Have Been An Asexual Husband To A Caring Wife For Far, Far Too Long

I imposed my asexuality on my fine and caring wife for far too long, as our careers and lives took us together over three continents. Unsurprisingly, I have hurt her very much and cannot continue to hurt her a moment longer. She is the love of my life and I do desire her but understand how hard it is for her to trust me at all. I have turned to this site to understand how a man with limited but not nonexistent sexual confidence and desire who has imposed asexuality on a vulnerable wife can take responsibility, undo the harm he has caused and if still possible build a real marriage, based on the truth. In addition to reading relevant postings, I would be so grateful for experiences and advice from partners or couples in which the asexual party has taken full responsibility and worked to earn trust that he does not even deserve.
Sixdollargum Sixdollargum
46-50, M
3 Responses May 6, 2012

I would love to hear an update if you are still around. I am married to an asexual man, whom I love with all my heart. Our relationship is killing me though. Like BethM, I feel everything is very one sided. I feel unloved, unappreciated, and undesirable, no matter how much he says he desires me. I just don't understand. I am hoping this can work, but it seems so hopeless.

I would love to hear any responses to this from others as I am married to an asexual man whom I love very much. Each day feels like rejection even though I've gotten counseling and understand rationally it's not a reflection of who I am. He's my best friend and I would do anything for him. I know he loves me, but all physical contact is only what he allows. Please help me to understand why it's only allowed one sided.

I have been reading a few of these post form asexual men/women, and I don't understand why an asexual can't simply have sex even if they don't want too? There is many things I don't wanna do with women but I do them anyway, and not because I feel the need/desire they are, but because it's what they need/desire.