In so many ways, I have been fortunate. My husband has accepted his diagnosis of Bi-Polar and was always faithful with taking his medication.
For the last few months, I have lived in fear and fell into a depression. Fear that the new medication was not going to work and I would be thrust into in his manic episode.
The medication change was necessary. His side effects from his current meds at that time, were getting worse. His hand tremors were so bad, he couldn't eat or drink without spilling on his shirt. He could barely button up his shirts. He couldn't write anymore from the shakiness. He was fighting a losing battle and I knew it. It made our hearts ached, as the side effects got worse and worse. He was getting depressed and angered because he couldn't do the simple things with his hands, that we take for granted.
I was being selfish, but didn't want to face another one of his manic episodes. Their frightening. He lives alone in his mind and I am an interference and a irritant to him. He does strange things. The voices tell him to do strange things. There is poison in the food. The water tastes like urine. The house has a smoldering fire underneath it. There is a bomb underneath the car. The dog talks to him. He turns on all the burners on the stove and then leaves the house. He turns up the heat when it's hot outside or turns on the air conditioner when it's cold.
I never knew from one moment to the next what I would face. While in a manic episode, he sleeps all day and awake all night and I was not looking forward to the sleep deprivation that I would experience. Was I being selfish....I was, but I wanted my husband to enjoy his life again. Enjoy the use of his hands. He so wanted that too!
It has been a smooth transition from one medication to the other. Sure there were some up and down days for my husband, as he was the one experiencing the medication change. He doing great and his shakiness in his hands has decreased immensely. I Love You my Dear Husband!