In The Process Of Divorcing My Bpd Wife

My wife has BPD. I fell in love with my best friend but she treats me like her worst enemy. I have always been a fairly well balanced and happy person. I feel like she has eaten me alive. I have never been as stressed in my entire life. I feel like I have a cancer inside me that is destroying me. Many times I have gone to bed furious and with no end in sight. Often wondering, how I can continue to go on and how this situation will ever change. My body and mind have rejected the stress. I have nightmares where I am in an extreme rage and feel completely out of control. I have developed shingles as a result of the stress. She has consumed my life in a terrible way. For a long time, I was scared of the possibilities of divorce. I did not know what she was capeable of and I was scared of losing my son. She is unbelievable manipulative and stunningly brilliant. I knew that she would paint the worst picture possible of me and that only bad things would happen. Finally, I decided that I simply could not live like this and that I was becoming an terrible role model for my son. What kind of man allows himself to be cussed like a dog, hit, and cheated on by his wife? What kind of example am I showing him? What kind of man will he become? With all this said, I decided to proceed with a divorce. It has been very difficult. She has been a master of manipulation. She has begged and pleaded with me to give her the opportunity to fix it. The problem is , we have been down this road so many times before that I can't and will not go back. It is unbelievably difficult but I know that there is an end in sight. At some point, it will get better. If I do not proceed, it will never change. Whenever I doubt myself, I find the strength to push forward by looking at my son. I hope this helps you in some way. Best of luck.
pantherfan9625 pantherfan9625
31-35, M
5 Responses Sep 21, 2012

I am in the same situation..I have known I needed to get out for months now but I finally found the courage to do it..my wife has BPD and although the "good" times can be really good the bad time are horrible..we decided to separate because of all the fighting.. I prayed and asked God to help me in making the right decision...I got to work and decided to call my cousin about a suspicious "girls night out" that my wife had lied to me about..what came out of that conversation let me know that I had to leave her...its been really difficult and even with all of that I still miss her but I think its just loneliness and I am at such peace with just me and my children...I will make it, you will make it...just remember the bad times when you have a moment of weakness...I am sure there are plenty of them

Man I am going through the divorce process with my BPD wife as we speak. This is the most ridiculous display of human behavior that I have ever seen in my entire life. I dealt with 3+ years of lies, cheating and general lack of effort to help with finances on her part. I moved out and hired an attorney, and cut off virtually all contact with her in the process. However, I kept my old email address open for evidence gathering purposes, and almost each day sees at least a dozen (unanswered) emails from her. They started out 'poor pitiful me, how could you' and degenerated into the most obvious lies geared towards getting me to rush back to the house and come back to her, including: getting a job, finding Jesus, now I'm pregnant, I have cancer etc...the list goes on and on. Deep down I feel bad for her but if I ever have a chance of having a happy life, this is exactly what I have to do.

I am sorry for anyone who is married to a person with BPD or who is suspected of having this problem.You are bound for a rocky ride.At first you will be idealised and then you will be devalued in some way.I have noticed that many people married to BPDs say that they can do nothing right{this is the devaluation} and of course the standard feeling of walking on egg shells whee you attempt not to set them off by being extra cautious and find not only that this is a huge strain but it breaks down and they become quite creative in finding out all the ways that you are bad and just plain no good.

Despite the fact that i am a mental health professional i think that i am married to a high functioning borderline that has all but driven me crazy.Indded crazy making is a common experience with many people married to this sort of person to the extent that you may find yourself at times doubting your own sanity in the BPD dance that you will be led through.

It can take you strange places and the pain can sometimes be so bad that despite of the fact that i am a stable person I have had transient thoughts of sucicide as a means out.I mean transient most definately as lasting seconds.However it does show you just how far you can be both pushed and then pulled in this sort of relationship.Indeed pull/push is an important part of the dynamic.

In my case one of the pull/push was to first give me hope of change by apparently showing some compassion and insight{I am sorry for what I have done,I know i have a problem} followed by i would not have this problem if it were not for you.Apart from that a third postion was sometimes also adopted-I dont have a problem ot just a very little one.Ironic after moths of emotional havoc.

Interested to see if this has any echo for anyone.

Now sorry for the rather poor spelling there.I am very tired and have had a rather hard day in which I have been accused of having a dark and evil side.I can cope with this as I have heard it before so nothing new.New however was suggesting that our daughter has hinted that I might be an emotional abuser.This is quite offensive and she backed down on this.Curiously i have considered for some time her once constant stream of very personal devaluations of myself to be very emotionally abusive.Projection is a wonderful thing.

My txting sucks. But, the story remains the same. Find peace and love

I have a man i love who is just starting his divorce from his bed wife. It story is like hearing him tell me about her. 23 yrs he was faithful. But, enough is enough. My prayers r with u