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Looking Forward To Some Boring, Uneventful Days

I married a bipolar man. It became clear to me that something was wrong almost immediately after saying I do. He “woke up” one day as the “angry guy” and couldn’t put a finger on why. Then after a few days to a week he was the wonderful big hearted loving man I fell in love with. This pattern of nasty and nice continued on for the rest of our almost 20 years of marriage. He became unbearably controlling, nothing was ever his fault and his expectations of me and the people around him, only God could fill them.

There was a time when he refused to talk to me for three weeks because I “invaded his territory”….ie: I did yard work. I would think he might be glad that he didn’t have to do the work. But instead he said I disrespected him and didn’t speak to me for weeks. He constantly feels disrespected and offended; everything is always someone else’s fault and if things don’t go his way, there is hell to pay!

There was a brief time when he sought help, but the meds he took made him angrier. Instead of sticking with it and trying other things, he gave up on it and has refused treatment to this day with the exception of occasional “talk therapy”.

Four children and almost 20 years later I am filing for divorce. It breaks my heart that he wouldn’t get the help he needed years ago. But for the sake of the health of our children and myself….I need to get off the rollercoaster.
I am looking forward to some “boring”….peaceful days in the future.

mpm70

Mpm70 Mpm70 41-45, F 4 Responses Nov 27, 2012

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Good for u!!! U r making the right choice! I would leave mine too but right now I cannot. We don't have kids thank God so it's just me taking all of his evil behavior. But I am sooo tired of it n just want a real man who knows how to treat a woman. U will be happier I know!:) I hope that maybe one day I can be as well. Good luck to u & good job making the tough but RIGHT decision for u n your kids!!!:)

This also has brought me to tears. I have recently physically separated myself from my husband, after a violent night that involved alcohol and nearly costed me my life. For the 4 years we have been together, though we have been to counseling, he has never been diagnosed bipolar. After learning more about the disorder, I cannot believe I did not zero in on this sooner, he rates high in every qualifying category. I myself have not been the perfect wife, and have felt myself withdraw emotionally from him for over a year now. SO much guilt wrecks my soul thinking of leaving him, but I do not know how much more I can bare. I am depressed, and now seeking therapy myself. I do not want to stay in this relationship if I will find myself in Mpm70's shoes in 20 years. But I have great admiration for the time you spent fighting for your love.

Omg i was tearing up when i read this i could be you in twenty years i don't want to go through this anymore!

I completely understand. After 12 years on this downward spiral rollercoaster my sentence looks like it's coming to an end. I just hope I have time to get off the ride before it crashes. Mine is alcoholic and misogynistic as well so it makes for a very on-edge life.
i'm working on getting my story down - it''l take time as it always sends me back to tears - I grieve for the happy times but know it's time to get out - especcially since he's now driven me to depression (and sending his 12 yo daughter there too). For our sanity it's time to cut him free and let him realise the rest of the world isn't so supportive and tolerant

I'm sorry you and your daughter are going through so much. I totally understand. Mine has been so volatile recently that I packed my girls up and we are staying with family for a few days. Even after only a couple of hours one of my daughters said she felt more relaxed and peaceful. Do you have some family you could visit so you and your daughter could have a day of peace and rest?