Not Even 3 Weeks

My husband and I were in a car accident less than 3 weeks ago. He broke his neck and is now paralyzed. We still don't know how much movement he will regain in the coming months.

We are a young couple. I am 26 and he is 29. We got married 6 months ago after 6 years of being together. He's had a breathing tube since he got to the ER. He can't speak and it's getting very frustrating. He has always been very slow to anger and I have always been very sensitive, so a good match in that respect. Lately he is flying off the handle. He cannot speak but he has a tracheal tube so he can mouth words. He also clicks his tongue to signal and communicate. He can put on the at least calm face when people are around but when we're alone, he gets so angry. He's been lashing out at me and we both know it's not my fault. I've been able to handle it mostly but today I just started crying while trying to spell out his message. He was so angry; his face turned so red. He wasn't comfortable and I couldn't fix it because it was his neck brace bothering him. I just started crying.

He's told me that he feels trapped in his body. He can't speak and he can hardly move. He can't go to the bathroom and doesn't even know when he makes waste. He's been off the vent for a couple days and that means that they will take the trach out soon so he'll be able to speak. We both know that we both need therapy, individually and together, from this new life we've been forced into.

Once he made me cry, I haven't been able to stop. He told me he would leave me alone. I won't leave the room because the no one seems to respond to the nurse call button or his alarms without someone physically going to go find a nurse for him. We're both sleep deprived because he's woken at least every two hours to be turned and maybe poked. He insist that the nurse then wake me so he won't be alone when she leaves. The family has been letting him nap during the day but not me. They use my cot as a couch and talk to me and ask me questions and tell me that I need to stay strong and take care of myself. I'm so frustrated myself and I want to yell at him and everyone that they are taking too much from me. I'm at my breaking point. I can't yell when he needs me to be caring and I'm leaning on the family so much for help. I don't have anywhere to turn to now. I have to wait. He has to wait.

I'm sorry that this is a ramble.
nicothepotato nicothepotato
26-30, F
1 Response Jan 13, 2013

I feel so much compassion for you
I was 25 when my husband had his accident and we had a 7 month old baby. He was hospitalized for 9 months, including rehab, and ended up losing both legs, much use of his hands(though he gained a lot back through therapy and multiple surgeries, and he is now legally blind. For a long time, he could hardly do anything on his own, but it has been 13 years now, and with extensive therapy and surgeries, he has learned to be fairly independent. He can't drive (still legally blind) and was unable to get prosthetics, so he is confined to a wheelchair. He has a few other limitations, as well, and suffers from a lot of pain. I know how horrible it is when you are so young. My husband was life and death for many months and it was a horrific roller coaster ride. My greatest source of strength was, and still is, my faith. But I still get angry, feel forgotten, and so much more. The good news I can tell you is that I've seen miracles happen and I've seen time heal great wounds. We actually ended up adopting a second child from Guatemala years later. We had to get used to a new "normal." But I know your pain and anger and fear. I will say a special prayer for you tonight. I've often wondered if there was anyone else in the world like me. So you aren't alone! Praying for you and your husband.