I've been married for nearly 25 years before I left my PA husband. I married him after only knowing him for 3 months and I was pregnant. I was young and naive. I truly believed "love" will get us through anything. Maybe I thought love between husband and wife is suppose to be unconditional. After our son was born, I felt tossed aside because he had something new to play with. No, surely this is just a figment of my imagination. I began trying to talked to him about my feelings. He was happy. I was not. We moved to another city and got pregnant again. I had another beautiful son. Our relationship had its ups and downs and it seemed trying to discuss our thoughts or feelings grew futile. Maybe I had postpartum depression. I began seeing a counselor. He asked to see my husband and while my husband had a fit, he went one time. After the counselor met with him, the counselor told me some disturbing information. He believed my husband had no real feelings for me. I didn't understand. We were married and had kids. Surely he loves me. He even said so. But yet when he would say it, there were no actions to follow. I just thought it was his personality. I even chalked it up to having a wall around his heart because he had been hurt when he was young, but surely he loves me. And yet year after year, I questioned his love because something was not right. I couldn't put my finger on it at times. Most times, I would blame myself for wanting so much. All I wanted was a close relationship with my husband. I craved for him to notice me, to share with me, to enjoy life with me. But nearing 25 years, I finally had enough. I discovered the PA personality information and realize that my husband can be easily defined that way. His forgetfulness, his denial of saying or not saying things, his bizarre irrational behavior over small things, and his adverting direct answers to me when I ask him about things. And on top of that, the lack of intimacy. I'm tired of being lonely within a marriage. I rather being alone while I'm alone. I've tried discussing this with him and he chooses to be oblivious to me and thinks there is nothing wrong and it is all me!
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3 Responses Dec 16, 2012

Passive aggressive behavior in a spouse can be very painful emotionally. It sounds like your getting out of the marriage was a major victory for you.

I am happy for you and your freedom.

We often have more freedom that we realize. The greatest chains we wear are the ones we shackle to ourselves.

It shows you how one bad decision can have long lasting consequences.

I clicked this link by mistake. I hope you find some peace.

When I am conflicted with problems I can't yet describe to my bride, I find myself behaving that way. Before I realize what's causing it, I'm also beating myself up for my bad behavior which puts me in a worse place emotionally. Sometimes it is a vicious cycle. The release of sharing what's on my mind and getting back to that "better" place is so wonderful, you'd think I'd learn not to be so guarded with my partner. Hardheaded I suppose. Thank God that she keeps me around.

good luck to you.