How Do I Get The Strength To Leave Him? Or Should I Leave Him Or Not?Hi All, been reading everybody's stories in this group and here's mine....I am a 37 yrs old woman married to a 55 yrs old man, been together for 7 yrs. When we first got to know each other he was crazy about me, madly in love with me, sex was excellent, blah...blah...blah, he proposed and got married quite quickly. At that time, I had just ended a 10 yr relationship so I was emotionally weak and jumped onto his bandwagon which I suppose was a mistake. Now I am starting to regret my marriage but I feel terrible whenever I think of leaving him !
The realisation dawned on me when our sex life started falling apart. My husband is just not interested in making love anymore, no urges, even though he loves me very much, he is not having an affair as we are together all the time. About 4 yrs back, he started having sexual problems, erectile dysfunction, initially he was very uncomfortable to talk about it, but after much coaxing and trying from me we started talking about it and he finally went to see a doctor. Got prescribed some blue pills which come to use whenever I need some passion. We have sex once every 2-3 months but it is not a satisfying love making rather "a quick before it goes down" one. I don't want him to take too much of those pills as I am worried of a possible heart attack but I haven't been satisfied for over 4 yrs now and its driving me nuts! I have talked to him about going for a therapy but he just will not go for counselling.
Besides the sex problem, we have a wonderful life, financially comfortable, a nice house, generally he's a loving and a kind man, which makes it all so difficult to just end it. We have talked about it a few times, and he has agreed to let me go so that I can have a more sexually fulfilling life, but I just cannot bear the thought of leaving him, at the same time I am desperate for sex.
I am also desperate to have a baby, as I did not conceive naturally I went in for IVF but it was unsuccessful because of his weak sperms. The amount of sex we have I will never conceive naturally if I want a baby with him I will have to keep trying by artificial means but for the time being I dont want to try as I am not sure which way I am headed with my marriage but my body clock is ticking and I'm panicking! I also keep thinking about the fact that if I have a baby with him now, he will be 65 by the time my child is only 10 yrs old, by the time he/she is 15 and I'm probably dealing with teenage problems I will also have to look after an old man, the thought of which is all scaring me. After reading so many of your stories I really think I should get out of this marriage before it's too late but just don't seem to have the courage to do it. 10 yrs down the line I don't want to look back and regret my unfulfilled and unsatisfied life!
Initially the age gap didn't use to bother me but now with my unfulfilled desire to be a mother and unsatisfied love life, it is the main cause of my worries. Most days I question myself if I really love him and I never seem to get the answer, so I make my mind up, "I am leaving him", everytime I make my mind up I start to feel all love oozing from everywhere and then at night I lie next to him in bed and cry and cry. I go completely weak and cannot leave him. Then I get totally confused, should I leave him or not or what to do ??? I have sleepless nights over this problem and my general health is affected. I feel depressed most days, I feel so helpless! Look forward to your comments.