I'm Scared

I met my husband  after 1 year of sobriety for himself.  He had a long, nasty addiction to Loratab.  He successfully completed a year of inpatient rehab and started going back to church, so I thought I was safe.  He moved, to be with me, 3 hours from his hometown.  Unfortunately, because of the economy, neither of us have been able to find work in the small town i'm from, so we're moving our family to the town he is from.  (A much larger town).  Every one of his old drug friends are in jail & we're moving onto his parents property, so I feel like we should be okay (as far as him not going back down THAT path) but for some reason, I am terrified.  Terrified, that as soon as we get back, he will fall into his old habits .  I know I am the only one, that can make the decision to go with him to find work, and take a chance, but I just can't seem to get the nagging feeling out of the back of my mind....
Sehasty Sehasty 31-35, F 1 Response Oct 13, 2011

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Im an addict... Opiates...everykind. If i want to do it i will. Wife there or not... Kids there.. I can justify it. You didnt cause...create it and u cant cure it. Go to alanon they teach u to detatch and regain sanity. Truth is...ur as sick as he is..u married him. Nothing personal just the truth. Now go get around ppl who have been thru it and then reach ur hand out and youll see wen u help that new alanon just wer u came from. Beautiful feeling. Following is tge truth about us drug addicts.

My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fufilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.

My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.

My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decison to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.

And until I make that decsion, I will hurt you again and again and again.

Stop being surprised.

I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.