Can I Salvage My Marriage To A Narcisisstic Husband?

I'm sorry to say this, but if your husband truly is a narcissist, your marriage is not salvageable. The remorse and the crying is in his box of manipulation tools. My narc did the same thing. He got counseling, and basically convinced the therapist nothing was wrong with him. She did, however, ask me to be a part of his therapy, but he knew that I wasn't gonna hide the truth and I was gonna paint the true image of him so he told her he didn't want me there. We went to see 3 marriage counselors and he ended them all abruptly. One of the counselors, he got into an argument with 'cause she told him that he was abusive even though at the time he wasn't putting his hands on me. When I tried telling the counselors all that was going on in the marriage, he got mad at me for "re-hashing" old stuff. However, it was the old stuff that got us there. He refused counseling thereafter.

Narcs are really concerned about their image. My narc hated that I would talk to my friends and family about us, but I needed support 'cause he was constantly trying to alienate me from them. He didn't want me to have support. He didn't want me to talk to anyone. He just wanted me to suffer in silence, and just follow his orders. The moment you are over the love, and you see his true image, he will be done with you, and will find someone else who he can trick into thinking that he's this great guy.

Narcs are self-entitled and they think they have the right to do anything that pleases them...usually at the expense of others. Narcs typically have a circle of enablers...such as his mom or girlfriends. These are the only people they talk to to get a perspective...usually his own. My narc's mom is a huge enabler. All she cares about is his happiness. If he did something that was threatening or extremely mean to me, she would always defend him, and make me think that it was something I did to cause it. I thinks she's a narc too 'cause there's no way there's something with her perfect sons. Her oldest son (my narc's brother) and his long-time girlfriend have the same issues. So the enablers' support will just reinforce his behaviors and thoughts of grandiosity.

If you harden your resolve, or stand your ground, you will see the full blown narc. He will try to destroy you or punish you into submission. Considering how long you've been together, he knows exactly how to do it too. All I can say is before you get fed up start documenting everything...texts, journals, police reports, etc. Do not trust anyone in his circle 'cause they are not there to support you but him. That's why they are there 'cause if they actually challenged him, they wouldn't be there. Also educate yourself on this. A great resource is a Facebook page...Life After Narcissistic Abuse. They can direct you to more resources too.

Narcs are charming, clever, and convincing. They can be nice just to get what they want, and once they are comfortable again, it goes right back to what he wants...you catering to his every need...making him feel validated...and superior. Take care of yourself, and educate yourself so you can make the best decision for yourself 'cause a life with a narc is not you, or "us", but HIM! I'm here if you need support! Take care.

I'm so sorry to know this could be happening to someone else. Actually, we have a lot in common. We met in college, he changed after marriage, have 2 great kids, successful career and a beautiful home too, and also cheating with a coworker. My husband hasn't admitted he has any problems with narcissism but admitted his mistake in having the affair and promised that will never happen again. To tell you the truth I don't believe he'll ever change. I'm just giving him the last chance and buying sometime for my children. I think your husband made a great progress by admitting he has a problem. That's I think a huge step forward. I think you need to take it from here and get him some medical help and hopefuly things will change. Wish you all the best.

Thank you ladies for your input. Given me a whole new way to look at wifey !

You and I have a lot in common. I am married to a narcissistic man who has had a number of ongoing emotional (as far as I know) affairs with women who work for him. He also has anxiety disorder and ongoing mild depression. He has never made any effort to truly be a father or husband and really just looks at me as the home employee. He overreacts to any situation and is so threatened by any positive attention I receive I have to give myself a pep talk after he tears me down. I finally went to a therapist in secret who told me I truly am married to a narcissist who has personality disorder and he will never change. My husband recently read a book basically saying that people in his position (highly successful in business) put all their efforts in work and fail at home. Now he is trying to do things for me and be nice to me (big change after 22 years of marriage). I don't trust his sincerity, I think he is doing it to protect his image to the outside world, he must sense I have checked out. The therapist wanted me to see a divorce lawyer. Maybe narcissists really can't change. My therapist says narcissists are almost impossible to change and when in therapy will do almost anything to protect their fragile egos. I, like you, am confused. I would like to believe in change but can these people really show love, compassion and empathy? Or are they just faking it so the world doesn't see they have failed at something. Good luck to you!

My ex was literally a witch's brew mix of NPD, BPD OCPD and PA as well as other personality disorders. Some articles on these subjects are okay, but the Mayo Clinic website has a reasonably exhaustive but simplified list of symptoms and syndromes that medical practioners refer to. I suggest that you refer to that before he goes to the doctor. If aren't going with him, based on what you've described, I wouldn't trust him to give you a truthful summary of what the doctor told him. If you familiarize yourself with these simplified diagnostic tools, you'd likely be in a reasonable position to do some due diligence on what he tells you.

Oh girl, I'm so sorry...your story sounds so much like mine except I have no proof of cheating

There is a technique to surviving marriage to a narcissistic spouse, and it is not easy. First, you must never doubt your perception of the situation. Second, you must cultivate a deep place of interior solitude that does not depend upon your husband for validation or fulfilment. Third, you must accept the fact that arguing with him will never work. Then you must do two things. First, do everything you can to be cheerful and make his life happy, only remember, whatever you do will never be good enough. Second, do everything you can to make your and your children's lives happy. This will necessitate escape routes and plenty of time spent together while husband is away. Try not express with him your independence or aspirations. Cultivate a group of close confidante's, because you will not be able to share this with your husband. When he sees you are not threatening his fragile self esteem he will relax and you will be able to enjoy good times again.

First let me start off by asking you this, other than being the father of your children, what does your husband do that genuinely brings happiness to your life? It sounds like he not only does not do anything to contribute to your happiness, but he also takes it away and brings you only negativity. You need to have an honest conversation with yourself and ask yourself why you even love him. His actions towards you are not worthy of your love. He is treating you like literal ****, frankly. He is not treating you with love, care, or respect, and obviously since you've already tried telling him that he's been hurting you as well as counseling just for him to continue, he is not going to treat you with love care or respect. This man sounds like a selfish child. I don't care if he's on antidepressants, depression does not give you an excuse to cheat on your wife. I don't care if he's narcissistic, in fact I think that just the fact that he is a narcissist is more than enough reason for you to leave him. I'm gonna be honest with you, I'm only 17. And to the regards of the impact it will have on your kids, I truly believe that staying married to this guy is going to be a terrible thing for your kids and it will effect them and their views and beliefs about relationships for the rest of your life. (If you have a boy) Your teaching him that the way his dad treats you is the way he should treat girls too. (If you have a girl) You're teaching her that being treated badly is okay and that's how she should is going to let boys treat her. By leaving him you are showing them that his behavior is wrong and is not okay. The bottom line is, your husband is doing a terrible job at loving you, so you need to be able to love yourself enough not to let him anymore. End it for yours and your kids sake. You're allowing for him to be treating you this way and your the only one who can put a stop to it because frankly it unacceptable. Leave him, don't listen to his sob stories when he throws them out there because that all bull and manipulation. Leave him and do not look back. Love yourself enough not to put yourself through it anymore.