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Medication Change

In so many ways, I have been fortunate.  My husband has accepted his diagnosis of Bi-Polar and was always faithful with taking his medication.

For the last few months, I have lived in fear and fell into a depression.  Fear that the new medication was not going to work and I would be thrust into in his manic episode. 

The medication change was necessary.  His side effects from his current meds at that time, were getting worse.  His hand tremors were so bad, he couldn't eat or drink without spilling on his shirt.  He could barely button up his shirts.  He couldn't write anymore from the shakiness.  He was fighting a losing battle and I knew it.  It made our hearts ached, as the side effects got worse and worse.  He was getting depressed and angered because he couldn't do the simple things with his hands, that we take for granted.

I was being selfish, but didn't want to face another one of his manic episodes. Their frightening.  He lives alone in his mind and I am an interference and a irritant to him. He does strange things.  The voices tell him to do strange things.  There is poison in the food.  The water tastes like urine.  The house has a smoldering fire underneath it.  There is a bomb underneath the car.  The dog talks to him.  He turns on all the burners on the stove and then leaves the house.  He turns up the heat when it's hot outside or turns on the air conditioner when it's cold.

I never knew from one moment to the next what I would face. While in a manic episode, he sleeps all day and awake all night and I was not looking forward to the sleep deprivation that I would experience.   Was I being selfish....I was, but I wanted my husband to enjoy his life again.  Enjoy the use of his hands.  He so wanted that too!

It has been a smooth transition from one medication to the other.  Sure there were some up and down days for my husband, as he was the one experiencing the medication change.  He doing great and his shakiness in his hands has decreased immensely.  I Love You my Dear Husband!

PeedeeDog PeedeeDog 12919 9 Responses Aug 2, 2009

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Hi,
I go throw alot of that.
And I have some bipolar.
And the shakeing is bad some time.
And have hard time eat.
And type.
I know how he feels and what that dieases does
it is bad.
And some time you don't think people understand
Hang in there.
And in there . You are a good wife.
And I understand about taste things I have times
with that. And nothing taste right to me,

Wonderful! I am so happy for you! I have been married to my husband for 25 years and I know from personal experience that there is hope for us! Stay strong my friends!

Finally, a story with some positvity!! I am currently struggling with the decision of whether to stay with my boyfriend of 3+ years, who was recently diagnosed with BP. It is nice to finally read something that doesn't say GET OUT! Although, I am still totally torn. Thank you for the upliftitng post.

Thank You for you r' uplifting and heartfelt story. I've just married a Bipolar man and have just recently experienced his first manic episode. I didn't know what was happening since the whole time I've known him he showed no signs of mood swings or other craziness. He takes a lot of medication but I think the wedding overloaded his stress levels. He flipped out on the honeymoon. I've since been told by many people that I should get out while I still can. All of the stories so far have said the same thing except for yours'. I still love my husband with all my heart and I know that we can learn from this and grow together. It makes me feel so much better knowing that there is hope for us.. Thank you and God Bless :)

I enjoyed all your comments and they all make sense to me!!! Bigg Huggs to Everyone!!

You are the greatest, love and hugs

Peedee, I have a friend who has Bi polar disorder,not quite as bad as your hubby but I know the roller coaster rider of med. changes, and the drastic, mood swings. I wrote a story about how I felt as a person who was trying to help and be there for him. The story is called "The Flip side", it's important for us to learn about their disorder to be better able to help them, but it is just as important for them to know what it is like for a loved one to live with this too. We share those swings,and emotional out breaks. I have copied my story for you I hope it helps you and your hubby, it helped us, honesty is always the best policy and now when my friend is in a depressed state, I can let him know I'm here and I love him and then I can give him the space he needs, and their is no quilt on either side. Good Luck , I hope this helps..He needs to know how you feel too. talk about it,and keep honest with each other.



Explain to me what goes through your mind. How the you of yesterday is so hard to find.Explain to me why that assured, enthusiastic light went out and a void of emotion filled it's place. Explain to me why my words fall on deafened ears, do you see me? Do you hear me and am I still someone who matters to you?Explain to me how I can help you find the person you were yesterday, re energize and give you hope once again. How do I open a window and let in the sun light and fresh air into a dark, stale and tired soul? Do you still know I care? I extend my hand and feel withdrawal in return. I give my heart fully and receive emptiness in return. Lord, help me know, feel, understand where it is you go, to be able to help you see through the cross wired, malfunctioning, confused state you slip into.Please see me, know you are not alone. see my hand and my heart, know my frustration in trying to reach you. Please explain how I can help us remain a we.

It's so clear that you love him, no matter what, and you want him to be well and happy. It's not selfish to want peace and safety in your home. That's reasonable and you deserve that. You are dealing with so much it's only natural you would be fearful of what could happen in another episode. I'm glad his meds are working and the transition went well. Happiness to both of you!

I am so happy for you...that this medication change is working well and your Hubby's hand shakiness has decreased. It must be so frightening to live in fear of manic episodes...for both of you. Now that the new meds are working, I hope you can see me smiling for both of you. :D