My Husband Is Addicted To Spice

It's nice to see I'm not the only one, but it's so discouraging to hear of other people struggling through this without an end in sight. My marriage was wonderful for quite a while. Now he's addicted to spice, smoking it all the time. Doesn't matter if he's with me or the kids or going to work... he doesn't care. He's so moody. He'll yell at the kids for no reason. One minute everything's fine and everyone's having fun, the next he's demanding everyone be quiet because he's "had enough". My older son repeatedly asks me "why does Daddy yell at you so much"? He doesn't care how much money he spends or how much it bothers me. He turns it all around on me. I "don't give him any grace", he says he's "struggling" (with depression) and I "treat him badly" for not being okay with what he's doing.

Growing up and for many years I didn't believe divorce was okay. Now I don't know what I believe. At what point do I say that this marriage is unhealthy for my kids and myself and get out? How long do I tolerate emotional and mental abuse? How long do I let the kids think it's okay to treat someone the way he treats me? I won't be able to look at myself in the mirror if my boys grow up and treat a woman this way because they think it's acceptable. So where's the limit? Where's the line, the deciding factor? If he never physically hits me (although he's punched through walls, kicked through doors, smashed furniture, mirrors, picture frames, and threatened me) is there never a clear line that says it's gone too far, for too long?

At what point do I say that I've fought for us and tried to save him from himself and his addiction, but I've done everything I can and the rest is up to him? When do I say "choose the drugs or me", and follow through by moving me and the kids out? When do I say that the kids and I are better off with nothing but each other as long as he's not hurting us? And how in the world did my life turn into this mess?
calbrack3 calbrack3
7 Responses May 18, 2012

This sounds identical to my life in every way. Sometimes I'm ready to give up. I'm sick of all the yelling and moodiness from the stupid spice and I don't think I can take watching my 2 year old deal with this anymore. I hope the best for you.

Fornia, I'm so sorry. It is such a horrible way to live. Watching your child suffer is so hard. For me, knowing what my children had to go through is the worst part of the whole mess. Be careful, for my husband the violence escalated suddenly and was really scary. Be safe, and feel free to "talk" to me on here if you need someone who understands!

It's been almost 2 months since my first post here, and a month since my last update. My husband claims to be 40 days sober. Do I believe him? I don't know. I have loved ones around me telling me that ba<x>sed on his behavior I shouldn't. He's still angry, defensive and unpredictable. He gave me NO money at all this whole time until his last paycheck - he had let it go to direct deposit again and I transferred it out the morning it went in. I doubt I would've gotten any otherwise. The up-side is that I've gotten some counseling and become stronger. I have been able to stand up to him several times recently, which I haven't done before. I still don't know what's going to happen. He's living in a friend's ba<x>sement, that can't last, and I can't support our kids and maintain our home on just my income...

As a young married expecting mother, I can sort of relate. My husband and I were just married this past February, & he recently lost his job about a month ago. Before I became pregnant we both were pretty habitual users of spice. The second we found out of the pregnancy we both stopped. Now, we just moved into a home, (first home I've ever had of my own- IN MY PARENTS NAME) and he has became very addicted to spice because of his "job loss". Now, He has no motivation to go look for a new job, to take care of his family or try to do anything to help out. All he wants to do is have his so called friends over and smoke spice. He goes through sometimes more than two bags a day, and whenever I tell him Im not going to ask my parents for money or try and help him get it, he pouts and bullyings me "emotionally" into getting him a bag. I never before understood how strong this spice stuff is and now I fully see that it is affecting my marriage. Am I supposed to just let my husband who I love stay here and continue not trying to help his family? Or am I to tell him to leave (note- he has no where to go, no family that cares and no vehicle to leave in, he only has me). I don't know what to do and Im going into my third trimester trying to stay calm and stress free for my child but Im so depressed and stressed that Im on the verge of a mental breakdown.

Gibbyswife, based on my experience I would really encourage you to kick him out. I know you're worried about him - trust me, I've felt those feelings through this whole mess. But you're about to have a baby. That baby is completely dependent on you and needs you to provide it a safe home. You're not safe with a spice addict in the house. You might think you are but you're not. Uncontrollable and unpredictable rage are two huge side effects of the drug. If you haven't seen it yet I'm glad, but don't wait around for it to happen. My husband never laid a hand on me, but I was truly scared for my life the night I ran. At the very least he would've really hurt me. Please please please stand up to him before things become worse for you and your baby. Are you talking to anyone? Get someone to listen to you - a counselor, family member, friend - listen to her when she tells you that bullying you into doing things is not love and is not acceptable behavior. G'swife - I wish I'd stood up sooner, for myself and my kids. They didn't deserve to go through everything they've been through. You don't deserve this either. You can still love him and help him if he wants to get treatment, but don't let him be there smoking that stuff, and definitely don't let him bring his friends around smoking it.

I am sooo thankful I have found this site. God I was beginning to think that I was the only dealing with this!!! I take it he never did quit? I'm at my wits end with it. It's like he isn't the same person and smokes so much he can't even think. Ugh. I told him today he had to go. I'm done being nice. Any pointers?!?!

I hope you're doing okay. My husband actually did quit - so there is hope. He's been sober six months now. It's hard to believe. We moved back in together a month ago. There are still some issues, and I really struggle with trusting him after everything that's happened, but we're moving forward.
Stay strong. Let him know that he's choosing between you and the drugs. Hopefully he'll see clearly enough to get help. Keep yourself safe and healthy. I'm praying for you.

I'm so happy for you. How did he quit? Did he have to get help? I've been hearing from people that mine is involved in many more drugs and has been keeping in from me. Like living a total separate life. Know he loves me. But not enough to get help. Distance is my answer.....this time I won't be here for him when he bottoms out. I deserve more than this.

It was losing me and the kids that forced him to face what he was doing. I took them and got an order of protection after yet another episode of temper that left me very scared. I know some people lose their families and just keep going. I thank God that for him, it was enough to make him stop.

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I am going through something similar now. My husband started with alcohol, then moved to spice, and is now addicted to "White Bolt" plant food, which is similar to bath salts. I have been back and forth with guilt, on my decision, but I have decided to divorce him and he will be getting the papers within the next week. I am terrified of his reaction. He has a history of anger and threatening (although he has never hit me or my son), but I am worried this will push him over the edge. He knows I have a lawyer that that he will be served, he will be angry at the fact that it says boldy in the document that I want legal custody due to his history of alcohol and substance abuse. I appreciate that there are others out there who know what I am going through. I feel a little stronger knowing that others have left.

I left last Tuesday with the kids, he was extremely angry and agitated and threatened me. We ran. He became more violent and threatening, causing damage to my property and filling my phone with nasty threatening texts. I went to the court the next day and filed for an Order of Protection because he still hadn't calmed down and was saying he was going to take the kids an run. That infuriated him too, but he's afraid of another arrest, so he's staying away from us for now. I have no idea where things go from here. My husband for 12 years. And I have a restraining order against him. I can hardly believe it's my life.<br />
It's been scary learning more and more about it. I've talked to multiple police officers, probation officer, drug rehab specialists... at least in our area this is now an epidemic. It's destroying people and families. It is a horrible, dangerous drug.

My husband is also addicted to spice. It numbs me. I don't know what to do anymore except pray. And sometimes I wonder is that even helping. He previously was smoking weed but "to find a job" he switched and that was the worst decision ever. He is moody and disconnected. I have a 3 year old daughter and a 2 year old son and I'm pregnant due in October with a baby girl. It scares me to bring another child into this mess. He didn't start smoking spice until about a year after my son was born. I wonder what he is going through. We can't even have a conversation without it turning into a argument so I stay silent most the time I can't deal with the stress. I'm just done. It's hard having the kids and one on the way and sometimes I think that I'm the bad person if I leave.. but I know that's all lies and manipulation. I don't know. Everything is easier said than done. I thought I was seriously the only wife going through this. I'm surprised but also saddened to see that I'm not...

My husband is also addicted. It has really escalated recently. He claims he is depressed, has anger issues, stress, pain; anything to justify smoking. He is dumb and duh when he is high. Angry between highs. Sometimes his normal self. He has alienated many friends and family members. He blames everyone but himself.<br />
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It isn't your fault or mine. This is a choice that is made and recovery can only help when the choice to recover is made. I'm leaving. My kids don't need this and neither do I.

I am curious about some side affects that I have noticed with him. Of course he says its all in my head but I know that's bs. He can't sleep at night. He is up every couple hrs smoking more. Leg twitches, some nights sweating like crazy. He has vomited before. Horrible cough. Anyone see this?

I almost laughed when I read your post. Not because its funny but because I had those same conversations with my husband when he was addicted. He was up every couple of hours to smoke, had horrible night-sweats, vomited almost daily and had a cough that lasted close to a year. It's horrible. They're killing themselves.

Nice to know it wasn't in my head. :)

my husband has all these issues + chronic diarrea etc...and if he gets tired of listeni g to .e complain or had no money and tries to not smoke for a day...has horrible headaches

It\'s so hard to watch. I hope he gets help.

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