Alcohol,pain Pills,& Crack....

My name is Kim & I'm married to an addict of alcohol pain pills & crack.This is my 2nd marriage.My first husband was addicted to pills & alcohol.I went from bad to worse.I've been with my husband for 10 (long) years.There's been far more bad than good.He's been in a coma twice & has had a stroke also & he's only 43.I care about him but I'm not in love with him & I haven't been for a long time.I've done everything in my power to help him,but he always goes back.My 3 kids have moved out over the past few years because of him,which has almost killed me.I have no family around me to help me.I feel so alone all of the time.I have to hide my money & the car keys all the time.The tension at my house is so thick.When other people are around I feel like I'm walking on needles & pins & I have to make excuses for how he acts.I've been to alanon meetings & he's been in treatment a few times.He's been arrested many of times.Nothing seems to work.I know that I need to help myself,but I have no way out & no place to go.I feel like I'm trapped in this horrible nightmare!This past weekend feel like I've hit bottom.My husband went after my 13 year old son & punched him in his face a bunch of times & then said he was just playing around.He busted open his lip & cut his eye.I had to pull him off of him & I freaked out on him.We ended up leaving for the night.My husband ended up getting arrested that night & doesn't even remember it.When he got out of jail,he got 2 pints & some crack.He ended up calling the police in the middle of the night because he thought people were looking in the window.I feel like I'm losing my mind.
yellowkim yellowkim
36-40, F
1 Response May 16, 2012

I am truly sorry you are living like this. I am a recovering drug addict (5 years clean) and both of my wives suffered through years of what you are explaining. I think it is crazy that addicts can actually make people believe the things you are saying like " know that I need to help myself,but I have no way out & no place to go.I feel like I'm trapped in this horrible nightmare!". If you just read what you wrote and another person had written it I am sure you would say "is that person CRAZY?" I am not saying you are crazy! But wouldn't you rather live in a tent in the woods than let someone hurt your child and yourself?<br />
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You are not trapped and you are not helpless. You lived a long time before this fool and you will live a better life for a long time after he is a memory. There are plenty of resources for you. Leave and burn your bridges behind you. I promise you will make it. I would suggest going to a local church and talk with the pastor, if he is a decent pastor he will have many connections in the community that he will set you up with. <br />
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Pack your **** right now. Or just leave it all there and get new someday. Either way leave with your kid and never look back. You are hurting everyone involved by staying there, including the junky. I don't know many recovering addicts that got sober with their wife sticking around (I am sure many do though) becasue it feels like a safety net to have people staying around. Once I was alone and desperate enough and the pain was to bad, no home, no money, no friends, no clean clothes, nowhere to go but prison or die, I finally worked at getting clean. I had been in and out of programs for almost 10 years before that.<br />
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Good luck. Feel free to send me a message if you would like someone to share with or have any questions. You are going to be great.