Being In A Relationship With Someone With Bpd Makes You Feel Just As Crazy As They Feel.

My name is Brian, I was in a relationship with a young lady who has BPD, and like most of you, in the beginning sparks flew, attachment between us both grew tight very quickly, my caring and love for her never felt stronger, we heavily enjoyed eachothers company, hanging out together very very often, going out to movies, dinner, sometimes just driving around and talking or going and laying down outside or sitting and talking for hours. We trusted eachother so much and we had feelings of never going seperate ways, we would always agree that we could see this lasting a long time. The first couple of months was great in my opinion, then after a couple of months thing quickly made a U-turn. First started little fights about insignifcant issues that a normal enough couple would just shrug off and move forward. She started becoming secretive, going out when she would tell me she felt like staying home, mind you she never cheated, or at least that i know of. Then she started picking at little flaws and fears that I had, basing those off the fights, and then claiming its my fault that these arguments are occurring. So then tension grew between us and the connection and attachment started to crumble slowly, and then I became a victim of constant cheating accusations, she was convinced I was up to something. Then came the hated-love stage, when one minute she would be so angry with me, and then she would be cuddling next to me saying sorry. After this came actions that I found rationally dissapointing and anger-provoking. On my 21st birthday, a bunch of us went out to eat and since it was my 21st I of course ordered a drink, shes one year younger than me making her 20, and the entire dinner she was scheming to find a way to get herself a drink at dinner, bothering and jeopordizing my friends by bothering them to go to the bar and get a drink, then just bring it to her. I was very upset with this because if we were to be found out, we would all be kicked out and someone could have been arrested. That night at my apartment I was obviously mad at her, but yet she was stroking my hair and kissing my neck asking why im so mad after explaining three times why already, but she saw NO problem with her actions. This is the crazy thing about it, I do something small its world war three, then she does something and she expects me to just shrug it off like nothing happened. Eventually she started be-friending shady people and just using them because they had good drugs since she occasionally uses. But being from a family of police officers and a perspective one myself, i knew for a fact these people were no good at all, but she wanted to go hang out with them, and i feared for her safety but she yelled at me for caring? MAKES NO SENSE!! So despite all the love in the world i have for her still, my heart is shattered from this, and my confidence is just comming back. I eventually broke up with her because of all this mental torture, I didnt want to break up with her, i didnt, i love her with all my heart, but i couldnt keep living my life like that. And im still here healing from this horrible experience and breakup, and shes out acting like our relationship never ever happened. Its hard to let go of the resentments and anger, i still hold on to it, because its the only thing that keeps me going instead of running back to her and self-destroying my life for her. But i still hold so much anger and rage from it. And it sucks horribly. and just like the title says, I felt just as crazy and she might have been feeling with this mental issue. If youve read this I thank you for hearing out my story and hopefully some people who are in the middle of this kind of situation cant be motivated to see what the end result will be and mabye pull out before your heart and soul becomes damaged.
btimlin117 btimlin117
18-21
May 5, 2012