I've been with my partner for six years now. When we first met I had no idea that he was asexual, or that people identified as being asexual. There were signs looking back. He never initiated sex, he didn't like public displays of affection, and though he was with his last partner for a year and a half, they never had sex. None of these things threw up any red flags. I didn't mind initiating. Lots of people feel awkward about being affectionate in public. And when I asked about his last relationship, he said that person just wasn't the right one for him.
The strange thing is, we had sex at first. We were having sex 3-5 times a week for nearly a year.
But everything changed, literally, the night we got our domestic partnership and moved in together. Our sex life became non-existent. At first he gave typical excuses (headache, tired, etc,) but when we finally sat down and talked about it, he said he never felt sexual attraction or the need to have sex with anyone.
It took me a very long time to wrap my head around that. I still don't completely understand. He tells me that he thinks I'm attractive, he loves my body, yet he doesn't want to have sex. He'd rather take care of that himself, privately. I found asexuality.org and that helped a great deal.
The thing is, he's such a great guy and aside from the lack of sex, we have a great relationship. I'm struggling to not take his lack of sexual interest personally. I'm trying to find ways that we can both have our needs met without one of us being uncomfortable and resenting the other. But how do you do that?