Why Do I Feel So Crazy?I recently married a man who is 34.5 years older than me. We met through business as he was one of my clients. Our relationship began one day when a business meeting at a coffee shop turned to a personal conversation for hours at the beach. It was then that we Iearned about all of our life parallels and our unique personalities that sometimes make us feel alienated from others.
At the time when we had this conversation, I had been feeling particularly overwhelmed with my life and near the edge of sanity, even though I masked it well. That year had been really rough as I was still processing the sudden murder of my second child's father, quitting a high profile job that left me over-worked, under-paid, and stiffled, and being scorned by a non-supportive familiy three thousand miles away, plus drama from the deadbeat dad to my first son.
He listened intently and empathized with my circumstances. He fell in love with my heart and spirit and mind, and wanted to do nothing more than comfort me, and help to do anything to allieviate the stresses. He also shared with me the Qur'an which helped me greatly. Within weeks I converted to Islam, married him and became a stay-at-home mother. He promised to provide for me and my children, and to continue to do business with me working from home while home-schooling my children.
I couldn't believe it. I felt like I had finally been blessed with a man who was everything and more. His love, generosity and compassion are so great.
Now after three months, I'm feeling suffocated. He wants to be around me all the time, talking to me and rambling on, which feels like an invasion of my mental space. He wants to make love everyday, even at his age, and my drive is not that strong at all, not to mention our love-making styles are very different. I am used to being independent and being a known public persona in the professions I had established for myself before being married. I still want to maintain my independent identity. I wish I had more space for my own thoughts, more control over how money flows into our household. Because, while he does provide, he is comfortable living close to the wire, paying bills late, scrapping to make due, shopping at thrift stores. That's just not me.
It's hard for me to adjust to his style of provision. I do not feel financially secure, nor do I feel like I am using all of my abilities and education which could bring in more money than he is earning now. It's like I traded the struggle of being a high-earning single mother to being a wife of a man who believes I am the woman of his dreams, and showers me with love and support, and even cleans the house, but just has lower standards of living.
Our business together is progressing well so far, and with everything including our marriage are still their early stages, I am patient and look to the long-term future when things will be more smoothly united. It's just that now I'm dealing with all these emotions and he is so sensitive and intuitive, he notices everything. I don't want to alarm him but I am going through something, and I just don't know how to deal in the short-term. We have addressed these issues in conversation and put some solutions in place.
It's just so new and he is in such a different place in life. I feel crazy sometimes being 31 with a man who is 66 because generationally there is a disconnect at times and no matter how much we talk, he doesn't always get it. I really want our marriage to work, and I also really want to feel happy. Any advice?