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Dr. Jekyl Or Mr. Hyde

when i met my husband he was so sweet, the perfect gentleman...he bought me things that had a personal meaning to me..wrote love letters..very romantic...i got pregnant and we got married....my mother in law told me he has a pretty bad temper...but i shrugged her off cause i had never seen it..we married a year later...in our third year of marriage he began to change...he couldn;'t handle the kids he was tired of it all...he talked of suicide...i was on the phone at work constantly...trying to calm him down and wondering omg it's not that serious is it???  what's wrong with him...i lost my focus at work due to the family problems and eventually was demoted...that did it...he went into a depression...he would sleep all the time...he had no energy no job no function...i became worried and self diagnosed him thanks to online research..i told him he needed help and what i thought was going on with him...he agreed and got diagnosed bipolar....the relief set in...the medication would work i just knew it...while it helped we went through a sexless period of time due to the meds...i hated it..mood swings that would pop up with out warning...the yelling..the hitting..thankfully none of us...but walls, doors...any inanimate object...in his rage he had destroyed things that have cost me money...and it hurts...i have been with him now six years and i am miserable at times...sometimes he shows us the man i fell in love with...but i never know who is going to wake up that day..will he still have a job tomorrow...he has quit quite a few jobs...and spent money we don't have..caused me public humiliation in his angry swings...i am thankful he has not hit any of us...i have threatened him with divorce if he loses this job he has now...he's been there six months...he's almost quit twice..but i told him there was a bus ticket waiting for him and that i would get the cops to get him out by force...i am just so tired of it...part of me wants to leave..but how do you walk away from someone who is mentally unstable.?..i know he won't let me go...it's that fear that keeps me from kicking him out...despite all of this...i hate when someone calls him psycho..or makes fun of him being bipolar...these people are supposed to be my friends and i look to them for support and they make jokes....i feel bad for him..because i know it's not his fault but how much can i take....2nd marriage and i am sacrificing my happiness yet again...i wish we could be like before but that will never happen...i tell him i don't see forever with you...i say things to make him hate me in hopes he will get tired of me and leave...it makes me ashamed....i just don't know what to do...i told his dr...if things dont' get better im going to be your patient,...i pray..i pray..and sometimes i get angry with God...why does he want me to be miserable...of course i know God doesnt want that for me..He gave me free will and i made my choice...i know He's there to catch my tears and give me peace of mind...that's all i want is MY peace of mind....i thought i was crazy for marrying this man...but..im not..i fell in love...and i have a good heart which is why im still here...why i haven't run away...yet..

deleted deleted 26-30 4 Responses May 9, 2009

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hi wholovesme:<br />
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I do. I love that I have found this web site. and I love that you are kind enough to share your story which is unfortunately so common for all of us.<br />
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and I could tell from your story that you know God loves you.<br />
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...i say things to make him hate me in hopes he will get tired of me and leave...it makes me ashamed<br />
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this is my only thought. please don't be less than who you are. you are a hardworking, loving person. you are seeking the best. do you really want to do or say anything that is not you as a way of influencing his behavior?<br />
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I find it so difficult to find understanding in the community without demonizing my beloved husband. But unfortunately that is how he acts often...like a demon. <br />
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So please let me share with you. you are loved. You are understood. You are doing GREAT. lots of hugs. AND please find physical and direct emotional support in your local area. You deserve to be cared for.<br />
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all the BEST!

wholovesme- your story touched my heart in so many ways. I feel your hurt and pain and admire you for staying with your husband even though at times I know the hurt must seem unbearable. <br />
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My thoughts are with you :)

:( My gosh! I am so glad I found this web site...I too have this problem. and feel your pain in every way :( I just had an appt. with a therapist.. my biggest fear is to have to share my son with him every other weekend and also the summer... when I think of havingi to let my son go with him a whole month during the summer get chills :( I wish we can chat one day because is sooo much what I have to let out... I live in the Dallas Ft Worth area, do you know of any groups out there to help? I'm really thinking of starting something a group gathering or something to help me deal with this.<br />
My personal e-mail is jm_babina@sbcglobal.net. my name is Mayela. God bless you!

Having read your story, I do understand how your feeling. It's tough when your an emotional wreck. My husband is also bi-polar. BIGG HUGGS to YOU!!!