Needing Motivation

I want to share my story, because I need empathy, and need it BAD. Don't have time right now, making supper, laundry, and bringing firewood down for the night...while my husband has left yet again to go on one of his secret eating drives---he leaves me and my three kids here, while he takes himself somewhere to eat. then when he gets home, I will get bitched at for not having his uniform washed and ready to go for work tomorrow, even though it is ALWAYS hanging up ready for him in the a.m. I had an epiphany (been building up for a long time) something is seriously wrong,and if I stay--I am cheating myself out of a life. Cannot be happy or look forward to anything, as he will hold it over my head, like I owe him for bringing a smile to my face. Am 41 years old, I have compromised myself to please him, but still walkin on eggshells. Therapy didn't work. He quit.He has isolated me emotionaly, socially and financially--and I let him do it. Somebody throw me a bone please--LOL LOL LOL (lost my mind laughter)
p.s. there's more to this story, and it gets pretty dark : (

feeling like the world's biggest idiot
lcat4 lcat4
41-45, F
4 Responses Dec 13, 2012

I have been married to a narcissist for 9 years, and I was in a committed relationship with him for 10 years before that, and I'm done. He's cheated on me, condescended to and demeaned me, and made me feel completely worthless. I too was afraid to leave because I gave up my career and independence for him, moved far away from my family for him, and I was afraid I could not support myself and two small children. But I have given this man my youth and I will not give him anymore. These sick, twisted people are real life vampires. They feed on your love, energy, and time, and in exchange they give you heartache. We deserve better. Our children deserve to see us living better. My advice: find a family law attorney at your local legal aid society, if you cannot afford to pay for a private attorney, and find out about your rights.

Thank you both for your responses. I'm still here-since I submitted my story, I have felt better in some ways, stronger may be a better word. I am no longer constantly looking at myself trying to figure out why I am such a loser-why I can't live up to his expectations. I have been observing him---closely. Wow, the comments he makes, the things he does, his actions, the very high opinion his family and other friends have of him. He's got them fooled...really good. No humility this man, does everything in order to continually get that praise and respect from others---yet his wife and children get sick and nervous when he pulls into the driveway.
I am being patient with myself, in the process of finding a full-time job, then I will save in order to move out. I am trying to stay positive, and not get into arguments with him, because it means I will lose. Just last week, he said I was so pitiful that nobody even wanted to hire me, that he had a career, two retirements in place and I had NOTHING, yup, he told me that I had nothing to look forward to, that I was not going to be living off of HIS retirement like I have been mooching off of him for the past twelve years. That has been my lowest day in the past month--but I was able to get back up and shake it off. Getting stronger and feeling better.
I have something for him...a gift if you will, when this is all said and done. It will be my icing on the cake, and a fitting finish to finally put him in his place--a payback that I cannot wait to deliver : ). No worries, it does not involve violence or murder haha! I'm not thinking that way, actually just looking forward to more peaceful days. It might take six months or longer to get out from under him, but I will do it. I hope you ladies stay strong as well, too much life to be lived and I do not intend to spend another year with my academy award worthy actor of a husband--Stay strong, stay positive- : )

I hope you make it! I've tried for years then I get suckered back.

I know the feeling and can truly empathize with you. Only in the last year or so I came to the realization that my husband has narcissistic personality disorder and that is why after 28 years of marriage I am about ready to throw in the towel. He will never improve, things will never get better. I basically feel like living alone after a divorce would be alot better than the loneliness of being married to a narcissist. Sorry to say its come to that. I worry mostly about what it will do to my grown kids. Even though they are in their 20's I don't want to cause them pain. Well the pain I have had to endure has sucked the very life out of me and I feel like I have to finally get out. I am sorry you are suffering with similar situation. My own way of dealing with present predicament is basically just try to take care of myself, try to make some friends and enjoy life somehow while contemplating future divorce and how I will support myself. take care and know that you are not alone! Most of all pray to God because with Jesus in your heart you will never truly be alone. I know its still painful though to be in a marriage relationship with a narcissist!

Thank you both for your responses. I'm still here-since I submitted my story, I have felt better in some ways, stronger may be a better word. I am no longer constantly looking at myself trying to figure out why I am such a loser-why I can't live up to his expectations. I have been observing him---closely. Wow, the comments he makes, the things he does, his actions, the very high opinion his family and other friends have of him. He's got them fooled...really good. No humility this man, does everything in order to continually get that praise and respect from others---yet his wife and children get sick and nervous when he pulls into the driveway.
I am being patient with myself, in the process of finding a full-time job, then I will save in order to move out. I am trying to stay positive, and not get into arguments with him, because it means I will lose. Just last week, he said I was so pitiful that nobody even wanted to hire me, that he had a career, two retirements in place and I had NOTHING, yup, he told me that I had nothing to look forward to, that I was not going to be living off of HIS retirement like I have been mooching off of him for the past twelve years. That has been my lowest day in the past month--but I was able to get back up and shake it off. Getting stronger and feeling better.
I have something for him...a gift if you will, when this is all said and done. It will be my icing on the cake, and a fitting finish to finally put him in his place--a payback that I cannot wait to deliver : ). No worries, it does not involve violence or murder haha! I'm not thinking that way, actually just looking forward to more peaceful days. It might take six months or longer to get out from under him, but I will do it. I hope you ladies stay strong as well, too much life to be lived and I do not intend to spend another year with my academy award worthy actor of a husband--Stay strong, stay positive- : )

Ugh.... girl, RUN RUN RUN....life is too short to stay with that! xoxoxoxooxoxoxo

I can't fix him or the relationship.

I am writing to say I read your message. I acknowledge your existance. I hear the love you once had and the injustice of a selfish man.

I do hope that you find something positive to enjoy today. Look to the future. See what it can do for you.