I Give, He Takes...

i married my husband, knowing he had strong opinions. i didn't realize that 18 years later it would mean that the world revolves around him. his idea of making decisions together is - i want a dog, he doesn't want a dog. end of story...no dog. christmas lights outside. me yes, him no. no lights outside. it sounds petty but it happens over and over and over again. i am happy to bring him a drink or something when i go to the kitchen. i'm happy to do things for him. i could not tell you a time when he has done the same. he just doesn't. the world revolves around him and it can be unbearable sometimes. i guess i am not describing it well but i'm second rate...
cerene cerene
36-40, F
7 Responses Dec 2, 2010

I too have a one sided,self serving,egotistical,self centered husband. He never gives only takes and everything has to be his way. I understand your pain. My husband is highly manipulative and turns all his mistakes around to blame them on anyone but himself. He's never home, he never offers time for me or our son. Never returns our love, it's always an evil string of obscenities in every sentence he speaks, he is racist, homophobic and just mean. He always uses the worst racial expletives to describe people and always in front of our son. I'm so tired of it I no longer feel any emotion for him.

My hubby also the same but after spending 15 years with him - i have so much to say that i have gone through that words and spaces fall short and i doubt that someone will be able to undwrstand what i mean. He insults openly and calls himself expert of everything and me as dumb. At the same time when he wabts to get something done from me he starts with praising - just to get me starting and then arguing and abusing starts. So many where to start with .......how u deal with this

His dad is following him on twitter with the message - once i thought my dad was wrong and now my son thinks i am wrong (something like that) the bastard who called me prostitute in front of everyone . I left everything but my husband knew this girl will look after me well so got me back into his life and i worked luke animals but in the process i lost my kidneys and hand transplant 4 years back . Behind my back he us doing everything he like. Goes out and maintains all sorts of relations.... Thinking or without thinking - that i am helpless now as my mom expired and family doesn't care at all.

my husband is extremely selfish and self centred. he behaves differently when i am with him in public and at home. he is abusive and have no respect for me or my body. he jus treats me like a thing for sex.

More& more these days people fail to realize just how cheap words are*; but we all know showing it is another! The same is for love! <br />
You don't need a plan or schedule or an alarm clock to remember it either!true love never fails to "show" it just happens, it's not forced* cuz how you feel about somebody is how you treat them *when I heard that I cried, its lonely and cold to be thought of with such disregard,such tremendous pain inside your heart...it aches till you are numb..and to think One Hug from this thoughtless other is the cure all for the day,or maybe a wink from across the room as they blow a kiss your way.. (no words ACTIONS)<br />
HOW YOU REALLY FEEL ABOUT SOMEONE is HOW YOU WILL TREAT THEM....Usually if you say something a person will make a conscience effort 2 eliminate giving an uncaring vibe,if not then you know,council???? start your days with" morning my love " then.." hello! how was your day?!"<br />
(my guess us your doing this all ready)..if so SILENCE IS GOLDEN.... after all he will talk if your not? give it a try outta love..& after the..." hi love how was your day"

Boundaries don't work for many...some men are good at setting them but won't allow themselves to follow those same rules they set for others. Believe me, I am not trying to be a wet blanket. But I have been to counseling; spoken with psychologists...discovered a lot about myself but also discovered that unless someone truly wants to change...and sometimes they will if they think they are going to lose what is precious to them.... but more often then not they are stuck on stupid. It's very sad when the very people that you are supposed to love and respect the most turn out to be the ones we abhor.

Sounds if your husband is a very self-centered, selfish guy and emosional abusive too. You have to set up boundaries - there is quite a lot of information on the net about setting up boundaries in marriage and stick to it. At first things will become worse, but eventually it will get better. Just be strong and don't give in. A marriage is about give and take. I hope things will get better for you...

Trust me, I understand. My husband is selfish and self-centered. Everything is for him. I get him things he hints at that he wants or just get him a card to say I care. He hasn't done anything for me for years. No Christmas, no birthday, no anniversary, nothing. No flowers, no card, no nice words. He constantly criticizes me and if I react, I am a *****. I am on anti-depressants now because I never know when he is going to start in on me literally for nothing and blame me because I provoked him or didn't understand what he meant and aggravated him. He just bought himself a $40,000 truck. My vehicle is over 11 years old and he has flat out told me that there is no way I am getting a new car until the bills are paid. Oh, did I mention he bought a new motorcycle this summer? And ran up the credit cards and blamed me? Did I mention I bought him a new laptop for "Christmas" because all he did was ***** to me that he didn't want to use the main computer and I have a 7" computer and he wanted a new one? Did I mention that I bought him a new weather station for "Christmas" because I wanted him to have something nice? Did I also mention we did laundry on Christmas day and he didn't even so much as get me a card or say Merry Christmas? It isn't in my nature to be stingy and I have always been a giving, caring person. It's very painful to be with someone that only thinks in terms of himself. What I got for Christmas was this...from him..."Oh honey, I stopped in a local store and saw a really neat piece of jewelry that I wanted to get for you, but couldn't afford it. But I will take you by the store so you can see it!" Or making excuses like I am not sure what to get you, so rather then get you something you don't want, I won't get you anything. I have heard it all and there is no excuse for anyone to treat their spouse in such a manner. It isn't the material things at all, it's the manner in which he behaves and treats me. He told me we have been married for almost 6 years and he doesn't have to do anything nice for me anymore. Like that one? He knows no bounds in the pain he has inflicted and continues to do so. Yes, I have approached him in a nice way, doesn't work. He is really good at changing the conversation around to somehow blaming me for everything. Like the $40,000 truck he just purchased...well, he was so busy trying to make me "happy" that he forgot to find out if the dealership had checked the oil. Like that one? He had a beautiful truck that had everything on it and was almost paid for. Now he has gone into an 8 year contract, $600 a month, for a truck we cannot afford. And of course I get blamed...so what I am saying to you is no matter how much you want someone to change, they will either do it because they want to or in most cases, they won't and it's too bad. I believed in the sanctity of marriage until I wound up with the one I am with. He is cruel, rude, nasty, self-centered, selfish and worst of all, portrays he is a nice guy to the world. Fortunately for me, my family and friends have seen him in action and know what he is like. He is the great team pla<x>yer at work and manages to deal with everyone there in a calm, even tempered manner. When it comes to me, he is the meanest person I have ever met. Leave him? I would but I am disability and he knows I can't because of medical insurance. If you have the opportunity and can, trust me, Cerene, all that you have gone through with him has been good, but if he doesn't make the change at this point, he won't. I am very sorry for you but take it from someone that has been down the road a million times, it doesn't get any better and it won't. RUN, don't walk.

My hubby also does this to me and many more- actually i recon all the post about this subject reflects my husband; i am lost and alone; i have started hating my life

Have you tried telling him how you feel? It sounds you and I are a lot alike. I am wanting to do things for my wife like have supper ready, kitchen cleaned up, get her an extra blanket when she is cold etc. I could be in the final stages of hypothermia and she wouldn't think to get me a blanket. Try to not fight his self centered ways with becoming self centered yourself. Be honest and open about the way he makes you feel and hopefully he will see how he's been. In the meantime don't lose your giving spirit, it is a great quality.