Living With the One You Love Who Suffers With Ptsd
I will start off by saying it is not easy living with someone who is suffering from PTSD. I am an easy going, happy, love life and people but dealing with this daily takes it's toll. I love my husband with all my heart. I have to walk around him on egg shells because I don't know when the next time is he is going to blow up. His mood swings go from being happy one minute to being down the next and angry the next. I never know what to expect. I am a very positive person and he is always so negative. He has asked me several times why I am still with him. Well I am still with him because deep down I know he can't help this because he is not well. I truly do love him with all my heart. On December 18, 2004 his unit came under attack in Iraq. It was not the attack that caused the PTSD as much as it was seeing his friends wounded and hurt. He won't talk to me about anything that happened to him over in Iraq and I know if you keep stuff inside it will eat away at you. I know I am just rambling here but I need to find people who are going through the same things with maybe some ways to help. I was driving an 18 wheeler and had to come off the road to take care of him because sometimes he shuts down on me and he won't get out of the bed for anything but to go to the rest room. We go to the VA hospital about four times a month for his appointments and their answer is to keep shoving more drugs at him (which he does not take). He seems to be getting angrier and angrier. I am now leaving my local job and going back to driving a truck because no one will really hire him and money has to come in somewhere other than a little part-time minimum wage job. I don't like the idea of going back on the road but what choice do I have. I was working two jobs and running myself down. I am always tired and sick. I have lost my appetite and I am starting to lose a lot of weight. When he lashes out at me he says some pretty cold things. Every time he blows up at me I end up the one crying and hurt and he runs to his mother. She hates my guts because of the lies he tells her about me. I don't know what else I can say here. If anyone can help or has any ideas please tell me. Leaving him is not an answer. I married him for better or worse through sickness and in health. We will be married 11 years the 20th of this month. We have been with each other for 14 years. He is a very good person, he would give you the shirt off his back unless you do him wrong. We don't have any friends to hang out with because he won't go around people hardly. It is hard to even get him to go shopping with me. We will get in the store and he will tell me he has to go sit outside because he can't handle it. When he got out of the Army he bought a farm in the middle of no where in Arkansas just to be away from people. I love it here but I am such a people person I miss being around people. That is the biggest reason I don't want to drive a truck because it is so lonely. Well I guess I have said enough for now. Thank you for your time.
Hello everyone. I know I have not been here in a while but I started driving a semi again and I was now just able to get Internet service for my laptop. My house is boarded up and the electricity is shut off and my husband is on the truck with me. No things have not gotten any better. They have gotten a little worse. He has his days where he is real sweet and will get out and help me with things on the truck and such but then there are days where I can't even get him out of the bunk and up front with me for company. He has been a big help on the truck and it is nice having him with me. If I leave him at the house he won't take care of things or his self so it is just less expensive and easier to have him on the truck with me. He has gotten so mad at me that he has gotten his clothes and got out of the truck and left. One night I was under a load that had to be delivered the next day. I had stopped that night in Jackson, Mississippi to take my ten hour break. See truck drivers can only work 14 hours a day, drive 11 hours within that 14 hours and then have to take a 10 hour break. It all has to be logged. Well he blew up and got his stuff and left. Yes I was worried. He was going to try and walk all the way back home to Arkansas. He took off walking down the highway. Well the police stopped him about ten miles away and told him he could not be out walking down the highway. They made him go to a gas station. He called his mother and she called me wanting to know what was going on and accusing me. Then his brother called me. Now when I am on my ten hour break I cannot move this truck. I can get in a lot of trouble and even lose my job. His mother is a truck driver too and she knows this but she did not care she told me you better get off your *** and go get my son. From 5PM until 3AM I dealt with the phone calls and such from his mother and brother. I called my company and told them what was going on and they told me to keep them posted. I called a cab and asked them how much it would be to get my husband and bring him back to the truck. It cost me 60 dollars and then they still did not go pick him up so I called the local police and they called the cab company to tell them that they were there with my husband and that it was a legit call. Then I called my company and borrowed the money from them to pay for the cab. Needless to say the load was late and I got in trouble but I was lucky I did not lose my job. He has gotten out of the truck a couple of times since and taken off walking. This last time he got out I went in and called my dispatcher and talked to her for a while and told her I was going to go ahead and leave. I told her when I got back to the truck if he was not there then there was nothing I could do. I got back to the truck and he was not there. I left and when I got to the truck stop exit and was sitting at the stop sign waiting to turn he came up and hit my door. I let him back in the truck and we went on our way. He also plays a lot of head games. I hate head games with a passion. If I don't do what he tells me to do when he tells me to do it all hell breaks loose. No he is not on any meds. He has them but they are at the house and he refuses to take them. He also has not been to the doctor in a very long time. We have not been back to the house since May. Yes I have had to give all my pets up. I don't like my job but I have to work. I am starting to wonder if someone with PTSD ever gets better. He is always telling me that I need drama to be happy but that is not true it is the other way around. We met a truck driver one day while we were broke down and had pizza with him and made a friend and all. Well a few days later he turned and showed his true colors and tried to say that my husband was trying to take his girlfriend from him. Yeah the guy turned out to be a real fruit loop. Well he kept text messaging us saying some pretty hateful things and my husband kept back at him and kept reading them to me. I told him I did not want to hear it and please just turn the phone off or just ignore the weirdo. No he just could not leave it alone they kept going back and forth and he kept reading the messages to me. I hate stress and strife. I don't need it. This job is already stressful enough and when a truck driver is stressed out like that it then can become very dangerous. I wish I could give you others some hope and I sure do hope things are getting better for you but me and mine it's not getting any better just getting worse.
I came off the road in Feb. as a Truck Driver. We have to get back into the VA for help. My husbands PTSD just seems to get worse and worse. I really don't see what anyone can do to help him. I hear so many stories about this and I really wish I could help. All I can do is be here for the ones who need to talk or vent. I really feel for everyone that has to live with this. I feel for our men and women who served for our country and now have to deal with this. It must be a really, really scary thing to have. You know its not just our soldiers that suffer from this. Any traumatic experience can cause PTSD. A car accident, beating, war, etc. My husband sleeps a lot now. If I don't get him up he will stay in bed. He shuts down on me a lot more now too. Your letters touch me and I really do want to keep in contact. It helps to have someone to talk to that knows what you are going through. I guess right now until they find something that helps we can be here for each other. Just don't give up. Keep fighting this. I tell myself all the time when my husband is hateful to me or snaps at me it is just the illness talking and not him.