I'm Sick Of This Cycle Of Abuse And Playing Victim

This is the way he had me in his trap for 5 long years. If I showed him the slightest acceptance he would begin his emotional abuse, trying to decide things for me, interfering in my actions and decisions, faking the protector, belittling me for not being able to do every task with efficiency. He would act like the hen pecked husband, bearing this huge burden called me. This is part of his need to show everyone his sacrificing nature. When situation reaches the limit, and one of us explodes, he immediately feels afraid and neglected, starts talking nervously and trying to win back my attention. His behaviour with everyone is of a warm loving man who only knows to love, even his enemies. Only I can see his lack of empathy. He knows I am living through hell for these 5 years, but all he wants is his way. All he cares is for the glorification of his ego.
Now I am in a much better situation, I can see through his mask. I know what has made him a narcissist too, it is his childhood devoid of any intimacy and warmth from his parents. But my dilemma is - is it true love to leave a narcissist...i still love him, and i know how to live so that he does me no harm. But will he be able to hurt my child, will he have a negative influence on her? These are my fears
gigome gigome
6 Responses Nov 4, 2010

http://samvak.tripod.com/npdtips.html<br />
<br />
http://samvak.tripod.com/narcissistgettingbetter.html<br />
<br />
there is an abundance of the most precise information on narcissism found at that website. its all so accurate that as a narcissist, the self awareness haunts me.<br />
<br />
and believe it all, even the statement - "The Narcissist does not cater at all to his own needs"<br />
<br />
remember - you are the narcissist's source of supply (drug dealer) - attention, admiration, adulation, approval, affirmation, applause etc.<br />
<br />
don't be afraid of the narcissist, he is harmless. "But will he be able to hurt my child, will he have a negative influence on her?" - your child will probably grow to be a narcissist (which isn't good), and take it from my parents, having a narcissistic child isnt a lot of fun.<br />
<br />
personally id never raise a child, i can't think of anything more unkind. or stupid. in fact i rub it in to my narcissistic father how stupid he was to do such a thing. i blame them for my predicament. i demand that they hire a hit man to get rid of me. but...i only say such things for their sake, because things are only guaranteed to worsen. <br />
<br />
get away immediately, for your child's sake, and inadvertently for your own sake.<br />
<br />
lets stop raising narcissists hey? why are we still here? its 2012, and look up the word in the dictionary. somebody that adores themselves? lol.

Why do we put up with this? Narcissists are like Vampires....shed some light on them and they crumble like dust. Why is behavior that would get on arrested in public tolerated in private? One in four women is abused by their husbands or partners, so that means that one in four women is a victim of a crime that goes unpunished day, after day, after day. If your husband threatened or demeaned a co-worker the way he threatens or demeans you...He would get fired! So why, as a society, do we put up with this? <br />
And guess what...he doesn't love you, and he never will. Go love your couch, instead. At least it won't hurt you.<br />
And will it affect your daughter. YES! She will spend the rest of her life trying to coax love out of emotionally unavailable men who will put her through the same hell.

Now that you know what he is and the hell of living with a narcissist the folowing website would assist with the different situations, how to cope and how to get out safely. <br />
For Narcissistic personality disorder, try:<br />
http://www.runboard.com/bnarcissisticabuserecovery<br />
http://tearsandhealing.com/narcissistic-personality-disorder6.htm <br />
All the best God be with you.

thank you irene for your valuable comment. <br />
You know my daughter told me suddenly recently- father thinks he is good , and you think you are good, now that is the problem. I for a moment was dumbfounded that a 3 yr old could think such thoughts. I have lot of belief in a child's resilient nature, but the pressure is too much sometimes for her. The good part is that I have made myself strong for her sake, to protect her from the father's tantrums.<br />
I am definitely NOT going to create another child with him!!. I am also mentally ready to leave him one day. I read you story 'the fog is clearing' and found many similarities in our 'strategies'. I also went on diet and toned up and indulged in some beauty care inorder to make myself more 'available'. I finally found out I am a free soul, and as a woman deserve to care for and express my beauty, of body and mind. My shy and timid nature has improved. I am more of the 'devil may care' person now, giving my husband more proof to show others how crazy and eccentric person I am!!

Hi Gigome;<br />
I am no expert on any of this! It took me 19 years to see through my man. Good for you for being remarkably more perceptive:)<br />
I can tell you that of my three kids, my daughter is most affected by growing up with a narcissistic father. My boys seem to have been able to shrug off most of his behaviour, but my daughter continues to try and connect. She's 20. It breaks my heart.<br />
Your daughter will emulate your behaviour and - if you really can live with this guy and remain strong and unaffected - she will learn that too.<br />
HOWEVER, life is cyclical. You will have low-energy times, you will have weak moments. You will be modeling behaviour for her that you may regret her having learned. And you may make more children with this man and be ever more trapped in the relationship!<br />
You can love someone, as I love my husband. You can understand what broke them, and feel tremendous compassion for the pain that made them who they are. You can do all that, and leave them to their fate at the same time.<br />
The day your daughter came into the world is the day that everything changed for you. You now have to put your own needs and desires on the back burner for her sake.<br />
You are obviously a very smart, very strong woman. Whatever you decide to do, know that your daughter will emulate your strength and be o.k.<br />

i am just 16,too young to comment but what he does to you is not right. You need to see beyond the love you especially if there is too much at risk like ur children and you and your life together. I hope you make the right decision