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Don't Want To Stay But Can't Walk Away

I am married going on 20 years to my husband who Is a good person. He was recently diagnosed.
They were treating him for major depression but by chance I asked if I could go with him to talk to the therapist and I educated her on what was REALLY going on with him.
I was convinced that the Wellbutrin was not doing the job and that they were treating the wrong disorder.
But now I don't know what to do....how do I live with a bipolar person and keep a level of sanity myself?
This is by FAR the single most difficult of all of my challenges.
I need advice....is there a book or a website, a support group??
I don't want to stay but I can't walk away from him.
So I need to do something drastic....my heart does not hold a place for him anymore but mentally I still love him because he is a good guy...
Gam52 Gam52 51-55, F 4 Responses Dec 14, 2012

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I don't know if i could handle it for. much longer i feel so trapped i have four little ones who are all his and it.drives me insane the way his moods just swing. He hid it well for years while we dated then one day boom.

I am not a social media person at all. I came across your story and I couldn't believe someone was going through what I am experiencing.I don't know how to deal with this. I have two small children who have to experience this situation. I am disabled and need my husband to be sane. I am open to any input,concerns or help on this matter.

Its like 2:30 am and normally I don't wake up thru the night but for some reason I did...so I saw your post and my heart nearly broke into pieces...I am soooo sorry to hear you are going through the same thing WITH 2 little ones to have to witness it makes it 10 times worse!!..when my grandchildren are here and have to witness it I am always so embarrassed!! How do you hold it together in front of the kids??? If you'd like to share experiences and maybe ultimately some hope and encouragement feel free to email me, Much like you, i am not a social media person either...not AT ALL..I came across this site one night when I was googling the Internet keyword "help living with bipolar a disorder"....I didn't know where to turn...I was embarrassed and angry....I felt totally defeated and very lonely...I was confused, bitter and heartbroken! I'm sure you can relate to feelings of helplessness because it appears we are dealing with the same situation....contact me ANYTIME...wandakerns@gmail.com

My sentence has been 12 years, and a lot of the time it has certainly felt like a jail sentence. More downs than ups and, well I'm sure everyone here understands what that means. My husband - the alcoholic bipolar man with misogynistic tendencies - won't accept he has problems, won't see the Dr, won't take any meds or seek any help, blames me for EVERYTHING and last night kicked his 12 yo daughter out to go live with her mother blaming me and telling her he doesn't ever want to have any contact with her again. There is so much I could write about here about this relationship but that is too draining and its already driven me to Depression. I've just started counselling but before I could take his daughter to a session to help her he does this. The only upside is he's decided to leave too (although I hear this line year after year!). I just hope her beautiful daughter (who is too wise for her years) is able to stay in touch with me; and one day soon I get some sanity back in my life

18 years for me. She was diagnosed in 1995 shortly after we were married. I thought things would be better as soon as the bipolar was under control. The doctor gave her geodon in 2007 and that got the bipolar 80% under control. But 5 years into things being somewhat "better" I don't feel happy. I've put so much into it. I don't think I can leave her but I'm having trouble dealing with the problems that are still here. The 20% problem still overwhelms me. I just mention Geodon because it was literally 2 weeks and she was transformed for the better. It cost $500 a month though.

I'm glad to know things can improve...how did you manage to stay sane?

During the worst of it, I guess I was just stubborn. I didn't want to lose. I never paid much attention to my own feelings. It was my job to take care of her. But now, I don't know if I'm sane. I'm very depressed.