Married To A Taker Not A Giver.

i have been with this people for twenty years, two children.She is totally self centered to the point that her needs and wants come before everyones in the family.She,s been to rehab. several times. And every time, I hope that went she's clear and sober, she'll change, but all sign say no way.She does none of the house work , no cooking just for herself, cause she doesn't want what I've cooked for the kids. All she does is watch tv and sleep all day.Or she's bored so goes to visit friends at 1 pm and might return back to the house around 8 pm. She will then check in with our 13 yr old to ask how his day went.

We sleep in separate room, so i dont wake her when i get up at 6;30 to get our son breakfast and off to school. my question is, Do self centered person realize the negative effect they have on other members of the family or are they so self  centered  their no feeling for others ? I have tried counseling, but was of little help.

Sometimes, I think the best thing to di is just move on. I stay for te family, butat this point the disfunction of  the family is  so poor, it might be best to move on now. Because my son realizes his mother state, and says things like just leave it, or forget it, Dad. went she's eat or drink the last of his favorite food or left a mess for him or myself to clear up. Any advice r your thoughts are welcome!

gnhard gnhard
61-65, M
4 Responses May 7, 2010

Sounds like this woman is suffering from depression and being very selfish, she is obviously angry and feels the world owes her something, including the both of you two, I would suggest not feeling sorry, because your feelings will get the best of you, have compassion and love, but DO NOT, feel sorry for the woman, this is such an unusual situation, start to get some help maybe at a 12 step meeting or depression group for families dealing with persons that are depressed, there is help out there for you and your son to go to and learn how to deal with this woman, and another thing go to church and find a pastor you can speak with, they are very confidential and can help, pray and always forgive, that does not give her a reason to walk all over you to, and by the way it is good that you are finally fed up with this, good for the both of you, and you seem like an enabler maybe co-dependant, this woman needs you to continue the way she has been going, if you really want her to get better than it is time to do the tough love thing, I pray you will find peace within your own self, and be blessed that you have each other, i would begin to change your pattern with her, see if you can get her a check up that would help, anyway, hope you find help, blessings

divorce the *****

Id advise you to read all you can on Narcissists... he sounds like one. WHY IS IT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU? a book by Sandy Hotchkiss might be a good place to start

Time to make plans for getting your son & yourself out of there.