I Am An Alcoholic Magnet!

I am married to an alcoholic.  My Father, step mother, grandparents, and last 2 husbands were alcoholics as well.  My current husband was "clean & Sober" when I married him.  We have been together 8 years, the first 2 were awsom...Then he began binging again.  He has lost jobs, his child, health, me at one time, drivers license, friends, got 3 DUI causing a felony (driving drunk wwith a child in the car) went to prison, has 10 years over his head and continues to drink!!!!  I am living in hell!  I am in love with the sober person, however, hate the drunk one!  I believe I need to leave, but really do love him.  I am 41 and feel I am wasting my time.  The only way for him to be delivered is for him to hit bottom, and God take over!  Unfortunately his bottom may be death!  I am so lost and do not know what to do or why I bother to stay!  HELP

rsutr rsutr
41-45, F
4 Responses Mar 13, 2009

didn't read all the comments so this may be repetitious. However, when you are a child of alcohol which sounds as if you are you will tend to gravitate towards alcoholics. i am one and have done a lot of reading on the subject as i struggle with my sobriety. i say struggle because it is. With that being said - your husband can only help himself - and that is a bottom line. You however do not have to suffer in silence - there are groups out there that you can go to to talk and receive support. And if you decide to leave then so be it - you can not be held captive to another's responsibility - unfortunately this does end badly - with death. But you must live on or live with regret. it is not easy but i wish you all the best.

I, too, am married to an alcoholic, so I understand some of what you are going through. It sounds to me like your life is a living hell and revolves around your husband and whether or not he is drinking or sober. I don't think anyone can tell you whether or not to leave your husband because ultimately you will do what you want to do, when you are ready to do it. You cannot change him, and the more you make life "easier" for him (ie. minimise the consequences to his decisions) the less likely he will get help for his problem. Alternatively, if you are a provoker and nag/argue with him to get help or allow your frustration and anger to build up - you too will be contributing to the problem and causing more stress in the home that gives him an excuse to drink.<br />
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You can't change him but you can change you. The best that you can do in this situation is to get help for you. Find support: friends you can talk to who will listen, and most importantly - attend Al-Anon. Find a group close by to you and attend regularly. If you have teenage children, encourage them to attend Al-Ateen. There is a high percentage of children with an alcoholic parent of becoming an addict themselves - but you can help prevent this by encouraging them to get the support they need.<br />
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And find things in life that you enjoy doing - contribute your gifts and strengths to something to a community group and have some fun. Focus more of your time and energy on you rather than your alcoholic husband.<br />
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In time, your strength will enable you to be able to manage life with your alcoholic husband whether he is in recovery or actively drinking - or it will enable you to have the strength to make the decision to leave him.<br />
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All the best.

I don't have any answers, but my heart hurts for you... you must feel like your torn in half. HUGS

cause you care too much. You have a loving heart. and you want to change him? I don't know if you can with drinking, but surely he hasn't reach a point where he hit rock bottom to stop drinking. I wonder if theres a drug for that?