and left me standing there with two tickets and bless the poor high school kid's heart that was ripping tickets.. He didn't know what to do or say. He apologized for my man's behavior and said that I could find a nicer boyfriend to take me out on a date. I help my wedding finger up and cried harder as I walked to the customer service desk. I forgot to put my hair straightener away when I went out with my friends one night and he came home to find it cooling off on the dresser and in a rage sent me text messages of terrorism saying how I had disrespected him yet again and he was going to the hospital because he burned his hand on my iron (it wasn't plugged in). I came home to find our bathroom sink filled with water and the flat iron broken in half and submerged inside. This was AFTER I had to pick the locks to get in because he had locked me out.

yogagirlly yogagirlly
26-30, F
3 Responses Oct 20, 2012

Sweetie, although it is not nice to use words like crazy I have to say "YES". If you stay - you are "crazy". Spent 16 years in a bi-polar marriage and it was only after I left that I woke up to the madness. Go and seek your sanity

I read your story and can't help crying. It sounds so similar to what I've been going through for the last 12 years. You are not alone. I am married to an alcoholic bipolar man and that makes life like sitting on a bomb with a lit fuse but not knowing how long the fuse is or when the bomb will blow.
In the early years he would drink a bottle of vodka a night and not remember throwing me against the wall and holding me there with his hands tight around my throat for not speaking to him at the right time or saying the wrong thing, or looking at him in the wrong way (the list goes on as I'm sure you'll understand); always my fault (apparently) and that I was asking for it. I've thought about leaving a million times, tried leaving a few times but here we are back in the black hole of this marriage; I even managed to get a job in another town and moved but he moved here too telling me he wants to work on things (and it will be better this time - are you familiar with this line?) that was 1.5 years ago and as you understand the life of the marriage to the bipolar man travels in circles.
I used to ask myself, while fighting back tears, how much was enough. He answered that question a few years back with another attack but this time police were involved and he went to jail - now this is also my fault because I rang the police - not his fault because he was the one who attacked me, again I apparently asked for it!
After 4.5 months in jail, and me visiting him evey weekend he came back home and things were fine for a while then it all came back - me being scared to come home as I didn't know which mood he would be in, and like walking on eggshells around him praying you don't do or say anything to switch his mood. Not so much physical now - more verbal attacks.
Now all throughout this time he also has a beautiful daughter to an unpleasant woman, she's almost 12 and decided at the start of this year she wanted to come and live with us instead (she has ADHD, but mainly just loses focus on things and has short listening span) - so now I live with the alcoholic bipolar man and my ADHD stepdaughter and I put them first 99% of the time making sure all their needs are met. Slight issue here, only 1% of the time do I put myself first, and when I do then that's me being selfish.
The amount of times he has equally told me the marriage is over and he's finding somewhere else to live (instead of the other way around as when I moved here I had the rental house under my name only so he can't kick me out!) but then decides he's in no rush and will stay here to spite me, with the only things coming out of his mouth being abuse ... Is it no wonder I've now got Depression and feel like this darkness of a relationship is slowly doing me in.
People will give you advice about leaving him etc, but I know it's not that easy - it's hard for the bipolar male to control his moods but it's much easier for him to control you, and when he's in a downer he'll make damn sure you are too. My advise is to find yourself a good counsellor to talk to, they'll give you the right advice at the right time. I also hope you have some loyal supporters - the type who know what you're going through and are there for you as friends - not the ones who'll sit and put him down, as you have to live with him, they don't. And take time out for yourself - even if it's only going out for a walk.

walk awya this guy has no respect for you hes a freak!! stand up for yourself you only have one life do not live it in fear your better then this!! easy for me to say but its what you need to do youll be happy with someone else you can let him push u around your ya own boss go found someone who is relaxed and you can feel relaxed around without pulling your hair out,,, it will only get worse darling sort it out move out when hes workign or something just leave ,, good luck x