I've been married to a policeman for 25 years. After we got married he went into the Police Academy and graduated at the top of his class. I was so proud of him! At his graduation ceremony a minister spoke to the spouses telling us we must be supportive. I took this advice very serious.
The first ten years was a time of adjustment. The hope of being a "good" cop was overshadowed by department politics and being on a crew with "bad" cops. Imagine your own sergeant stealing from businesses, drinking while on duty, and having an affair. To be a good cop meant to look the other way and don't rat.
This had a huge affect on my husband, and on our marriage too. He had to live a double life. It took him years to tell me what had been going on. That explained the moodiness and general distrust of everyone. It wasn't long before I too was someone he didn't trust.
The past fifteen years have been hell. He has been passed up for several promotions because of being on the "wrong side" of department politics. This job sucks the life out of him. It's all he ever thinks and talks about. I suppose I should be glad he tells me what's going on but to be honest I'm sick of it! Our marriage has been on the back burner for too long. His only friends are cops, he only socializes with cops, and now it's turned into a no wives club. Cops only trust other cops and that's it. What did I gain by being supportive?