Am I The Only One???

I am married... just over a year now. When I met my husband it was when I was 26 and he was 46. We have been together for 5 years. When we met he was living in FL and I was in Ohio. He worked for the same company as me. A few months later he moved back to his hometown in NH. When we finally met in person it seemed like right away he was living with me. He wanted to get married right away. Me not so much. My previous relationships never lasted past 3 years (pretty much to the date), So I wanted to wait. So 2 months after we celebrated our 3 year anniversary we started to plan our wedding. I think things started going in different direction a few months before the wedding. We use to have date nights with each other, he use to buy me clothes and other things just to show he cared. With the wedding there was so much going on with the parties, planning etc that we were just beat. So after the wedding things turned even more different. Our physical relationship came to a halt. I would ask him if he still felt attracted to me. He would come up with different excuses each time. He gained weight, the kids (13 and 24) were around, he wasnt sleeping right, etc. So I let it go for awhile. Finally about 8 months later I read the Fifty Shades of Grey books. I had a few drinks and went off. I know I shouldnt have done when I was drinking but thats the only time I can handle what his responses might be. It took about 2 days for him to come up and say he was sorry. Also said he would change. But I dont feel it still to this day. And everytime I drink I keep bringing it up. Besides me not feeling wanted... He is a GREAT husband and step dad to my 14 year old. I am looking for support since I dont know anyone else who can relate. Thank you for your time!!!
coopeygirl coopeygirl
31-35, F
1 Response Sep 17, 2012

Unfortunately many people do change after the 'honeymoon' phase. Also many people live in marriages where it works like a company. That is fine as long as both people are getting out of the marriage what both require. Communication is essential, and as you have said, you have attempted this. You can not change him, only he can choose how he wishes to act/respond. I, myself was in a marriage that was similar to yours, minus the age difference. I was in the position that you are in. Self-esteem issues. Love and feeling love is a desire or requirement for many of us. I hope that you begin to receive what you yearn for.

Thats what I woke up this morning saying to myself. I can only change myself. And maybe this has more to do with me than I thought. I know I do have self esteem issues. Maybe if I work on myself first then things might get better. Thanks for the advice!!!

My pleasure.
You can only strive to be your best and that will help you shine, show that you are confident, and possibly draw positive attributes from others. I hope for the best for you.