God Knows I Tried, I Simply Cant Take It Anymore

Not long ago i submitted a story of my commitment to my wife whos been diagnosed with bipolar and borderline personality. However, the events just continue to wind out of control and now my kids are wanting me to divorce their mom.

The events of the past 20 years are way to numerous to mention here, but those who know me don't understand why i continue to live in this environment. My defense has always been my commitment to my vows and stand by her in sickness and in health. At the same time i'm starting to see that its beyond my help. Through therapy i know i cant make her change or maintain her medications. She does see a therapist and is on heavy meds. Although she has been committed twice and attempted suicide, i truly love her and don't blame her because of the disease.

Through all this i have lost my job of 15 years. I was sent to jail for a fight she instigated. Credit is absolutely ruined. Her car was repossessed. She filed for divorce two years ago during an episode which we since reconciled. My family hates her and refuses to speak to her ever again. I gave her the ultimatum that we separate for 6 months which we did and the time apart seemed to work. Shortly after we moved back in together, we made the mistake of having a baby which neither of us planned ( i love this child more than life itself). She works as a nurse and makes a good living. Me....well im unemployed and waiting on unemployment insurance to kick in. I do EVERYTHING around the house, cleaning, cooking, taking care of baby day and night, laundry, shopping for clothes and groceries, helping my 13yr old with his homework and on and on and on. All this while she sleeps. Understandably she is working early morning hours, and im out of work i don't mind this but this has always been the case, which has gotten worse through the years.

Here's the straw that broke the camels back. We got a new dog for my 13 yr old about a year and a half ago. I suspected she was abusing the dog behind closed doors by beating and such. Each time i would plead with her to stop. It continues and my boys have even caught her in the act. We explained to her the legal and family consequences if this continues, she agreed to stop and apologized. She has been doing this every time i run out for an errand, groceries, etc. Today i had to run out and respectfully asked her to be nice while i was gone. When i returned my son silently told me he caught her in the bedroom strangling the poor animal. She told him not to say a word to me or she would divorce me and since i have no job, we would have nowhere to live or food to eat. He said " dad please don't say anything to her", which i haven't, I just document each event.

God, what do i do? I have no money, no job, 3 month old daughter. My family is in another state and quite frankly dont talk to me since i made the decision to stay with her. The last time she broke down it got very, very ugly. I want out and i need to protect my children from this ticking time bomb. She is such a beautiful women with a good heart and the ability to function outside the home. We are terrified of when she comes home and hope she is in a good mood. I know that if i do leave the chances of her committing suicide are high.

I don't want to destroy her like she has me, i just cant maintain my sanity and protect my children. Ive prayed and prayed for guidance, understanding and an answer to my sacrifices but it seems that in this situation God is saying its time to get out before someone gets hurt.

Any advice? Im all out of ideas.
drewtexas drewtexas
41-45, M
3 Responses Aug 9, 2010

All i can say is don't quit from believing in HIM. He knows you and your name. That your name will soon be changed for good. God bless

I think your wife may have been misdiagnosed. Maybe she has other issues going on. The stuff she does, does not sound like a borderline or a bi polar. She really needs professional help, if you want to stay with her I would hope you and the whole family seek some counseling, your story is very sad.<br />
I live with BPD every day and have for the past 48 years, I know quite a bit about BPD and BD and like I said before she has many other issues going on here.<br />
I give you a Medal for staying with her, most people leave the BPD person. I would not say this in most cases but in yours, you might think about getting you and the kids out.<br />
Please remember one thing though, your wife has no control over this disease she has, her not seeking help is not a good thing but it is common.<br />
It sounds like she needs some inhouse treatment and a good doctor....<br />
Good luck my friend..............

Lean on God for your answer. Bipolar disorder is a serious mental problem. I am in process of divorcing my husband of 2 years who is bipolar and killed my beloved dog with an assault rifle. I moved out of state prior to him going crazy and was able to find a job within 2 weeks. Praise God!<br />
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Some people that have bipolar are out of control and unpredictable and jeopardize your safety. Ask yourself if you really want to put up with this the rest of your life and have constant emotional stress brought on my the relationship.