Our Life So Far

I am a 23 year old mother of two children, a 4 year old son and a 3 year old daughter and I am married to a man who is 23 himself that is an alcoholic. We are childhood sweethearts and best friends. Since the age of 7 my husband and I have been best friends and lovers since we were 15. My husband didn't start drinking till he was about 18 years old, early senior year in high school but at that time it was only a drink here and there, he started out with pills and drinking cough syrup. February 23, 2007 ( middle of our senior year of high school) my husband and I found out that we were pregnant. He wasn't too thrilled because of the fact that he never wanted children, he never wanted children only because he didn't like the idea of bringing helpless innocent lives into such a crude,horrible discussing world and didn't want his children growing up in such a hateful place( as children he was bullied a lot and didn't want the same for his). So to deal with this he did pills and drank a little. Soon we found out it was a boy, he was excited but worried because of his experience growing up. The closer we got to my due date the more he drank and the more I had to go threw my first pregnancy alone. The night I was in labor with our son my husband was there, he was wasted and did go out to the car a lot to drink out of his bottle of vodka but he was there and that meant a lot to me. On Oct 13th 2007 we had our son, a big boy! It was more then just a special day because we had our first child but a week before that I had my 19th birthday and 9 days later I gave my husband the best birthday gift he could ever have, a first born son on his 19th birthday. It was an instant bond between these two boys, my sons first reaction was gripping his daddy's finger and smiling. From the moment on my husband cut down on his drinking. We felt like a real family only it was time for us to move out of his parents house and be our own family. We didn't have much money and he wasn't getting many hours of work but we were able to get into a HUD housing apartment. We didn't have much of anything but we had out first place and we felt like things were going good for us. He still only drank a little due to the money situation. When our son was 13 mo old we had gotten pregnant with our daughter. 4 mo before that we had been trying to conceive because we wanted a little girl now. When we found out about our daughter his drinking got worse but he also got into smoking pot and since then it has only gotten worse. After our daughters birth we did move out into our own house that were we're going to eventually buy and remodel and add on a 3rd bedroom but shortly after he lost his job so we lost the house and everything that we had, back to square one and back into the HUD apartment we went. Once he lost his job he got really bad. He actually became physically abusive if he had too much to drink. At one point because I threaten to leave if he didn't quite he took a whole bottle of his Xanax and drank a half gallon of vodka in half an hour, took the car to his parents house were his parents kept his, his sisters and there guns were he tried to kill himself, luckily his sister happen to show up right before he loaded the gun and called there parents were his mom had him admitted into a psychiatric hospital. For awhile it really helped and we were both very happy but soon again the drinking picked up, he stopped the pills but he kept drinking and smoking pot. We have had some lucky moments were there was no drinking but it has always picked back up. Most recently the drinking is out of hand again, he is now lieing to me about how much his pay checks really are and how much he truly is drinking. Because we do live in HUD housing apartments our rent is 30% of our income so not a whole of money. Our rent is due the first of the month and we have till the 5th to have it payed, after that it's a $5 penilty fee and a $1 day. We have yet been able to pay our rent because the money he had for rent over the weekend he spent over 300$ on alcohol to get drunk. We are still trying to save money to try and pay it so we don't get evicted but he manages to get ahold of the money and buy beer and whatever eles he wants along with buying fake pot. I have threaten to leave him till he gets better but not only does he need me I need him as well along with the fact that I love him. We have been talking a lot more about his addiction and he has been wanting to quit. After doing some research I realize that it's going to take time and that it's all up to him and all I can do now is wait, help him when he needs the help and to get support from fellow supporters going threw the same situation as me. I do have hope for me, my family and for others like me. Right now were are just about at rock bottom but I just have to stay strong and be positive.
merrill88 merrill88
22-25, F
Sep 19, 2012