So I got married 6 weeks ago today. As soon as we said I do all the love stopped. He is an alcoholic and promised to detox and go to treatment. He did do the detox and I stayed by his side in the hospital for a week getting no sleep and still working. After the detox he was so mean and refused to go to the treatment. I had never heard of this narcissistic problem before so the huge change surprised me. I have since kicked him out of the house bc he was drinking again. All we do now is fight. He's talking to his ex and calling me crazy all the time and comparing me to her. It turns out she is his perfect supply. He can't let go of her bc she seems to like the abuse. We are in the US and she is now back in Europe where she is from and he is still stirring up the pot. She is has major multiple personalities and is extremely paranoid. He fuels her fire and she fuels his. He has drained me completely financially and still is barely working at all. At this point I think I just need to divorce and move on. But there are reasons I won't go into that I can't leave until they are resolved. It will result in money so I think he will eventually get it done. I think he is dragging it out bc he knows as long as it's not done I will stay with him.

Does anyone else get called crazy all the time and compared to other women? Even though he is the one totally out of line? I also get blamed for doing all kinds of things I never did. He said I have something going on with his friend and saying I posted to Facebook that I was divorcing him. He never even bothered to look to see what I had been posting bc none of it was true. It's making me nuts. Right now we are not speaking again. I think I like it better. His rent is due today and I'm not paying it. When we got married he was still in his lease until January. So he had somewhere to go.

I'm just at the end of my rope. The more I read the more it comes together. I need friends who understand being married to a narcissist and I need some support.

Feel free to message me as I am desperate.
mischa1975 mischa1975
41-45, F
3 Responses Sep 1, 2014

Annulments are designed for this. Rewrite or cancel the vows and go see a Justice of the Peace. We are all kind enough to give our spouse their "loady" time. It's fine to ask that their time with you not be spent that way. Say what you want. if they won't hear you (will, literally choose not to), pack your ****. $500 spent at a counselor is a good idea--just keep them to help pick up the pieces if you split.

I'm shooting fast and wild on here today, but I'm old enough to have seen these things, so they have a natural de-evolution that I would give you permission to avoid.

No one will fault you for ditching a chronic substance user. I had an acquaintance that discovered her first husband was a pre-op transexual, and it was too much for her. No one blames or even remembers the guy's name.

It's your life...a marriage has to be a better container than being single if it's worth doing right.

I'm always the crazy one in my marriage.

I've learned that this is the hallmark of a narc- trying to convince you that you're crazy.

They got nothing else to go on. Deep inside they know they're frauds and phonies. They are so clever at deflecting and twisting things around so we sometimes believe we are in fact crazy!

Just think of this mutherfucker as mentally invalid.

I found my ex narc let his true narcissistic colors shine after I had his child. It was like then he knew I was trapped and he could be as mean and uncaring as he wanted. I ended up leaving him after a year of his continued arrogant and selfish bullshit. As it's only been 6 weeks and he's going through detox, maybe you should give it some time? Did he act this way at all before you were married? I'm sure the detox process would have an effect on him, though it's not a free pass to be a douche bag that's for sure.

He didn't detox until a week or so after we married. Literally as soon as we said I do. Not even home from Vegas yet he started treating me terribly. We didn't even have sex. Detox is pointless unless you get the treatment. He refuses to contribute financially at all and is now saying he has no intention of coming home to help financially or anything else. Emotionally physically. Nothing. His car is parked in my parking spot and he refuses to move it. I live in Hollywood California street parking is almost impossible most days. So I pay all the bills for the apt but I can't park I. The spot in pay for??????? It's exact ally like what you said. As soon as he felt like he had me he showed his true colors. He will be nice and try to come back sometimes but can only be human for about 2 days and then it's back to terrible. It's not the detox. He's just a jerk which no feelings or caring for anyone but himself.