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Hope

I am married to a very nice man who is 26 years older than me. I know it is a big gap, I really don't care about the numbers. We have been married for 2 years now. First year was good, I really enjoyed the first year of our marriage, but the second year rolls down, there are lots of things I am not so happy about. But I am willing to talk and improve the situation which is pretty isolated now, he is not. So I really don't know how to handle it. Just waiting for time to prove that our marriage would survive. I am trying to concentrate on my goals for now, and become a better person.
yogagirl324 yogagirl324 26-30, F 4 Responses Jan 19, 2011

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I am 60 years old and I understand the feelings and points Anadora makes for it is very hard when you are still vigorous and healthy and active and your partner cannot be no matter how you love them.
It brings on feelings of not only disgust but guilt and betrayal that you can no longer give and get the same love you did when younger and people deal with it in different ways and no one should be faulted just because they may think differently on a situation that is so hard to deal with.
This is probably the most difficult part of summer winter relationships regardless of who or what race you marry. In such relationships the younger partner will be making a big sacrifice later on down the road so it is important for the younger partner to think about this and both to discuss how to address it.
As for me I desire to marry a black woman a little closer to my age. So we can both grow old together. When I was younger I wanted to have a child with a black woman so badly so we could share our love in that special way, but my dream never was able to be fulfilled. I grew up in Hawaii from a mixed family and bi-racial children are the most beautiful after black children.
Now all I can hope for is to be able to find a black woman who would be willing to join me in adopting a needy black child we could both raise together and nourish and give love and support to.
But if I was in a summer/winter relationship I would want my younger partner to not be burdened by me if I became so infirm that it would adversely affect her quality of life or happiness.
I would rather she leave me for a younger healthy man (preferably black) to enjoy her remaining years with and leave me to a nursing home or allow me to be euthanized if I was no longer able to function as a normal human. That may sound strange to some but each of us have different views on quality of life or how life should be lived or whether we want to suffer our last years as a vegatable.
Although I would not complain if my black wife became ill or handicapped and needed me to care for her lovingly no matter how sick or bedridden I would not expect the same and am not selfish. I am a former nurse and know how to deal with such demands without complaint or worry, but I would not expect or want her to suffer the same burden.

I can tell you from experience that the future is bleak. My husband is 18 years older and now I am simply his caretaker. Its hard to imagine keeping love alive with an old man who is deaf, senile and incontinant. You may have a few years of a normal marriage but there is no way it can last because everyone gets old. Cleaning up after him and listening to the same boring tale over and over and over will wear you down. My husband was lively and interesting when we married 20 years ago. Now he is simply disgusting and I am stuck. Get out while you can.

Anadora, I really don't believe that you EVER loved this man in 20 years of marriage, you could say so many things about a marriage with an older man, but how can you say that "Now he is simply disgusting..."?
DISGUSTING was actually the first word that came in my mind when I read your comment...reading what you said about him I can't help but think that you're abusive with him, God bless this man....I hope your parents don't need your help when they get older or that you have better siblings than you.

im 24 and my husband is 48, we have 2 wonderful kids together, i recommend just simply spending time with him... and lots of sex... show him how much u love him, always.... even just calling randomly, and saying i love u... and always be honest... these are key to a successful relationship. :) hope all goes well.

Hey there...<br />
I just read your post and I just thought I should let you know, I am working on a new documentary style TV show about families dealing with the types of issues you describe here. It will be airing on a major cable network this coming Spring/Summer. ba<x>sed on what you've written I think your family could really benefit from participating. It's a really positive show that aims to bring families closer together! I would love hear more about what your dealing with and tell you more about this new series. <br />
Please feel free to get in touch with me directly,<br />
<br />
Amy<br />
amy.cummings@leftfieldpictures.com <br />
212 564 2607 ex: 2339