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Living With the One You Love Who Suffers With Ptsd

I will start off by saying it is not easy living with someone who is suffering from PTSD.  I am an easy going, happy, love life and people but dealing with this daily takes it's toll.  I love my husband with all my heart.  I have to walk around him on egg shells because I don't know when the next time is he is going to blow up.  His mood swings go from being happy one minute to being down the next and angry the next.  I never know what to expect.  I am a very positive person and he is always so negative.  He has asked me several times why I am still with him.  Well I am still with him because deep down I know he can't help this because he is not well.  I truly do love him with all my heart.  On December 18, 2004 his unit came under attack in Iraq.  It was not the attack that caused the PTSD as much as it was seeing his friends wounded and hurt.  He won't talk to me about anything that happened to him over in Iraq and I know if you keep stuff inside it will eat away at you.  I know I am just rambling here but I need to find people who are going through the same things with maybe some ways to help.  I was driving an 18 wheeler and had to come off the road to take care of him because sometimes he shuts down on me and he won't get out of the bed for anything but to go to the rest room.  We go to the VA hospital about four times a month for his appointments and their answer is to keep shoving more drugs at him (which he does not take).  He seems to be getting angrier and angrier.  I am now leaving my local job and going back to driving a truck because no one will really hire him and money has to come in somewhere other than a little part-time minimum wage job.  I don't like the idea of going back on the road but what choice do I have.  I was working two jobs and running myself down.  I am always tired and sick.  I have lost my appetite and I am starting to lose a lot of weight.   When he lashes out at me he says some pretty cold things.  Every time he blows up at me I end up the one crying and hurt and he runs to his mother.  She hates my guts because of the lies he tells her about me.  I don't know what else I can say here.  If anyone can help or has any ideas please tell me.  Leaving him is not an answer.  I married him for better or worse through sickness and in health.  We will be married 11 years the 20th of this month.  We have been with each other for 14 years.  He is a very good person, he would give you the shirt off his back unless you do him wrong.  We don't have any friends to hang out with because he won't go around people hardly.  It is hard to even get him to go shopping with me.  We will get in the store and he will tell me he has to go sit outside because he can't handle it.  When he got out of the Army he bought a farm in the middle of no where in Arkansas just to be away from people.  I love it here but I am such a people person I miss being around people.  That is the biggest reason I don't want to drive a truck because it is so lonely.  Well I guess I have said enough for now.  Thank you for your time. 

Hello everyone.  I know I have not been here in a while but I started driving a semi again and I was now just able to get Internet service for my laptop.  My house is boarded up and the electricity is shut off and my husband is on the truck with me.  No things have not gotten any better.  They have gotten a little worse.  He has his days where he is real sweet and will get out and help me with things on the truck and such but then there are days where I can't even get him out of the bunk and up front with me for company.  He has been a big help on the truck and it is nice having him with me.  If I leave him at the house he won't take care of things or his self so it is just less expensive and easier to have him on the truck with me.  He has gotten so mad at me that he has gotten his clothes and got out of the truck and left.  One night I was under a load that had to be delivered the next day.  I had stopped that night in Jackson, Mississippi to take my ten hour break.  See truck drivers can only work 14 hours a day, drive 11 hours within that 14 hours and then have to take a 10 hour break.  It all has to be logged.  Well he blew up and got his stuff and left.  Yes I was worried.  He was going to try and walk all the way back home to Arkansas.  He took off walking down the highway.  Well the police stopped him about ten miles away and told him he could not be out walking down the highway.  They made him go to a gas station.  He called his mother and she called me wanting to know what was going on and accusing me.  Then his brother called me.  Now when I am on my ten hour break I cannot move this truck.  I can get in a lot of trouble and even lose my job.  His mother is a truck driver too and she knows this but she did not care she told me you better get off your *** and go get my son.  From 5PM until 3AM I dealt with the phone calls and such from his mother and brother.  I called my company and told them what was going on and they told me to keep them posted.  I called a cab and asked them how much it would be to get my husband and bring him back to the truck.  It cost me 60 dollars and then they still did not go pick him up so I called the local police and they called the cab company to tell them that they were there with my husband and that it was a legit call.  Then I called my company and borrowed the money from them to pay for the cab.  Needless to say the load was late and I got in trouble but I was lucky I did not lose my job.  He has gotten out of the truck a couple of times since and taken off walking.  This last time he got out I went in and called my dispatcher and talked to her for a while and told her I was going to go ahead and leave.  I told her when I got back to the truck if he was not there then there was nothing I could do.  I got back to the truck and he was not there.  I left and when I got to the truck stop exit and was sitting at the stop sign waiting to turn he came up and hit my door.  I let him back in the truck and we went on our way.  He also plays a lot of head games.  I hate head games with a passion.  If I don't do what he tells me to do when he tells me to do it all hell breaks loose.  No he is not on any meds.  He has them but they are at the house and he refuses to take them.  He also has not been to the doctor in a very long time.  We have not been back to the house since May.  Yes I have had to give all my pets up.  I don't like my job but I have to work.  I am starting to wonder if someone with PTSD ever gets better.  He is always telling me that I need drama to be happy but that is not true it is the other way around.  We met a truck driver one day while we were broke down and had pizza with him and made a friend and all.  Well a few days later he turned and showed his true colors and tried to say that my husband was trying to take his girlfriend from him.  Yeah the guy turned out to be a real fruit loop.  Well he kept text messaging us saying some pretty hateful things and my husband kept back at him and kept reading them to me.  I told him I did not want to hear it and please just turn the phone off or just ignore the weirdo.  No he just could not leave it alone they kept going back and forth and he kept reading the messages to me.  I hate stress and strife.  I don't need it.  This job is already stressful enough and when a truck driver is stressed out like that it then can become very dangerous.  I wish I could give you others some hope and I sure do hope things are getting better for you but me and mine it's not getting any better just getting worse.

I came off the road in Feb. as a Truck Driver. We have to get back into the VA for help. My husbands PTSD just seems to get worse and worse. I really don't see what anyone can do to help him. I hear so many stories about this and I really wish I could help. All I can do is be here for the ones who need to talk or vent. I really feel for everyone that has to live with this. I feel for our men and women who served for our country and now have to deal with this. It must be a really, really scary thing to have. You know its not just our soldiers that suffer from this. Any traumatic experience can cause PTSD. A car accident, beating, war, etc.  My husband sleeps a lot now. If I don't get him up he will stay in bed. He shuts down on me a lot more now too. Your letters touch me and I really do want to keep in contact. It helps to have someone to talk to that knows what you are going through. I guess right now until they find something that helps we can be here for each other. Just don't give up. Keep fighting this. I tell myself all the time when my husband is hateful to me or snaps at me it is just the illness talking and not him. 

rondat rondat 41-45, F 70 Responses Dec 7, 2007

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My wife has PTSD, her daughter was murdered from her ex boyfriend down in Houston Texas. There's always mood swings, anger, "happy", sad, etc. I try my hardest to help her but she won't talk to me and she also won't take meds because she says they don't work, but I have seen for myself they do help. It gets very stressful at times, she ticks over just about everything I say, I have to walk on egg shells with her everyday, especially around jun the time around when the incident happened. We have been married for 4 years now and have been together for 5 years. I try my best to show her support but most of the time she treats me like I'm the bad guy and everything is my fault. I can't imagine what it would be like if we lost our daughter so I can't say I know what she's going through, but I don't know what to do anymore, it feels like she's a thousand miles away when we are in the same room. I myself am also a truck driver, it gets lonely out here on the road and she won't hardly ever call me, and when I call her it just gets turned around into a argument. I love her very much, I just don't know what to do here.

My husband also has PTSD and refuses to be medicated again. He was at one point on 22 pills a day. He says that I'll the one that can get him through but it is getting harder and harder. I feel like he's trying to make me lose my mind so he won't be alone. He says I have to talk to him and tell him how I'm feeling but when I do, it's ww3. Like that's all he really wanted was to fight. I work and pay all the bills, we never go anywhere either. He will make plans with me and the kids and then when we're waiting at the door to leave he always says nope I just can't do it. I sometimes get so angry and full of resentment towards him, cause he gets what he wants and I never get even one little victory, but then I feel bag cause its not his fault. He didn't ask for this. But neither did my kids and I, we're stuck with the memories of what he was, and the nightmares of what he's like when he blacked out

My boyfriend also suffers from PTSD and TBI due to a car accident.
He was on prescribed pills for a long, and they did more harm than good for him. He's been on medical cannabis now for about 5yrs and its doing wonders for him and has had a better life since. I cannot say he doesn't have bad days but he feels much more "normal" like he did pre-accident.
Something to talk to your Dr
about...

I have ptsd I can relate to your husband's symptoms and im so sorry for what you endure. Your a good woman standing by his side. He needs to continue therapy and support groups and that would not be a bad idea for yourself. God bless you and your family. Hang tight

Wow.this so sounds like my life. Other than I'm not a truck driver and I also care for my parents.and my father is a vet also. I feel so alone.I lost my husband years ago to this disease..

I applaud you on telling your story. I wanted to share mine as I am actually a husband with a wife diagnosed with PTSD (very toxic family situation combined with abuse when she was young). We've been together for 13 years, married for almost 5 (I hope we make it to 5), with a young child at home.<br />
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The problem with my how this has impacted my wife is that it seems like I am talking to two different people sometimes. I watch our daughter while working from home full-time and my wife leaves the house M-F for her job, so I'm basically left with most of the responsibilities as well as child care for a bulk of the day. When I ask for things to be more fair she explodes and asks about her needs. I'll admit, we're not nearly as intimate as we used to be and it is mainly because I am so stressed from taking care of our child and my own job that at the end of the day I don't have it in me to seduce anyone, most nights I stay up past midnight just to finish my day of work so I'll be ready for the next day. So I average 4-5 hours of sleep a night, she gets 8-9, I work more hours weekly, and I take care of our little one most of the time... and when I say this is killing me, that I need more sleep, that I need more help, it always comes back on me not doing this or not being intimate enough or not planning date nights...<br />
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I feel like many of you here, I love my wife with all my heart and when she is having a 'good' period I can see it from her, I can see it all the time when she is with our little one, but if she gets triggered I have to do everything in my power (even agreeing when she says stuff which isn't true, makes up a version in her head of what I'm doing despite me telling her otherwise and then reacts to me as if her version is true, etc.) to diffuse the situation, otherwise I know it's going to turn into a hatefest with me as the target and anything wrong I've done over the last 13 years being used as evidence. But what is worse, and I don't know if people can identify with this.. maybe I'll just give the example. Back over a year ago we had some fights (similar, I'm working, we have the baby, but she is complaining she doesn't get enough free time despite me staying up until all hours just to finish my daily work for my job), and part of that fight was her saying she was going to leave and do things on her own, so since it was so damn absurd (she wants more time for hobbies, I'm begging for time so I can do the job which is paying for everything) I wouldn't support her whatsoever. So in the argument this weekend she brings that up but won't acknowledge the context or the fact that my statement was along the lines of "If you're saying that I can't get more help with the only job bringing money into the house but you'll leave to get more time for your hobbies, no, I won't support you at all because that is rediculous." The only part that survives at all is "I won't support you at all" and that is all she will acknowledge of the entire situation. Very similar situations happen all the time where a few words I said get picked out and used as ammo while she ignores the entire context of the argument, usually stemming from her doing something unreasonable and me putting my foot down rather than walk on eggshells around it.<br />
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This is not easy to deal with, I wouldn't wish this type of thing on my worst enemy. I love my wife, I love my family, but I'm realistically looking at walking away from it all because my life has become work and take care of our kid and then get talked down to because I'm too tired at the end of the day, but with zero offer of help from the person getting 2x more sleep than I do on the average night. It's toxic and killing our relationship and sometimes I wonder if her disorder is stronger than our marriage. She isn't even wearing her wedding ring right now-- edit, it's back on, looks like this episode is over as we got to talk over things to some extent. Bit by bit, ya know?

I'm story to hear about your husband. Mine was diagnosed PTSD 2 years ago
As well as a recovering heorin addict. We have a 3 year old son. He works alot,
so most days it is me and my son at home. Since I got laid off in March. When I was working he constantly accussed me of sleeping with men at work. Now it is compaining that I'm home allday texting or calling or on Facebook.

Rondat, we were in the same position about 2 years before my husband's 20th year in the Army. Things were so bad at home, it was on the edge of breaking us apart. We sought help from mental health on post but they are so overburdened, so overextended that there was no room for us but 1/2 hour a day every 2 weeks. As we all know, our spouses can't open up to anyone, have a hard time dealing with talking to anyone about this so it takes longer than a half hour each time to open up. Just as my husband began to trust in this guy, the army transferred him and wanted him to start over with someone new. Through a friend, we found out about SAFE.org and owe my husband's life to them. At no cost to us, we have seen a counselor that was matched to us based on the interview they gave us as a couple. Our counselor has turned our life around by driving to the heart of the problem and all with out meds. I know every case is different and maybe some needs meds but it seems the mental health on post is on a beeline for that treatment only. Our counselor at SAFE.org dealt with the problem that caused his issues which became our issues. No one understands what this is like unless they are going through it or have gone through it, not even people that are in the military and think they get it.
Please contact SAFE.org and ask for help in your area. They will direct you to the closest help for you they can find. It's a one day at a time, deal with it every day issue and there are some days that are two steps forward or two steps back but eventually you start to walk. God bless you and don't let life go.

My husband is active Army and returned from his fifth combat deployment with severe PTSD. At first, I mistook it for reintegration quirks like he had the four previous times. But it quickly escalated into really total insanity. Drinking two bottles of rum a week plus 12 pack of beer every night to sleep. ****, ****, more ****. Even downloading it on his cell phone at work in the parking lot to relieve stress. Rage. Any little thing turned him into a 6'2 four year old. Punching walls, slamming on brakes yards yadda. When he got orders for his sixth deployment in eleven years he lost it locked himself in his truck with a loaded hand gun and threatened to kill himself for hours. I was terrified to call 911 because he said if they showed up, he'd shoot.
Fast forward past absolutely no help from his command I finally got my husband into counseling and on meds. Slowly, the man I married 18 years ago is coming back, but I am coming to the realization he will likely never be whole.
Luckily, like you, I work. I doubt he will be able to hold down a job in the future. His memory is atrocious, and he is so easily frustrated even Garrison life is too much for him. He is so close to retirement they won't med board him so we are on our own.
Like you, I worry about leaving him alone while I work. I have to make him bathe, get his hair cut etc. The house can be full of food he would starve to death unless I cook it.
It takes a huge toll on you emotionally. Try to practice extreme self care. Whatever works for you. Get a massage, get your hair done, go for a walk. I know they can be very obsessive about us and our time, but you have to keep yourself whole.

God bless you for staying and caring. If you feel it in your heart add me to your circle. I am a vet also and have PTSD and experienced a TBI would love to chat.

My husband has PTSD from a trauma suffered during childhood. We have been together for 13 years and have a two year old son. I had tried to cope with his PTSD our entire relationship but now my son is being exposed to his behavior and I just don't think I can continue. He is in therapy (just started 9 months ago) and trying to get help but I dont see it. He abused pot and booze but cant use that crutch now we have a child. I am so lonely and depressed myself. I feel like we are just going to hurt our son in the long run if this situation doesn't change. This is why I am here. Looking to find others who are in a similar situation. Our husbands are good men, they love us but PTSD makes them act this way. Thats why it is hard to give up, he needs me and if I left I cannot imagine what he would do or how he would cope. That is a lot of pressure for anyone to take. I am a caregiver to my son AND my husband. I have no one to support me or my issues. I cant have a bad day or be mad or just lay in bed. I have to be strong. I long for my husband to care for me, to reach out and support me. I am so close to leaving I just want to enjoy some of my life. My life is all work, the only joy I have is my son. He is my whole universe and I want his daddy better for him. He deserves a dad that wants to go out and play and take him places and be there for him.

i My husband has unspecified (real trauma at a young age, but not war related )PTSD and the volatility is the same. I think sometimes I have been called to be here for him, to be the one who doesn't give up on him. I've been told that I need to give up, so that my own life can be fulfilled.

I feel the same.. I am here to be his support. He needs me.. he doesn't show it all the time. && sometimes he makes it hard but I can't give up on him..for better or worse right? Right.

A year ago I met a wonderful man, an army veteran with PTSD. He drives a flat bed over the road. At first things were fantastic the support he gave me as I was going through a rough patch in life and the loving text messages while he was on the road. I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him. Lately things have changed. His work has slowed down due to the winter months, he is not bringing home the money he is used to, I work 7 days a week. He is also facing some health issues and some legal ones too.
I don't know what to do, I have seen the loving and kind side of his heart and soul; but know all I see and hear is his anger and frustration. I know in my head it's not personal, but it hurts to have him lash out verbally at me when all I have ever done is love and support him...
Any suggestions?

This previous story is so true, in fact I go through alot of similar things myself with my husband. He developed ptsd about 6 years ago after getting into a bar fight. The bar maid was being harassed by some guys and my husband and the owner of the bar were trying to defend her, and the one guy who was harassing the barmaid almost hit her, and I guess things got really tough after that due to the fact more guys came back and beat up the owner and my husband. Alot of times I despise going into any store with my husband because we can be having a good day and then he'll get mad over something I said and he'll accuse me of always starting a fight with him. The way he talks to people is unheard of, and last night he was on the phone with his boss and our little girl was getting whiny because she hadn't seen her daddy all day because he was at a football game, and he started yelling at her because she kept following him in the house and he wouldn't give her the time of day. I simply told him that she just wanted to spend some time with him, but he always says I make up excuses for everything.

I say these things to him because alot of times we'll talk about certain subjects and he doesn't want to talk about somethings and then he blocks me out and then shuts down and that's it. We've been together for 4 years and married almost 3, and I feel like I babysit him half the time. Ever since I met him he's never had a secure job, and it always seems like he works for people but it's short lived. I was working full time until 2011 when I lost my job and then I've been at home taking care of the family. He's so forgetful and he can't retain anything I ask of him to do around the house. I get really upset for how he is, but then that's when I pray alot for my family and ask God to steer me in the direction that he wants me to be in. I moved an hour away from my hometown in 2009 and it seems like over the years things have gotten worse with his ptsd. I love him but don't know what to say to him anymore, and honestly I really don't ask him to go places with me very much because it turns out to be a disaster. I love our kids, but I get frustrated when he's always trying to start an argument. Sometimes I wonder if we'll even be together when our kids get older, but I guess God knows what's best for us.

Maybe if he could read the post or letters from others with PTSD and talk with them? That might help. Or maybe you could possibly find some of the men he was stationed with and reunite them?

We got into a fight today over, of all things, chocolate chip cookies. I told him I would make some, but I was busy right at that moment. I was in a foul mood... He hounded me until I snapped at him, which is something I really try to avoid. He started with the profane name calling and then threw a butcher knife at me. Luckily he missed me, hitting the metal back door, and actually bending the knife blade. He then got right in my face telling me how I did this by setting off his PTSD. I took his house keys, and told him to leave. He packed up and moved out. I told him he can come back after he gets help and goes back on his meds. Ever since he stopped his medication the incidents are getting worse and more frequent. The worst part... He did all of this in front of his 7 year old. *sighs* I just want to have a normal moment...

I feel you; He also blames me for everything even the weight he has gained. I try to cross examine and well show him by conversing, is that so? so is not because you shove food or he now started to smoke this synthetic weed? I feel you and all of us I love the good side to him but when they are set off, which they blames us on, they go over board...

sometimes its the spouces dishonesty that creates a part of the PTSD.Not JUST one combat deployment too many!!! there are more than one side to the story.

I am always wrong. They way I do everything is wrong. I park the car wrong, so I have to re-park it properly. I don't pack things right, so he makes me repack it. I don't fold right, so I have to get a lesson from him. I don't know how to cook that, so he has to teach me how to do "something so simple". I don't know how to wash this, so he throws things away and makes me buy new things to teach me the value of listening to him. He even told me I wash my hair wrong... We canned peaches from his old peach tree last night. He was screaming 2 inches from my ear and punches the refrigerator, making his knuckles bleed...Why? Because I was telling him he needs to listen to me and read the directions. This morning...The tape labels on the jars I made aren't uniform, and my handwriting is deplorable. *Sighs* just another day in paradise.

Hi. My husband was an Army Ranger. He's always had PTSD... I mean since the war. Drinks a case of beer a day, never sleeps, is NEVER wrong. Sometimes I feel like he runs around doing everything just so that he can say that he does everything. I've watched all of the war movies and listened to the stories over, and over again. When we first met he'd been out of the Army for a few years, but then things started to change. At first he was very attentive, very kind and really swept me off my feet. We got married, bought a house and he took a job doing private security contracting in Iraq. He'd get to come home a few times a year but he seemed happy. Since he quit that job, which he blames me for, he's been a nightmare. It's so bad I don't even know who I am anymore... almost like he's destroying my identity. He told me the other day that he hates his life. He's said a million times "I used to be somebody, you know?" I try to convence him he is someone, but it doesn't work. He's driving himself crazy and he's killing me. All that from a man you love more than life.

My husband and I recently married about two months ago but we've been together for five years. I met him after he returned from Iraq with injuries so I have only known him this way. He suffers from PTSD among other things. I'm usually a very happy go lucky, friendly, outgoing person but these past five years, I feel like my spirit has died. My husband goes from extremely sweet to extremely cruel in seconds. Anything triggers him and there is no talking to him when he is like that. It's so hard for me to believe that he is even the same person from one minute to the next. There are no boundaries. He says very hurtful things and I have never cried so much in my entire life. I feel hopeless and tired. I stay with him by justifying that he is ill and it's not his fault but I just don't know how long I can take this. I love him, more than I've ever loved anyone but I'm exhausted. I want to be happy. I want to have friends again and I don't want my family to think I'm crazy for being with him. My mom says I deserve better and I know I do but I can't make myself leave him. I feel like he needs me even though when he gets in those moods, he says leave if I don't like it and that he could walk out on me like it was nothing. He can't even be around my three boys without getting angry from their noise and normal childish play. I feel so lost and lonely. This comments all sound too familiar. :(

Today is June 28th. He didn’t remember that… Not just the day…but the month… or the year.<br />
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They opened the firework stands. He went up to put away some things, and didn’t come back down. I know he was tired, so I didn’t think anything of it. A few hours later I put my daughter to bed, and came into the bedroom. It was pitch black, but I could faintly see the figure by the only window in the room. Very still. Dressed in a combat vest… pistol in a chest holster, shotgun in his hands. Finger not on the trigger but at the ready… alert, anxious… caged. I walked over, talking loudly so as not to startle him, but I had to raise my voice to just under a yell. With that he looked a me and nothing in his eyes recognized me. I stepped back to make him comfortable, and myself as well. I stood several feet away singing quiet, familiar songs. After 3, he finally had a glimmer of recognition for my face. I came closer. Always soft and calm, but direct, using his name often. “Do you know where we are?” a slow nod seen from the shadow. “We’re home. Do you know what time of year it is?” silence from the shadows except for the brush of his hand over the gun metal. “They just opened the fireworks stands… the 4th of July is almost here…the boys down the street are playing with their firecrackers.” The whites of his eyes flash briefly in the moonlight now peaking into the window. “Do you know what’s outside that window?” A shake of his head is barely noticeable, a faint no. “The cottonwood tree we hate… and the neighbor’s dog, Daisy. And probably that old cat from across the street.” My eyes have adjusted to the dark, and now I see the ammo clips, the flack vest, and the eyes of a man oceans away still. “The gun is really looking good…you’re taking such good care of it.” *A soldier is only as good as his weapon* he says, his eyes dropping a moment to the shotgun in his grip. “Then you mist be an amazing man,” I said gently “It’s in amazing shape.” He nodded, slightly more obviously this time. “Are you thirsty? Do you need anything?” *Reinforcements.* and his eyes dart back out to the darkness. “I’ve secured the house, and I have your back. It will be ok.” I cross to the door “I’m turning on the light now…” Now I see him, eyes sunken and dark, alert, and anxious. I cross the room “May I touch you?” He thinks a minute… then nods his assent slowly; I lay my hand on him. We sit in silence, my hand on his arm. Slowly…after many minutes pass he looks down. *I can’t remember the day… or the month. The lady at the VA looked at me strange for it.* I nodded and told him. “It’s ok if they don’t understand. I do.” He started to lean on me slightly. I turned on Loreena Mckennitt. As the hours passed his gun was put away… the shoes came off. Finally he slept, pistol strapped to his chest, hand on the grip like a child with a blanket after a storm.<br />
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He can't change what he is, what this life made him... and I won't love him less for it.

Hi<br />
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Youre storry hits home with me. My dad is Vietnam vetran and has ptsd. He had it before september 11th attacks but it got worse after. I know how you feel and it is fustratin. <br />
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They have my dad on so many meds and when he takes them for a while he will be ok then after a while they dont work as good so he trys to adjust them himself or quits taking them all together.<br />
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The mood swings are the worse and even worse when my brother who is a bipolar addict acts up.<br />
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I dont even undetstand PTSD let alone try to explin to others why they act the way they act.<br />
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I have heard of a book callee"the ptsf cure". Have not read yet but heard it is good book. Heck i will take any help we can get.

I really think my boyfriend has PTSD, I'm am reading your stories and so many of them fit to a T. He can be totally fine one second and then he has certain triggers that I have to try and remember that make him snap. I love him so much but it can be hard work right now. I see him driving himself mad going through different senarios in his head and he has crazy dreams that make him wake up really anxious and so he ends up waking me up so it makes that hard too. Some really bad stuff happened in his childhood and im really sure that this is what it is. I hate having to walk on eggshells with him sometimes and I know he hates being like that too. I just dont really know how to help him anymore. I have got really good at working out how is mind is going to work and how to talk to him to calm him down but it is just pretty exahusting at times and feels like a full time job. I really just want to know if there is anything that I can do to make things a bit better because I love him.

I have been married to a Disabled Vietnam Veteran for 25 years, who also suffers from PTSD. I wish I could tell you all that it gets better, but that would not be the truth. It becomes manageable. Through the years, we have had our ups and downs, as he is also Jekyll and Hyde. I too, am a very upbeat person. The years have taken quite a toll on me also. They will always fill them full of Meds, enough to make them a zombie. My husband does not take all the Meds, but he drinks and that is a deadly combination. I think through the years I have learned how to let him have his bad days, ignoring all the insults and derogatory remarks. In other words, he goes his way and I go mine. He too is a very kind man. He is very unselfish, on good days, and would also give you the shirt off his back. He lets me have anything I want, as far as material things go. I guess it's his way of saying thank you for putting up with me. I love him dearly as do the rest of you. I wish I could give you some positive advice. Anytime you have a chance to go out with friends or loved ones, please go. Find something that helps you relax, whether it be reading, walking or just watching a good movie. You are very important! On good days, you are his reason for living. Please try to find a healthy balance! The best of luck to you all, I know how difficult this is ...

as some on with ptsd .... i honestly dont think there is a up side .. the pain and anger is overwelming ... the pain of ppl dieing due to you now seeing what was gonna happen .... the only thing in the world that even makes my smile is my kids ..... seing them happy and hearing them laugh makes the world better for that time .... but i cant stand to be around my wife anylonger i dont know what to do ... i quit all drungs when i was a teenager but when i got back i just wanted to feel better ... i drink now to feel better also but things as simple as a song or a though tears me up ... i dont deal with sadness very well ... it just turn to anger and i cant stop it ... i just though knowing how we feel may help somewhat ... sry to highjack your forum

Mine is like so many here... He has PTSD. He is 80% disabled with it, combined with major depression. He had a violent few years before we met, and was a very heavy drinker. He would overdo the pills they gave him and if I felt afraid, and snuck away after he passed out he would freak out on me flood my phone with calls of how disrespectful I was and demand I come back...which I would. Once, he was so angry, I was afraid he might kill me. I actually wrote a message to my family and the police and left it on my computer in case I didn't come back. He got much better after this last round of medication, and we moved in together. Since that time, he won't let me have friends. he's paranoid of everyone that comes over, even the Schwan man. He says he doesn't like the way he looks at me. I had to get a ride home from a coworker and he was demanding I take a cab. I thought it was silly to spend $50 when someone offered to do it for free, so I took the ride, and he accuses me of wanting to have sex with the man, and spitting on his feelings by taking that ride. We can't go too many places because he doesn't like crowds. I work a corporate job, and I can pull long hours sometimes. If I'm working late it upsets him, and he will get short with me over that. Every morning he begs me not to go to work, but my car broke down tonight, and he was all over me to get on it so I can get to work tomorrow. I was trying to call the tow truck and he wouldn't stop lecturing me. I finally had to hang up on him so I could make the call, and he screamed at me when I got home. I asked the neighbors if I could borrow some tools to fix my car, and he freaked out over that saying I was showing weakness, and that's unacceptable. He made me go upstairs because the site of my face makes him so angry he wants to break sh*t. He wouldn't stop screaming at me. He says really mean things when he's in these moods. He had to stop drinking a few months ago because his liver is starting to fail, but he also went off all of his meds at the same time, and I can't get him to go back on them. He's been crazy without them. He is always criticizing me, telling me to do things another way...nothing is ever right. I pulled the car in the driveway last week and he told me to pull back out and back in. I told him I didn't want to. He said I need to keep it combat ready. I told him we aren't at war, he shouts in my face "WE ARE IN A WAR EVERY DAY!" I have no friends...My family thinks I'm crazy for staying with him, and they are concerned for me. He's never hurt me physically, but he's had moments I was afraid of. I don't have friends, and he is jealous of everyone I talk to. He is not like this all the time, but enough that I know my anxiety issues are partly because of this. Before he quit drinking, he'd have a bad day, and drink everything in the house. Then he'd call old war buddies and talk till he passed out. Once, during a drunken call, he went to bed. I went in to find him passed out with the phone, so I covered him up and took the phone, told his friend he was sleeping. At that point he wakes up, accuses me of putting him to bed so I can talk to other guys and demands to know who I'm talking to. He refused to believe he made the call himself. I feel like I'm loosing my mind sometimes. He threatens to leave and it's all I can do to keep from saying, good luck and helping him pack. I don't want him to go, he is a good man...but these mood swings are making me an absolute wreck. I'm not really asking for anything from anyone...but I can't talk to anyone about this, and thanks to him, I don't have any friends anymore. They few I had don't talk to me because of him. They are afraid that talking to me will cause me more problems. I know he's sick...but I wish he'd go back on his medicine. 2 1/2 years of this and I'm shell shocked on nights like tonight. At least he's not drinking anymore. *sighs*

my husband has ptsd from his Afghanistan trips two years ago exactly. he got his discharge through months ago and has gone completely downhill. we have been married for a year and together for 2 . I love him with all my heart. he is my soul mate. <br />
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lately he has been really bad and i think it sort of corresponds with him getting his discharge through. he keeps saying how he regrets discharging everyday and now suddenly he has been really distancing himself again. so much so that he went far enough to tell me last night that he doesn't love me anymore. the problem is he doesn't feel many emotions anymore. i'm at my wits end with him. i have thought about calling his mum or his sister and telling them how bad he has actually been because he doesn't tell them but i don't know how that could help. maybe they could talk to him. <br />
<br />
this isnt the first time he has been like this and last time he was put on pills that lasted about 4-5 months til they stopped working. they were wonderful months. we barely fought we were just like newly weds should be. now we're back to square one again.<br />
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I am going to go with him to his psych appointment on friday to better understand whats going on

I know how you feel. I recently just reconnected with a good friend of mine and he too is sufferring from PTSD. It's very hard because one moment he tells me he loves me very much, then he tells me he likes me. Then there are times where I would not hear from him then if I don't text him or call him, he would tell me that I don't care anymore. He travels and I wouldn't hear from him then he would pop out of nowhere. I cut him off so many times but my heart tells me to deal with him. And we are still pretty much talking and stuff but the changes and all that is really taking a toll on me. I have no clue, today we just had an argument and it started off as I was really getting confused with him. His memory has seemed to just gotten worse and I am really worried...I want to let him go but I really care about him so much. Any advice?

I'm sorry but I really don't have any advice. It is not an easy thing to put up with at all. Seems like my husband just gets worse and worse. I wish I could give you some light at the end of a tunnel but I don't see any. I can be here for you if you need to talk.

I hate that I put up with it but my love for my bf is so much more and I am so so so glad I am not alone. It started to drive me crazy so I finally looked it up and brought me here. I can relate to almost everyone here and I have no one to talk to..I keep my relationship buisness to myself when it comes to family but sometimes when i wanted someone to talk to i went to couple friends and they just dont understand they dont know how i put up with things and that im better off...but no matter how much pain i feel at times in all honesty i believe id be miserable if i left the one i love because he suffers from this and no matter how much he says hurtful things and that he doesnt need me I know hed be a wreck without me and i cant say how much i will take but i cant imagine leaving knowing he needs me there. I dont want to be his aid but I have some faith and I pray and I hope that he gets better because if its worth it i want to be there when he does get better. Hes a good man hes never done me wrong hes responsible and when its good words cant describe. Out of all my relationships like the ones that didnt last because they did me wrong well this one has been the most serious and hardest relationship iv been in and it drives me crazy because I love this man more than he knows. anyways reading everyones experience makes me feel stronger than i thought.

I know what each and every one of you are going through.. It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel but it's there. I've talked to several of my husbands squad mates.. The anger and such will dissipate but never go away completely. Every day it seems my husband looses a little bit of the sparkle he once had. I lose a little piece of him to the war every day.. we dont even sleep in the same room anymore. But patience is the key. no matter the hateful things spoken, the bad dreams, and screaming, the distance, there is always hope for the same person to rise up and finally say im not going to let ptsd stop me from living. Its hard to see the one you love struggle so much day and night. But the only thing you can do is be there when they are ready to fight.. Do research on their medicine. Find people going through the same thing to talk to. Do absolutely whatever it takes. I get divorce thrown in my face atleast once a day but I know it isn't my husband really saying it.. He told me the other night he wasn't sure if he was in love with me anymore. But all i can do is live day to day knowing that maybe one day I will have him back.. His ptsd was not a gradual thing. it slammed us in the face one day and has been going downhill since. But there is always hope...

I just wanted to let you all know that living with someone with PTSD is not easy. I am married to one myself. However, the best advice I can give you all is to be there for support. It has been my experience that someone who is suffering for PTSD is that many people turn thier backs on them(especially our goverment at time. However, I know that many of you probably to not have the time to do research on the subject of PTSD but my suggestion would be to learn about the disorder. In my relationship there are days that are good and days that are not. However, all I can say is be there for support. It works wonders alot. I am a psychology major. My hope is to eventually work with veterans and thier families on how to cope with this disorder but for now the biggest thing anyone can do is be there for them.

I can relate to all of this :( I HATE PTSD!

I am married to an Iraq war Army Infantry veteran. My husband is over 100% dissabled with PTSD and TBI (traumatic brain injury) of corse you cant get compensation for over 100% so... whatever. My husband sees a counselor and goes to group meetings. He preferes the solo meeting with the counselor. He has also just been prescribed a generic brand of methadone for his headaches. I am not too happy about that, but if it helps his headaches then I guess its better. He was also put on an anti anxiety pill, I can't remember the name of it, it's new also. <br />
<br />
We thought the anxiety pills were helping. He says that he feels happy while he takes them and a little silly, but this is the second day of him taking them and he had the first bad flashback in months. He was just simply helping one of his friends bandage his foot up when all of the sudden he said he felt like he was being flashed all sorts of "alternate lives" including some of his war incidents. He wasn't coherent and it was like he was on a completely different planet. He kept asking where he was and where everyone else was. Then he said that he was hearing Jesus but that it wasn't jesus. He said the man looked like Jesus but was very forcefull and asking questions. He kept claiming that it was evil and then wouldn't come in the house because he didn't want to bring it inside. I finally got him inside and in bed and he continued to ask questions about where he was. I put on some soothing music and reasured him that he was home and that he was safe. He kept saying that somehow he was unlocking some sort of information in the cosmos and that he was connected somehow. He just went to bed and I am jsut really worried about him. He has never had a 'flashback' like this. It wasn't even really a flashback. More like halucination. <br />
<br />
He really is a good guy and a good parent when his mood swings arn't getting the better of him. He makes sure everyone feels like they are loved and wanted. But all that kinda goes out the window when he gets upset.<br />
<br />
I find that I have to completely plan my day around him and his mood swings. If it is a bad day, then I have to drop just about everything in order to help him to releve the stress. We have three kids and very often they set off most of his 'outbursts'. Thankfully he is never violent and is able to channel his anger out through target shooting or beating on his punching dummy or simply going for a drive. He used to drink a lot but has quit pretty much all together because it just makes his ptsd worse. <br />
<br />
I have been getting extremely stressed out just from coping with the mood swings. He says hurtful things and then appologises soon after but expects everything to be okay and says that he never means anything that he says when he is in those moods. It makes me so angry that he can just mouth off and then get away with it because he has tbi and ptsd. I usually just give in and appologise but let him know how it made me feel. I mean, there isn't much else I can do. I could keep being angry with him, but that just makes things worse. <br />
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It is hard to say things around him, even when I am not joking around. He just doesn't seem to understand what I say. I am using perfect grammer and speaking clear english, but he interprets it in a way that always makes it sound like I am out to get him. Everything anyone says is always turned around and taken in as something bad, something they didn't even say. One of the hardest things for me is all the negativity. I have never met such a negative person in my life. I think throughout the whole day he says maybe 10 positive things. Everything else is negative. I am a happy and go lucky person and an optimist but it is getting harder for me to be so optimistic the longer that I am around him. <br />
<br />
Going out in public is always a gamble. Somedays he is excelent and brushes off rude comments or gestures but most days, the slightest disrespect (or just misinterpreted disrespect) has him seeing red and he wants to fight whoever said it or shout at them until they want to fight him. It is so embarasing to me and the kids. Generally he does this less around the kids, but it still happens. However sometimes I am amazed with just how well he handles himself. It is almost like being married to two different people.<br />
<br />
If anyone can relate to the recent flash back that I mentioned or give me some kind of advice on how to get him out of those flashbacks, please let me know.

I am married to an Iraq war Army Infantry veteran. My husband is over 100% dissabled with PTSD and TBI (traumatic brain injury) of corse you cant get compensation for over 100% so... whatever. My husband sees a counselor and goes to group meetings. He preferes the solo meeting with the counselor. He has also just been prescribed a generic brand of methadone for his headaches. I am not too happy about that, but if it helps his headaches then I guess its better. He was also put on an anti anxiety pill, I can't remember the name of it, it's new also. <br />
<br />
We thought the anxiety pills were helping. He says that he feels happy while he takes them and a little silly, but this is the second day of him taking them and he had the first bad flashback in months. He was just simply helping one of his friends bandage his foot up when all of the sudden he said he felt like he was being flashed all sorts of "alternate lives" including some of his war incidents. He wasn't coherent and it was like he was on a completely different planet. He kept asking where he was and where everyone else was. Then he said that he was hearing Jesus but that it wasn't jesus. He said the man looked like Jesus but was very forcefull and asking questions. He kept claiming that it was evil and then wouldn't come in the house because he didn't want to bring it inside. I finally got him inside and in bed and he continued to ask questions about where he was. I put on some soothing music and reasured him that he was home and that he was safe. He kept saying that somehow he was unlocking some sort of information in the cosmos and that he was connected somehow. He just went to bed and I am jsut really worried about him. He has never had a 'flashback' like this. It wasn't even really a flashback. More like halucination. <br />
<br />
He really is a good guy and a good parent when his mood swings arn't getting the better of him. He makes sure everyone feels like they are loved and wanted. But all that kinda goes out the window when he gets upset.<br />
<br />
I find that I have to completely plan my day around him and his mood swings. If it is a bad day, then I have to drop just about everything in order to help him to releve the stress. We have three kids and very often they set off most of his 'outbursts'. Thankfully he is never violent and is able to channel his anger out through target shooting or beating on his punching dummy or simply going for a drive. He used to drink a lot but has quit pretty much all together because it just makes his ptsd worse. <br />
<br />
I have been getting extremely stressed out just from coping with the mood swings. He says hurtful things and then appologises soon after but expects everything to be okay and says that he never means anything that he says when he is in those moods. It makes me so angry that he can just mouth off and then get away with it because he has tbi and ptsd. I usually just give in and appologise but let him know how it made me feel. I mean, there isn't much else I can do. I could keep being angry with him, but that just makes things worse. <br />
<br />
It is hard to say things around him, even when I am not joking around. He just doesn't seem to understand what I say. I am using perfect grammer and speaking clear english, but he interprets it in a way that always makes it sound like I am out to get him. Everything anyone says is always turned around and taken in as something bad, something they didn't even say. One of the hardest things for me is all the negativity. I have never met such a negative person in my life. I think throughout the whole day he says maybe 10 positive things. Everything else is negative. I am a happy and go lucky person and an optimist but it is getting harder for me to be so optimistic the longer that I am around him. <br />
<br />
Going out in public is always a gamble. Somedays he is excelent and brushes off rude comments or gestures but most days, the slightest disrespect (or just misinterpreted disrespect) has him seeing red and he wants to fight whoever said it or shout at them until they want to fight him. It is so embarasing to me and the kids. Generally he does this less around the kids, but it still happens. However sometimes I am amazed with just how well he handles himself. It is almost like being married to two different people.<br />
<br />
If anyone can relate to the recent flash back that I mentioned or give me some kind of advice on how to get him out of those flashbacks, please let me know.

I hope that some of the people who posted here get this message. If you have a loved one who suffers from PTSD Please stop for a moment, take a moment of faith and visit www.posttraumaticdisorder.net You will find a solution at this company that will get your loved ones back to living a normal life.<br />
All the best and God bless

This is an older post but I hope that I can reach some of you who have loved ones that suffer from PTSD. Please, have a moment in faith and visit www.posttraumaticdisorder.net. You will find a solution there that will change your life very quickly. <br />
All the best and god bless.

i am 20 yr old female and have had ptsd since i barely turned 13.. i know that most of u say your partners refuse to take meds. they dont have to take them, im not so well now i have my ups and downs, they can learn to control it if they want to. the last thing they wanna hear is those cold scientific terms. it takes alot but its worth it, for someone that really wants to try. i only learned and was able to control my anxiety when i found out that my uncle years ahead of me had it. the rest of my family didnt really bother to learn listen or understand at all.if u try to learn all u can about it it helps. when ur nice and supportive or encouraging it helps. because we act odd we feel odd. so if u agree its a normal reaction because of ptsd we calm down.<br />
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if the person excercises this can help release alot of the nervous energy/stress. 5 min tho an hr is good enough, you dont have to push yourself. u can start with yoga, stretching does help.<br />
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not consuming anything that contains caffeine helps alot. *(caffeine increases anxiety they get jittery easily even if its not apparent). things that may contain it that u may not realize is chocolate. check everything to make sure it doesnt have caffeine.(some orange sodas have it) i had a hard time getting off of drinking the stuff i started drinking green tea (it contains a low amount of caffeine)adding milk and whipped cream at least to me gives it a slight taste close to coffee, i drank it till it i got sick of it. try to have them stick to natural juices and water. the more natural the better. *lavender tea is very good for tea it only works when its pure lavender it has a slight sweetness to it. if u cant locate any grow your own. 2 tsp will usually calm them down for a tea and they might beable to relax enough to sleep. dont use too much, too much of a good thing can be bad like anything<br />
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change the diet. eating healthy helps everyone. it makes a big impact for ptsd sufferers, eat more veggies and fruit, hydrate urself with water, change sugar and maple syrup for honey if u can its really sweet and natural so u dont use so much and its natural.i like clover honey, feel free to discover wat type u like. dont eat junk food or fast food so much limit the times u go out to eat or grab those things every month. lets say u can have it 2wice a month and u ate 3 times. so next month u can have it once. discipline and patience pays.<br />
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if they feel out of sorts try to suggest a schedule they can use it to feel like they have control over thier lives better , were so emotional at times we get jumbled up. self help books and books on ptsd can help us understand our condition. read stuff too. its comforting when someone understands you.<br />
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go out sometimes take time to relax. go check out a nice view.<br />
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meditation can work and be a thing for some people.<br />
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people with ptsd dont always realize we are rude and accusing or defensive. we get triggers and try to protect ourselves, sometimes we react to harshly or odd. some might say ur too sensitive, its only cause ur reaction makes them feel wierd about how they reacted, but if u dont react it might make us think u dont care, thing is just dont take it personally. we dont mean it.we're sorry even if we dont show it. but u should call us on it sometimes, we need to correct ourselves dont be an enabler! love care and understanding does alot. dont expect to see miricles in a day. just like how we got there it takes a while. some of us may need touch therapy. try to identify triggers. maybe slowly u guys can figure out ways to desensitize them. for men i do not advise a woman or wife to help with touch therapy amongst themselves. its better to have it done by a proffesional.u dont know how they will react. there will be relapses. nobody is perfect. sometimes something happens and u loose progress. but its okay its like the unexpected that happens in life.<br />
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before i couldnt be touched by a man on my back a certain way, now it doesnt matter the gender,ive been able to hold it 10 sec no more. if i hold myself i get defensive irritable and angry, even accusing of someone trying to hurt me. if i dont hold myself up cause it was more than i can bear i scream and cry for 2 hrs. saying i wanna kill myself. not true. thats just my reaction. i know people arent trying to hurt me, my body just has that impression. people have different reactions sometimes they dont know or forget. i try to work on it sometimes it gets bad and people need to stay at arms length away from me. i just need to let people know how i am comfortable. i find it better to say or explain than not say anything. hey its better than having someone freak out and not know why. that way u know what not to do to trigger someones tiggers or to be cautious about it, u need to live too.<br />
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because of this ive had fun times where i experienced no anxiety or ptsd symptoms and could even indulge in things like caffeine junkfood and chips. but ive always got to stick to this regimin most of the time to keep myself like that. try to come up with a collection of fun happy songs to chill them out. dance a lil. growing plants painting or doing some hobby they love helps alot too they should take some time during the day for me time to do what they love for an hr or something.<br />
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this might seem strict but its worth it being healthy and free from ptsd once in a while. i didnt belive this stuff would help but it did.if anything the symptoms lessen. meds are temporary. they may help at first to calm them enough till they can care for themselves but can cause them to be lazy. on zoloft i didn t have to care wat i ate or if i excerised, but then i wasnt taking care of myself. and kept needing to get meds all the time. its better without meds. makes u stronger and self reliant not just with ptsd but to keep going with life. hope this helps. <br />
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:) with love to all the people with ptsd and the people who still love us thru n thru.<3 we are normal we are human this is a normal to have issues is normal. but its not normal to not do anything about it so get up. its not too late.u can love u have alot to give, im sure, and u are good enough. you can do this. try this out <br />
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btw those fruit veggie juicers are great for juice. ahaha

Hi i hope you have managed to find a solution by now but if not I want to say two things. I have been through some of your situation regarding a husband with severe combat-PTSD. First, look after yourself and don't let yourself get worn down - if this means leaving your husband for a rest and a break and you can do this, then allow yourself some time. Second, my husband was cured using EMDR - eye movement desensitization reprocessing - over a 5 week period, and thorugh seeing a psychotherapist at the same time for more general psychotherapy. He is a completely different person now, emotionally available and understanding and SO much happier. The blogs I read about PTSD from the states never seem to mention EMDR, and my husband was treated in Europe - not sure if there are different medical norms but please give it a try if you can. I've also read reports that there are also experimental treatments using ecstasy (if you don;'t know, it used to be used in relationship counseling as it enables empathy and activates the part of the brain that shuts down in 'fight-or-flight' PTSD mode), but that's not an officially available option. Keep strong, and be kind to yourself.

Could you explain a little more about EMDR? my husband was in the iraq war as a infantry sniper. He has been rated with over 100% ptsd and tbi. We have been trying counsling and medication but it doesnt seem to do much good.

I continue to educate myself with the symtoms of PTSD primarily due to the fact that my fiancee was diagnoised with PTSD 9 years ago. He was an intelligence officer in the Marine Corps working with the Vietamese Army in Vietnam in the early 70's. Even tho he was not in combat, the post traumatic effects of war-time will still take its toll in later years, which was the case with him. His saving grace was other vets encouraging him to go to the VA and get help. While living in Seattle at the time, he went to the VA's Behavioral Health and was enrolled in their group therapy sessions for PTSD and had the most fabulous counselor. Eight months later he was able to LEARN how to CONTROL (you notice I said "control" because healing takes a lifetime) his trigger points. Stress is the delibating factor in PTSD -- the less there is, the more resilient the person will be. At this stage, I'm having to see a counselor in an attempt to change some of my behaviors in order to live a harmonious life with the person that I love. Some things are not easy in life, and this happens to be one of them, and one of the first steps is awareness -- making changes in your life. If you're focused on what is not working or not right, then changes need to be made. Yes, there are drugs out there that will help these guys as well.<br />
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I encourage each and every one of you out there to go to the VA and get the help that you need and be with other vets that have gone through and are still impacted by PTSD. I'll guarantee that they'll be a better person than they were or are and will continue to challenge themselves and reclaim their personal power by reframing their experiences as a source of strength. <br />
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The best to you all.

Let me tell you my story:<br />
<br />
I am in a 3 year married with a military vet of 23 years of service who was injuried in Afghanistan 3 years ago. He has been medically discharged since then and was diagnosed with PTSD at the same time. He has had multiple back surgeries since returning home but will be in chronic pain for the rest of his life. For the last 3 years we have not seeked out treatment for the PTSD because it was forgotten.<br />
So, the last 3 years i have believed that my husband (who i love very deeply) was a #&%&$#. See, I'm 40 now and I grew up with a family who told me to "fix your own problems." Do not tell others about your problems because all they just get is an earful of gossip and they will end up talking about you to everyone else. "Suck it up, and move on to the next problem." So, the past 3 years both my husband and i have built up a lot a anger towards each other. <br />
As time passed in the past 3 years, even though I wasn't recognizing that a lot of our problems were due to PTSD, I still found myself walking on "egg shells"around him for a long time. By doing this it was limiting our arguments but it was not helping me. A couple of months ago i found myself starting to get very very angry and tired of accomodating his needs only. So, since then I have been an angry person. My husband has never been physically violent to me. He is the opposite of most PTSD victims. He is very passive and tries to keep everything under control. Never expresses his feelings and pushes his pain deep down inside of him. In turn, I he snaps at me, is insulting and verbally abusive a lot of the times. Surprisingly, not to anyone else, but only to me. I heard people say that I am his "escape goat" but i choose to think I'm his "punching bag." Because of our constant arguing, a couple of months ago he left our house one day and he asked to be admitted into the VA psychiatric unit. I was so mad at him but thankful at the same time because I realized then we need help and this is a big problem. <br />
Since then, we have started individual and couple therapy. I have been also diagnosed with depression/PTSD from my past and secondary PTSD from my husband. Most days I feel horrible, crying a lot and feeling completely lost. I feel a piece of me beening chipped away every day. I'm exhausted and tired. I have not yet been able to stop this cycle, even though i feel myself becoming physically and mentally unhealthy. My husband keeps demanding that I change back to the way I was when we first meet, but it doesn't seem like I can right now. However, I love my husband and want to believe it is PTSD; and learn how to cope because I know it's never going away. <br />
As time goes by, I'm planning to suggest to our couples consular and to my husband, to do something different, which is, rather focusing on my husband triggers, let's focus on mine. Because it seems as long as I'm not pissed off, it seems things work out better. I guess because of our different personality types. I'll let your guys know how that went. <br />
I hope you enjoyed my little chat to you. I hope this different perspective helps someone, which is not necessarily always focusing on the primary needs of the person with PTSD but maybe there caregiver. Please let me know if this helped someone. Canada..........

I broke up with someone with severe PTSD 2 months ago. I didn't understand what I was facing - I have my own issues I'm working on (emotional abandonment) and having my sweetheart derail our relationship because he's upset about something from last week was new for me. What did I do? Why was he so awful - why didn't he fight for us? - why is he so mean now?<br />
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I read just a few of your blogs and I'm right now crying. I love this man very much - he is a good man. It might have been the military that caused this issue - but I believe he has never had enough safe love in his life. I couldn't deal with it. His best gal friend somehow helps him thru life issues - perhaps they will one day find a romance. Recently - he was in a grumpy mood and made it clear that even friendship is not possible because he can't respect my privacy in talking with his friends about us.<br />
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I feel for those of you who love someone with this awful illness. I'm not sure if everyone is relying on medical support from a VA - or many of you say your partner won't be treated. There are new treatments - non traditional - which use a modality of biofeedback. The treatment uses computer programs and waves that are picked up by the brain. If you and your sweetheart are willing to try some alternative treatements - you might look into biofeedback in your area.<br />
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God bless all of you for your patience and love.<br />
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Terri

I am not even kidding when I tell you how much I feel for you. My child is 17 months old. I met her father, a comat engineer (sapper) who has killed 32 approximately people and lose 20 plus friends in the war in iraq. I met him where he was stationed after he returned from war. He wanted to go AWOL, and I agreed to go with him to his hometown where his mother lived. 2 months into my pregancy, he was arrested and convicted of possession of firearms. long story. He spent 10 months in jail, which is actually a short time and it cost 20 plus thousands in lawyers to get him even that. Point being....I know my man is a good guy. You girls know what I mean. It's like a constant tormenting thought, wondering whether the person you are with is even accountable for their actions. My man is a sweet guy, but seeing that I did not know him before war....it is hard to know whether he was a ***** before or whether he is a ***** as a result of combat. I always believed that if a man batters or mentally abuse or DICTATES a woman, she should leave. But there are exceptions to every rule. I ask myself every day if my man is an abusive person or if he is a victim. Unfortunatly, I have to carry to burden of randomly being mentally and physically abused without blaming him for it. You girls, you can lie to us, but not to yourselves. Let me guess. You find yourself sporting a broken smile in public. You find yourself making excuses to anyone close to you as to why you can't visit...partially because you are embarrssed of what your man might do in social situations and partially because you are not "allowed" to have friends or family close to you due your you mans insecurity. You find yourself a victim of a man who is a victim himself. You ask yourself every day if it's worth your or you child/childrens happiness to stick with him. You lie to those close to you. IE "everything is fine". He tells you he hates you one day and to get out of his life and he tells you he is so in love with you the next. You wonder if he's truly in love with you or if he just "needs" you as a crutch. And the sickest thing is, you find yourself mirroring his insecurities. You know deep down that as much as you are tempted to leave him, you are afraid that he blames you and wants to leave you.I write this because I want you women to know that I am going through this too. I have no friends. I live with my "abuser" and his mother who is also abused and only stick by him because I know deep down that it is not his fault that he is like this. He is suffering and is ashamed of himself. And the more he treats us like ****, the more he acts out to try to rationalize and justify it all. I think I have the answer. If you love him enough, stick by it,. He is not the typical abuse man. He is damaged man who NEEDS you to help him, even if that means forcing him into help. I understant. I, too , have nowhere to run to in order to get away and say "I will not come back until you are healed." I need advice myself. Are we weak women or are we just faithful? And just in case you question it.....no it is not your fault. Best of luck to us all. We are few and we need force the American people to acknowledge this problem instead of turning their heads. Our men need not be punished. They need guidance by someone other than their spouses. This is how sick it is. I put my mother in laws e-mail in to leave this comment because my man is so paranoid that he checks my e-mails and would be mad and personally threatened should he know I posted this. BTW I am a 28 year old military brat who has only know my vet for 2 years. We are not weak. We are strong and committed. Never take the mental abuse personally but never forget that when you think you might be in danger, you are right. You are in danger. Ask yourselves if it's worth it. So far for me, it is.

Living with someone who suffers from PTSD is a daily battle I'm learning. Everyday I do find myself walking on eggshells. In a sick way it is comforting to see that other people are going through the same things I am. I am constantly second guessing my actions after we have an arguement. But I am learning little by little, day after day, that 85% of the time it is not my fault when we have a fall out. But it is still equally as hard to deal with. I am very sensitive and caring person so when I feel like I am being attacked I fall apart and cry. He says it crushes him when he sees my crying but I don't know what I am supposed to do. Just hold in my feelings to spare him? I know arguing and crying over things doesn't help anything but it is so hard to be strong somedays. He is always so negitive and will out of no where ask me questions like "why do you love me" or "you'll leave me one day". Those things couldn't be farther from the truth but he is always "what if'ing" our future together. I just try to remember that, I didn't cause it, I can't cure it and I can't control it. I do love him and I don't want to give up on us, but I pray that one day it will get better. That he will let me in.

My husband of 17 years has suffered from ptsd for a good portion of his life. Although he spent a short time in the military his ptsd stems from his childhood. He was beaten by his mother for years and verbally abused by his father. He says he lived in a house of horrors. We never really new what he had until recently. He was diagnosed with every mental illness in the book and has taken every medication in the world. He runs from everything, jobs, school, friends. It is always someone elses fault if things don't work out for him. He has worked on and off during our marriage, so I have always been the bread winner. He has not worked in over a year and his unemployment just ran out. We have three children who are getting older now and don't understand his moods. We all walk on eggshells not knowing what his mood will be. Actually, I am so fed up with it that I don't walk on eggshells anymore. He is constantly telling me that he is a failure. I spent years giving him pep talks to try and make him feel better, nothing ever helped/worked. I have sort of given up. We are at point now where money is so tight I am worried day and night. He thinks my new job is stressing me out and that I should not have left my previous job. The job does not stress me out, our situation does. I get VERY frustrated. <br />
I am a glass half full kind of person. I look for the good in everyone and am always willing to forgive. He is so negative and has no friends because he sabotages all his relationships, which of course it is never his fault, always their fault. I don't like the person I have become being around him. I want to have fun and enjoy life.<br />
Last night I was upset because I came home from work and the house was a mess again. He had done nothing all day, but blamed the kids for not pulling their weight around the house. When he said we are in this position because he has failed, I didn't argue with him and of course he stormed out of the room. I am sure it is now my fault.<br />
I am having a hard time living like this, and it is not fair to our children.<br />
Venting makes is a little better, but at the end of the day I still have to go home to it.

Hello everyone. I'm really glad that I found this Blog. <br />
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I am 30 years old and in a fairly new (going on 6 months) relationship with a wonderful man who is a PTSD survivor. He is 34 years old and PTSD has been apart of his life since his early teens. He has endured horrible things that no human should ever have to encounter in their life. From having family members brutally killed, being sexually and mentally abused at a young age, watching all of his childhood possessions and memories being burned before his eyes. To dealing with the stresses that come with seeking revenge against his family's murderers, as well as being moved from one country to another, and then after being diagnosed with PTSD having to face issues with drugs, alcohol, and an abusive relationship. He is truly a survivor. He took his destiny into his own hands and sought out the help that he needed to become the upstanding person he is today. From going into rehab, going to weekly meetings, and following through with psychological help he has grown and morphed from his former self. Most people I feel would have never made it as far as he has. He is a very successful person in his place of employment and he plays an active role in his community helping others who have faced similar shortcomings. He is honest, very eccentric, and is the love of my life.<br />
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But loving him, means loving him with his PTSD. Although he has come along way in his personal journey, his PTSD haunts our relationship.<br />
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So now a little about us and how we met and where I am in our journey together.<br />
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We met unofficially about a year ago at my place of work. We do not work together for the same company but my place of employment uses his place of employment service's on a daily basis. We only talked briefly in the beginning. A hello here or a thank you there, nothing to write home about. Then about 6 months in, he started to express his interest in me to my co-workers. Unfortunately at the time I was in a relationship but they encouraged him to pursue me anyways. So one day after weeks of myself knowing that he was interested, he asked me out. I now know that it took him a great amount of courage to do this. Sadly for him, I explained that I was seeing someone, but I did tell him that I would keep him in my mind. So more time passed. Seasons and holidays had went by and changed. I had also changed. I had broken off the relationship that I was in. It was for the better and I felt no yearning for that person any longer. Just not meant to be, I guess is what you would say. Now I believe that everything happens for a reason. That when one door closes there is always another one opening. So after about a week went by my work place admirer asked me out again! I was shocked at the timing. I asked my co-workers if they had told him that I was single again, but they all swore they hadn't spoke a word. So he asked me if we could get together sometime. We exchanged numbers, went on our first date that weekend, and have been together ever since. We recently have moved in together as well (which adds a twist to everything).<br />
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So there it is in a nutshell. Boy meets girl, boy loves girl before she even realizes it, so in time girl lets boy into her life. Now girl is having to learn how to love all over again. I have realized that loving someone and being in a relationship with someone who suffers from PTSD is like no other relationship I have had in the past. I have been married and divorced and faced all the troubles that came in between, but those experiences are nothing like what I am experiencing in my current relationship. In my marriage we drifted apart, together, if that makes sense. In my current relationship, I am trying to get closer to someone that has a hard time letting anyone in. It's like loving a cactus. They are prickly on the outside and hard to get close to, but with love, sunshine, a little water and most importantly time, they bloom one or two beautiful blooms.<br />
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My plan for this blog is to use it as a place to vent and learn how to cope better in my relationship. A place where I can learn about myself and hopefully anyone out there who may read it can offer advice or maybe even learn that they are not alone. I have done my own research on PTSD and have talked many times with my love about the subject but I still have a long journey ahead of me. But he is worth it. We are worth it. Please feel free to post your feelings, your own adventures with PTSD or other similar disorders, or just say hello!

Thank you so much for everyones comments. Sorry I can't get on here as much anymore. Being a truck driver and not having a way to get on the net keeps me from here. I miss everyone and I hope everyone is doing good. My husband is still on the truck with me and he is still the same. I can't really say he is getting any better. His mood swings are so wide. Sometimes I can say something that I think is innocent and it sets him off. His stress has also started messing with him and he is now throwing up a lot too. Yes stress will do that. I am trying very hard to understand this and I really wish they would do more for people with PTSD. It is not easy and yes there are days I want to throw him off the truck and just drive away. PTSD has also helped build a wall between us. It is rare for us to just talk anymore. Usually when we try we end up arguing. I am a very sensitive person so that does not help. My love for him has made me stick with him though and I am a fighter so I am still not ready to give up. Right now we are having big problems with the VA and that is not helping either. He now says he wishes he never served for his country. That is sad. A vet who was so proud to serve that is now in a system that does not care and I don't think they ever will. Seems like they just use you up and turn you loose.

Both I and my daughter have ptsd due to life experiences. After doing a lot of research, we forgo the use of drugs. What is out there simply puts you in a semi-sleep state, which does nothing for the real problems. In my case, I disassociate some times so severely that I might as well be strung out on downers. My daughter reacts with instant rage. This has been especially true since her memories opened up. What has helped is:<br />
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1) Journal-ing in the morning and evening.<br />
2) Avoiding stimulants like coffee and eating a mainly vegetarian diet.<br />
3) Taking Fish Oil Pills 2-3 times per day.<br />
4) Learning and practicing Non-Violent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg. Also check and see if there is a practice group in your area.<br />
5) EMDR and Body-Talk Therapy.<br />
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-- good luck to all of you

Loving someone with ptsd , I,m learning is a very hard thing. So I understand what you are going through. Let me share a little about the love of my life, Well we met about twenty-five years ago, and we just reconectted about four months ago, I have alway s loved him, but our lives took differnt paths. We would always talk on the phone, go out to dinner, spend time with one another, So finnally he told me he has ptsd, He sits at home and do nothing all day and night, he would make plans to see me and three days before we would meet he would cancel, then he would get angry because I would be hurt from the cancelation, I want to walk away but i still love him very much and really he's a good person, So I pray every day for his happiness and that ptsd will be of thing of the past one day, Our Govt needs to really look at the effect the military has on men and women, So I would suggest a support group you can join, talking with friends and relatives, church groups, I,m a practincing buddhist so I chant eveyday for him to be happy and myself.

My husband served in the army for 2yrs. We were stationed over in Germany & after his tour he came back throwing up all the time & continues to do so, Im not sure if that's a sign of PTSD but sometimes i think it is. He was honorably discharged beacause of him being so sick all the time, I think his nerves were/are shot! Every once in while he'll talk to me about serving but won't go into a lot of detail. I just wonder if im making this up in my head or if he really has PTSD. He swears he doesn't but i dont know what to think anymore. Im at my wits end & he refuses to go to any doctor. While we were in Germany he was in & out of the hosptial & they found nothing wrong with him. He even checked himself into a mental facaulity over there. They got him on antidepressants but he only took those for a little while then stopped. Please someone comment back, I need advise & help this is a struggle for me everyday!!

I just had a wonderful weekend with a Soldier who has been discharged and out of the Army for about 5 or 6 years. He has PTSD, and I didn't really see too many signs of it when he was visiting me. Right now he is staying at the VA, and I try to visit him as much as possible! He is divorced and has an 8 year old daughter from his 1st marriage. Everything felt good over the weekend, I believe I may have slight PTSD too, though. I myself have been through a very traumatic event about 7 years ago. Comments are very welcome!

Thank you all for being so honest. <br />
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I'm having a very difficult time dealing with my boyfriend and his PTSD. He is a wonderful, kind man with a good heart but I never know when PTSD is going take over. He was a "first In" 9/11 rescue worker. We live in NJ and the only thing I can say to him is that I know how I felt watching the Towers burn for hours and hours. I worked right across the river and saw it all. I cannot imagine what he went through nor would I want to. I don't say it to be mean, I say it so he knows I know how bad it must have been. We all watched the news for days, weeks and months. I know he understands that I will never be able to relate, but that doesn't matter. He gets so angry all the time. He can't sleep and because of everything that he breathed in, he has health issues to boot. <br />
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Prior to this past August I didn't know anything about PTSD. I just thought he was moody. I thought it was because his life is such a mess because his ex is crazy and he lives with his folks because he spent all his money for joint custody of his child that he was just broken down. I thought by loving him and supporting him I could help him. <br />
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Unfortunately, last August, he began to meltdown right before I was leaving for four days with my GF's (something I have done since he has known me and has not cared that I did). He told me I was the worst person ever for abandoning him in his time of need. He became vicious in his texts and voicemails. I just got angry becuase I thought he was being selfish. I didn't know. After everythng, I felt terrible for leaving. We forgave each other and we tried to work things out. He had mildly manipulated me in the past and I assumed that's all it was and just got angry back. When I arrived home he told me I was the most uncompassionate person ever. Then he tells me he thought I was cheating on him because of some old emails he found in my computer from ex's. He was angry because I never mentioned it and the reason was because he was never jealous. Now he looks for things on my computer. I feel I deserve this for leaving him to go two hours away last year. But do I???<br />
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At this point, I'm so beat down by his paranoid ways, his hostile thoughts and comments that I don't know what to do. I'm resentful because he expects all my free time to be spent with him and his son and I shouldn't see my friends. That's what brought on the latest fight leaving us seperated after three years. He wants me to make a fours day weekend two hours away only 2 days. I suggested a compromise of three but that wasn't good enough. The gentleman that explained how PTSD sufferers always think they are right was right on the money. He will not budge for two days. We broke us up over two days. It's very hurtful and sad and he is blaming me for being so stubborn. <br />
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Like all of you ladies, I am a very upbeat, happy go lucky person. I'm 45 and just want to enjoy my life. Preferrably with him but it's not looking promsing after the huge fight on New Years Eve.<br />
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I know the PTSD is real. He has a 7 year old son that is everything to him. He has the illness in control enough to work and take good cae of his son. It's me that seems to be the bad guy all of the time. <br />
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He has been in therapy with the same therapist since 9/11. I suggested going to a new therapist and for a moment he agreed to make things better in September, but never followed through. I'm not saying he hasn't tired, but his hostile mood swings toward me are out of control. I have my first therapy appointment tomorrow night. Now, I need help and hope therapy is where to go to get it. I'm sad without him, but angry and sad with him even though I adore him. <br />
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He cerntainly is not as bad off as some of the poor people dealing with PTSD. I'm so sorry for all of you that suffer with this terrible and tragic disease. Thank you all for the insight. <br />
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One of the hardest things about living with someone with PTSD, is that my friends and family don't understand it and only see how it has affected my life and me as a person which creates more conflict for me beause I love them all and they all love me.<br />
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Thanks for listening to my ramblings. <br />
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He and all of you deserve to be happy, I'm just not I can give him what he needs. Not that I don't want to..<br />
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Happy New Year and all the best to you all!!<br />
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Loren

Rondat...gosh, your guy sounds just like mine, only mine is a retired police detective! I thought I was going nuts because I, too, am a really upbeat, happy person. I recently had a spiritual "reading" where the spirit guide to the psychic told me that my guy would bring me down. He has, countless times and more often then not. Now it is getting worse. I think it's because he's "settled in" and has let down his former "guard" to an extent with me. Last night during our Christmas get-together with his children, he picked on me several times and said really bad things that even his daughters were frightened about. His ex is still in "shell shock" from living with him, now I kind of understand why, though she didn't want to for whatever her reasons are. I have coffee with the woman, now remarried and happy, every day. It's so weird, because she and I are getting along better then he and I. I've thought of so many things that I could discuss with him but I might have had a break through when I asked him at the breakfast table why he still didn't seem happy, now that Christmas is over. His answer was "nothing makes me happy". He moved me out to be with him in August because I allegedly made him "happy", and now this? I'm darned near ready to take a hike with my kids because it kinda scares me, how he acts and the content of what he talks about at times. The mood swings are horrible. His parents passed away a few years back, which doesn't help things. His ex cheated on him then married the guy she did it with and she has custody of the kids because he chose not to pursue it. Big mess! I love him with all my heart but I have to wonder if my kids and I are in dangers way with him. Is it too late for Drew? I have no idea. How are things going in your neck of the woods, so to speak? I feel for you, lady. All of you! Holiday Greetings, no matter what...and I hope your year is better then this past one is. Contact me anytime you like! ~ Kel ~

I have severe PTSD and I know what you girls are going through. It is very important that your boys put some effort into controlling their PTSD and treating you well. I know from experience that it may be impossible when the PTSD is doing the talking, but if they have to lock themselves in a room for a while, maybe they should do it. <br />
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I am not so lucky as they are. They don't know how good they have it. PTSD is bad enough, but being without anyone who cares is worse. I hope they realize that suffering alone temporarily is better than suffering alone permanently. <br />
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I used to be so happy and mellow all the time, but now I swing all over the place, unpredictably. I know I can't control it, and it's not my fault, but I can do my best to recognize when it is happening and keep my mouth shut. It doesn't always work, but sometimes it does, and that's all you can ask for. <br />
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People with problems as debilitating as PTSD are often very selfish. You would be too if you were suffering so miserably like that. I also have physical health problems, and I can tell you, I'd much rather be crippled than have PTSD, it's that bad. You girls will always have this problem as long as he has it. Sometimes it can be treated, but when it's severe, it can be overwhelming. <br />
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You both need treatment and counseling, treatment and counseling, treatment and counseling. A person with PTSD does not know what they do. The things they say and the things they do seem to be the most correct things in the world. In fact, when we are in PTSD mode, we will never be more confident than we are then. But, we're often dead wrong, and completely unable to see that.<br />
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The only thing that has worked for me is to know when the PTSD is in control, and stop. Whatever it is I am doing, I have to stop, because I can't trust myself to not say something stupid. It will make perfect sense at the time to say something stupid, and only later will I realize it was wrong, and maybe not even then. If I know I'm PTSD'ing, then I can have some hope to control it. The PTSD is so powerful, it usually doesn't work, but sometimes it does, and it's always worth it.<br />
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Treatment has not worked for me, I tried everything. I've been to around 50 treatment providers, and spent ungodly amounts of time and money. What HAS worked is learning about it. The soldiers should understand this: Knowing you enemy is half the battle. The war will never be over for them, but their enemy has a different face, and it's looking back at them in the mirror. They have to be willing to suffer a little more, if they want to be the one to come out alive at the end. Death is easy, living is hard, and your guys need to be tougher than they've ever been before if they're going to be able to beat their new enemy.<br />
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They should make friends with some guys that are a little ahead of them in dealing with their PTSD. They need guidance, and they have to be man enough to admit they need it, and go get it themselves. You girls should not do it for him. It's his battle, not yours, and he can't win unless he wins alone. You can and should support him and encourage him, and let him know that you are the prize waiting for him at the end of each victorious day. You stay alive one day at a time, and you beat PTSD one day at a time. Death will not stop until you are dead, and neither will PTSD. Accept it, but LIVE! Death hasn't won yet, and neither has PTSD. Your guys are still alive, and that means they must keep fighting, but in a new kind of fight that no one has trained them to survive. They need support, and backup. They need someone that can understand them like you girls can't. They need to learn the tricks and dangers. <br />
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To the boys:<br />
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PTSD is a badge that you can't take off. It says you're a survivor who's been to hell and lived to tell about it, but it also says that a part of you is still there. You can't take the badge off, but maybe you can paint it or turn it upside down. You have to do something with it, you can't go parading around everywhere with that stupid badge. It's an award you never wanted anyway, so do your best to put it away.

my counselour had me read a book to understand my husbands ptsd and what he went through..its called: Rule Number Two/Lessons I Learned in a Combat Hospital by Dr Heidi Squier Kraft...it helped me i pray it helps you too..

Life is interesting to say the least but I walk on eggshells too. I haven't figured out what it is that makes him click. I've read for some it is a noise or a smell etc. But one minute he is in a great mood the next pissed and everything I do makes him angry. He just stopped drinking too which makes it even more fun. NOT. I'm so proud of him but the mood swings are just out of control. Its nice to know that there are folks out there who understand. Hang in there you are a strong woman and one day when he is better he will see that and you will reap the rewards. Not to throw religion in there but keep praying.

It is not easy. My husband and I fight all the time and he always blames me. It is always my fault because I don't understand and I don't listen. I know how you feel standing behind the ones you love and I will always stand behind him and I do love him with all my heart. I just want happiness again. I want our government to stop useing our guys and just throwing them away when they don't work for them anymore and then turning their backs on our vets when they need help. Good luck with the VA. My husband stopped going to them because all they do is want to shove more drugs down his throat. They seem to think the drugs help. Yes some of them do but the ones my husband was on turned him into a zombie. I now have him on the truck with me because he won't take care of himself if I leave him at the house. We have not been home in a year now. With him on the truck there is no need for us to go home. It is very stressful though because I not only have to drive eleven hours a day but also clean the truck, take the dog out, go into the truck stop and get our food, get his coffee, wash clothes and the list just goes on and on. He did clean the truck last night and I thanked him. People say he is just lazy but I know he is not lazy. He does help me when I ask but I have to ask him he won't do it just because. We talked about this last night and he told me that I have to keep at him. I tried to explain to him how stressful that was and sometimes when I keep at him he gets mad. I have to walk on egg shells around him. I get so mad at him sometimes and I am not a wife that nags. Boy does he nag though. lol He complains about the truck all the time being dirty and this and that so if he is complaining about it then he knows it needs to be done and after driving all day I don't feel like doing it. It just seems to be one big circle. We go around and around all the time.

New to this chat thing. I was online looking for help for answers just like all of you. My boyfriend, soon to be the father of my 3rd child his 1st, has PTSD. He's been to war 3x in like a 6 year period before I met him. I go through what most of you do, the mood swings is the hardest for me. I dont know yet what triggers it. But he says I am too emotional when I cry too and he gets aggravated. He has started his paperwork for the VA but it hasn't been processed yet. I've offered to pay for a counselor until it goes through but he says no. Sometimes he is so happy and others I feel like he hates me. He says thing so mean sometimes I wonder if he has a heart at all. Then he turns around in the same breath and says I love you, Im sorry. He has never been violent in front of me but he did battle with Alcohol for a long time and finall after 2 dui's just in the year we have been together he got help. I was ready to leave I wasn't going to live with a "weekend warrior". He completely stopped by himself. The will power he has amazes me, but he never even slips a little, it has been 3 months. He has serious attachment issues and seems to think that being affectionate is for punks. He also seems to have a lot of sexual issues. His interest level in sex is close to zero. Me being a very sexual woman finds this to be very hard. I get tired of being turned down. I feel like the tables are turned. lol When we first met and were just dating it wasn't like this. Maybe he was hiding who he really was. I feel like I am dating 2 ppl. I am sorry that all of you are going through ths too but it feels so good to see someone else is going thru it and it is real. Its nice to know it could really be the PTSD and not that I am just stupid for toughing it out. I believe in love and i believe in seeing thru things, standing behind those you love. I want to help him but I dont know how. Our baby, his first child, is due in October. I want to know he will be on the floor cooing at him or her. But I dont, i dont even know if he will be happy. He treats my 2 older children very well. I am just venting at this point I could go on for days with stories but i will end this entry here. Hope to hear back from some of you.

I know where you are coming from. When my husband says something hateful to me and I cry he shows no emotions and that bothers me. I want him to put his arms around me and hold me when I am crying not just sit there and say things like are you done yet. It can be very, very hard at times and believe me I have wanted to walk away and say I can't take anymore but I stay and just keep loving him. I just want both of us to be happy. I want more then anything for him to be happy. He has had such a rough life he deserves happiness. I can try to help you with what I know about PTSD and what I go through. Sometimes just having an ear for someone to blow off some steam helps a lot. I also know about the things said that he does not remember. My husband does the same thing. He will say something and then forget that he said it. Of course I would love to figure out how to be able to forget some of the hurtful things said but when said they go deep and scar. If you or anyone who is dealing with this needs to chat just send me a letter and we can chat. Maybe chatting with each other we can help each other.

I started searching the internet tonight after having some issues with my boyfriend last night. He is a former marine and came back from Iraq about 4 years ago. He suffered injuries while serving in Iraq and also suffers from PTSD. I met him after Iraq, and have no idea what he was like beforehand.<br />
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Not only am I dealing with having a relationship with someone with PTSD, but also it currently is a long distance relationship. I am planning to move up there at the end of may, and for a long time he was very excited about the prospect. however, last night all of a sudden he started telling me how he was scared for me to move up there because he knew he would end up ruining my life. he then went on to say that he has no emotions and does not feel an emotional connection to me or to anyone, and that he needs to push me away and we only have a friendship anyway. Upon further talking to him he began to say that no he doesn't want to lose me and that he does really care about me, and wants to have a relationship with me and wants me to move up there. It was a very back and forth conversation that really made no logical sense to me at all. I asked him why he was pushing me away, and he said that he has to push me away because I will never understand all the thoughts he has daily related to his ptsd and if I really knew the thoughts that I would leave him and push him away. I tried to tell him that I've been with him all this time already (2 years), and that while yes i will never understand exactly what he is going through it doesn't mean I don't want to hear about it or tha I am going to run from it. I tried to tell him I will be there for him and not to push me away like that. He said he just wasn't sure that I was strong enough for that, and that he wanted this to work and wanted to be with me but didn't know if he loved me because he doesn't feel any emotions.<br />
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This isn't the first time this has happened, this has happened before where he suddenly will question our relationship, talk about how he has no emotions and has so much other things to deal with that he can't handle me as well, and essentially tries to push me away. he eventually comes around and apologizes and then a while later forgets that he ever even acted like that and if i bring it up he insists he never felt that way, never said those things.<br />
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I love him a lot and I don't want to lose him. I know this relationship will always be hard, but I want him to see that I will always be there for him. I want him to know that I am not going to push him away and I'm not going to leave, and that this is a real relationship. However, I don't know exactly how to help him to see that and I don't know how to give him what he needs as far as space and at the same time show him that I will still be there for him.<br />
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Any help would be appreciated. He is not really ever violent or outwardly mean to me like I have read about some other people, but he does constantly question us at times and talk about having no emotions, even though I see him express them whether or not he realizes that's what he's expressing. He used to see a counselor but doesn't anymore, but I feel like he should.<br />
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I just want to know how to handle this and how to make sure that he knows I am here for him and that he doesn't just push me away and throw everything away. I feel better seeing though that these issues are more related to ptsd and not to us at all really.

ptsd is scary, when it gets better, you will not that sacre anymore and more confident walking toward the healing, i was sleep well last nihgt, which i never thought i would be, i am learning the Awareness Growth method, which i believe can help me out eventualy, so, keep in faith, it is not that bad as you think. i can understand the stress your husband have, and your stress get along with him, he doesn't really mean to kill himself, he just showing how pain he is right now and need some pity from you, his anger shows not just pain but also attention from others, especialy you. for the drugs he is using would be a process of resistance, if you decide to stick with the treatment, it is better to let him calm first, then get him back on medicine when he not feel that scared, no matter how he treats you, don't really get it serious, may be walk out of the house a little bit, and showing support would make him be more appreciate your love and make the commitment of recovering instead of blaming. it is not hard to understand your crying, when he saw it, he would think guilty on not make you happy, but also he want you be strong on it, otherwise he would think you are not supporting him, he would more emotional. that is why it gets more mess and let you desperate. remember be yourself and keep support your family, because he really can't work this time, tell the doctor this situation and see what can be do next.<br />
i don't know the medicine treatment is right for him, for me, i personally don't choose it, if iam quiet comfortable with the alternative. Give more time on going to the doctor and follow their instruction, or drop it and have alternative, they also have the nerufeedback called EEG<br />
, that is proved effective and harmless, non-invasive, try to learn more about that on serach EEG treatment in case your husband really get resist to the drugs, the VA cover it's expense and you can find a local provider for it. wha is happening is happening, let it go, someitmes you are just struggle on the situation, it is complicated and confused and very hurt, keep calm as much as you can, and learn more and get more help, the recovery will be sooner.<br />
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alway know it is not that bad as you think, and many out there already quiet well back to their track, hope you have a good faith it and relaxe your self more, and working improvement on your family's happiness.<br />
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i will share more comment lately while see how i goes with the AWARENESS GROWTH method. i can tell i am feeling a little bit release after it and start doing meaningful thing a little bit.<br />
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don't let the problem stay, get hep is needed, even you are devastating, take a breath,woking go it, the outcome will be better and make you more believe not to give up and make a commitment on cure ptsd eventualy, that will make you happier, at least you don't need to feel that bad as now and can easy your day more.

Yes I understand you and thank you for your comment. It is not easy dealing with him and yes sometimes when he goes off on me I am scared. His whole body language changes and the person I am seeing I do not know. He refuses to take the medicines the VA pushes at him which I don't blame him because all they do is turn him into a zombie. I don't want him as a zombie. He actully tried to kill himself the medicines made him so depressed and the military put him in the hospital for a week trying other drugs and trying to find something that would work. He has stated to me several times that he would be better off dead and that hurts me. He is my world and I don't want to live with out him. Right now he is in one of his moods where he stays up all night and sleeps all day. What bothers me too is when he really gets upset and goes off on me he does not remember it half the time and when I am crying he asks why and when I tell him he says I did not do that or say that. It is not easy and I pray it will get eaiser one day but right now I don't have any hope. I know the first step is admiting you have PTSD which I have also but some people can deal with theirs better then others. I just try to block mine out. Just this past year I started having angsity attacks ( I know I did not spell that right) and it scares me. They are also a part of PTSD. Along with a lot of other symptoms. I was given a book on PTSD by the VA and it scared me to read that my husband had every single symptom in the book. I don't have it as bad as he does. It is like walking on egg shells around him I never know when he is going to explode.

i read english perfectly well, but my writting is very poor.<br />
i am a immigrant, live here for 10 years, go to high school. go to college, but drop out after the first year, i have ptsd, i am a male, i joined the army, but discharged. i married. my wife suffer exactly the same like you. with ptsd, i can't finish my army serve, i stay home for a year, living without soul, i used to be smart, nice person, my life is a mess now, no different than the homeless people outside, wothout ptsd, i am good in my life, i doing well in school, have my wife love me, and marry me. i can't do nothing. all because the ptsd, it is very painful, everyday is a living hell, and my family will suffered the pain i made. we are helpless, hopless.all we can do is focusing on curing the ptsd, that is what iam doing now, i truly believe i will be back to myself again. i don't mean when i am emotionaly hurting my wife, nothing i can do, the illness controlled me, so,, please understand your boyfriend or husband, they really love you, right now, they are sick. for me, i think about killing my wife, killing someone i hate, but i won't, <br />
it is very scary to myself and to my wife, every family member worry about me, scare of me, heart break. to myself, there is a lot of pain, i can't breath somehow, my head is blowing, the anger is huge, suck up all my energy, the most painful person is the ptsd patient himself, their love one will get ptsd too, and is very painful, at least they can work, but we can't, we just liek totally physical disabled and mentally retarded and very evil and scare people to death. so, i can 100% undestand how my wife's pain is. just like yours. the only thing is never give up, not just a hope. to myself, i know i am just fine in the very inner of my heart. i don't trust my wife when the ptsd showing it's symptoms, but i do 100% trust her. my wife don't know if she should trust me or not, she is confused, scared,mixed of terrible feelings, makes her numb. and like there is no soul with her, she just don't know. i can understand it. i can tell her, and all you wife or girlfriend who lived with you loved ptsd husband or boyfriend. trust him, this is for sure, i am one of them, i know how i am being just like your loved ones. they love you. there are many succeed rate on cure ptsd. i have been medication, serching all resouce in the web, trying all the methods by my self, try to think it out, but non-working, just getting worse and worse, because i avoid treatment for years. now is the first time i admit i have ptsd. it is hard to believe after so long . i already dead for many years ago when i attempt to suicide, but i alived, my parents and my brothers are so shocked and so pain on this, after i realize this, i swear i will neve kill myself again, even sometime i feel like i have to kill myself again, but i endure it, it is very hard. but i am free of suicide now, not the medication, but my self-realization. life to me right now. i am nothing, and with nothing, people can can me a loser, my wife look down on me, my parents look down on me, they don't want to, it just a feeling, i know they love me, and they hope i will be fine again, they are hurting, that is why their confident on me shaking. no matter what is now. the only thing for me and my family is that our body still here, we still breathing, and never give up. this is the only thing keeping me alive and make me not stopping on earnig my life back, let my wife happy, my parents happy, everybody around me happy. like my wife said: if iam not happy, she will not happy, she's only hope on me now is help myself out, and be happy. that is what i am doing everyday, even though iam in pain in hell can't sleep can't eat, can't go out, completely in the room myself day and night, day and nihgt, i don't know what date is, i feel nothing about outside, i am emotion less, very like hell, every time i see myself in the mirror, i see a person that is dead already inside but only the outside is an alive body. that is how it is. we have to admit, and keep the step going, even we still in very anxious, sacry all kinds of pain like hell mood, we still going forward, this is the only thing i am happy about, this is the hope i keep for my wife and people who love me. i think all you out there should keep together with your husband or boyfriend, life about together, share happiness, sadness, even life took away. and we all finding a way to end eveything terrible we are having now and live a happy life new, jus t happy as used to be. no one drop out, the day surely come, if the day come, some one already drop out, who is gonna share with whom, you will miss the day, so, stay, that day is for your loving and efforts ,pains you contribute because you love him, he love you. you will be happy. i garanteed you and speak as i am the hudsband with ptsd.<br />
i don't know you understand my poor ex<x>pression in english. i am doing my best to let you understand, i will keep on stay this story.<br />
hope you all feel well at least a little release.<br />
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remember not just woman with woman seems being like taking this alone, your men are with you, do trust them, do believe the are just the nice gentleman they used to treat you well. they will be back.

If you are still available I'd like to ask you a question.

Rondat...<br />
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I feel like I could have written almost all of your story. Things with my husband have been getting progressively worse and I don't know what to do. We are starting counciling soon, but it is two weeks away and I don't know how we will make it. I am always on eggshells and he so upset about the pettiest things that don't make any sense to be upset about. I don't know how to deal with the mood swings and horrible mean behavior. He is on medication, but it doesn't seem to be helping...I have seen a change, but it's not for the better. Everything is my fault and I seem to do everything wrong. If I say it's black he says it's white and I get the cold shoulder sometimes for hours. My mother in law knows how bad it is and is empathetic...she is the only one I can talk to about it. I see that you originally posted your story about a year ago and I am hoping you still come to this website because I could use some advice. I am wondering if things are better for you. Any wisdom would be appreciated.<br />
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Michele

I can relate to so many of the things that each of you have said. It was only recently that I found out that PTSD is the reason for many of the things that I'm experiencing with my boyfriend. I have often told my friend that I feel like I'm dating two different people. I'm constantly walking on eggshells and I feel that every thing I do irritates him. He blows up at me for the smallest of things and I often end up crying and them I'm acccused of being "too emotional". Once I started reading stuff on the internet, i felt a bit of relief and felt that I could better cope. The thing that really gets me is that he will curse me out for crossing my toes (this is something i do while watching TV) but one of his friends or coworkers will do something that warrants a tongue lashing and yet he will maintain his composure with them. This is what leaves me wondering how much of his behavior is PTSD and how much is him just being a jerk. Logic tells me that the emotional attachment is the difference in how he responds to people but someone please tell that to my heart. <br />
My boyfriend and I don't live together and I'm grateful for that right now. We used to talk about marriage but now I stray from the subject because I have children and would not subject them to this kind of hell. I love this man with all my heart and I want to be there for him. At the same time, I see the person that I am becoming and it is scary. I'm seriously contemplating going to therapy and or getting on medication. I definitely feel the effects of the stress on my body. I feel like I need to put my children and myself first, but I don't want to walk out on the man I love. Is there a way to have both? I totally relate to the comment someone made about missing their husband but not looking forward to him coming home. We are preparing for Hurricane Ike and while I'm comforted that he will be with me during the hurricane, I can't help but wonder which storm will be worse. I'm grateful for this website, because I feel better right now than I felt this morning when I woke up. I'ts comforting to know that there are others out there who understand. Make no mistake, I don't find comfort in knowing others are dealing with this, but at least we can help each other get thru it.

My husband has severe PTSD. We have been married for 15 years. The last 6 have been hell, due to the PTSD. I understand that you love him, but honestly I would say do not marry him. If you are walking on eggshells and stressed out now, let it be finished. Let him on his own journey to peace. You need yours as well.

I've got to agree with onhold. Don't marry him. I'm married to a Vietnam vet with PTSD &amp; I love him but It doesn't get better. We've known each other 30 years. Even after getting "help" @ the VA &amp; taking some meds for depression (which does help a bit with some of mood swings) he's more difficult to live with as the years go by. From what I've heard about other vet's spouses/girlfriends over the years, I have it good. Get out while you can. If you can't get out for yourself, do it for your children.

I feel like you have been living my life by the things you have said with yours. How do you deal with it? I try so hard to stay strong for my boyfriend but sometimes I break down. He has ptsd very bad. I know all about the nightmare and flashback and the hateful, hurtful things that he says to me. He also has a heart of gold and would do anything for anybody. But I do walk on egg shells all the time not knowing what or who is going to set him off. I love him to death. We have known each other since jr, high school but we have been together as a couple for 2 years now. It has gotten better in the last few months but he still needs help. He has gone through Track 1 at the va and waiting to get in Track 2. He takes him meds everyday but he still aint the same person I grew up with. If you can give me any advise please do so. I am looking for any help I can get. Thanks leeleelhk

What is Track 1 and Track 2?

Also, married to a soldier. It's so hard sometimes, but helps knowing there are other who are going through the same thing. I don't know what to do. He's finally agreed to marriage counseling, but won't be seen for PTSD. He's been home for 10 months now and we had our first real conversation this week. I try to be patient and supportive but I don't know what he needs. He's either completely ambivalent or hateful. There are no good times. But I know it's not him, that he needs help; I just don't know how long I can do this for.

I do know what you are going through. My heart does go out to you.

I, too, am married to a combat vet with PTSD from Iraq. I was up most of the night with concerns and worries. My husband is like Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Most of the time (70%) he is Dr. Jekyll. He is romantic and I know that he loves me. I know that he is doing his best to take care of me and his stepkids and our daughter. <br />
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He made it through law school and is currently out of town, and has been for ten days, finalizing his studying and taking the bar exam. He will be home tomorrow night. I miss him. I love him. I am not looking forward to him being home. <br />
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He cut off phone comm five days ago. He sends me emails telling me he is hallucinating, hearing voices and explosions. He feels constantly in danger and threat of mortal doom. He has told me he is going to intensive outpatient therapy when he gets back. This is a good thing but it also gives testamony to how bad his ptsd is right now. He hates dealing with this at all.<br />
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He has never hit me or my kids, but has told me that during arguments the urge to kill me is almost overpowering. After Christmas he slept in the basement for a week with nightmares of my dead body surrounded in blood on the kitchen floor.<br />
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In Iraq, they called him the candy man because he handed out candy to the local kids. Here he is not good with kids. The noises of play, laughing and crying are triggers for him. They make him angry. Our daughter is two and my two are 8 and 9 and the toll of trying to keep the house under complete control so that he won't kill my children in a fit insanity is taking it's toll on me. I feel like his ptsd is giving me ptsd.<br />
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I love the good side of him but I hate the bad. I want to cling to the good but avoid the bad which leaves me confused and ambivalent, afraid to enjoy the good times for fear the bad are right around the corner.<br />
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Last night I was trying to balance the good with the bad. We live in a beautiful house, in a perfect beach town, and I get to stay home with my kids as I have always dreamed, and yet I cannot live my kids alone with my husband for fear that that will push him over the edge and I will come home and find only the bodies of my precious children. If I leave then our baby will grow up fatherless, a fate my other two are enduring and one that is horrible. I will have to go to work and sacrifice time with my kids and additional stress dealing with kids and work and sickness and snow days.<br />
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I would love talk this over with my husband but I am afraid that will trigger his depression and suicidal tendancies or even his anger. I have requested to go to marriage counseling with him and he refuses. <br />
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So now I am trying to live with the decision to stay with a man who is cold and indifferent to my older children, while loving and kind to his own child, but who can snap on any in a moment, debating the possible long term traumas of everyone involved in staying or leaving and wondering how I will live with myself if he does kill someone. It will be my fault for staying with him knowing he is a threat. <br />
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I also know that in four years he hasn't hurt anyone, but it doesn't erase the fear that alls it will take is one incident one time and in an instant a life will end. <br />
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I this doesn't fix your problem, but reading your story has helped me in knowing that there is some one out there who understands how this can suck the very life from your soul. I used to be vry positive myself, but my husbands negativity (he calls it realism) has overwhelmed everything positive and good in me. I hardly recognize the person I have become to mentally survive my husbands illness.<br />
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I have been sick four times in the last two months. I am trying to recover from a sinus infection right now. I know that it is connected with the stress that I have been dealing with.<br />
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I searched the internet this morning looking for something to give me some measure of peace. What I have found is that I am not alone, and for now that is a soource of peace and strength, refuge even. <br />
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Where do you go when you do not feel entirely safe in your own home? <br />
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I hope it gives you some small measure of peace as well. You are not alone.<br />
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Good luck and bless you.

I see the date is 2008 but I hope you'll answer. I was about to be married and had a wonderful relationship. He would call saying he just needed to hear my voice because it calmed him. Twice during the week he called in the middle of the night to hear me, I soothed him. The day he was to come he was so excited he called at 1:30 to tell me he was driving without glasses and in the right lane totally stressed and he couldn't talk. For 2 days he didn't answer his phone he shouldve been here in 6 hours. I called every state police station in every state then I find him making a comment on facebook. There was no reason for it. Is this PTSD related or was did I just get dumpedl

Yes I know exactly what you are going through. I am going through the same thing. I also suffer from PTSD but not as bad as my husband. What a lot of people don't relize is PTSD does not just come from being in a war. It can come from being abused, a car accident anything tramatic. It is not an easy thing to live with or deal with. My heart goes out to you sweety and if you need to talk let me know. I just went back on the road as a truck driver so I am slowly saving money to get my internet set back up on my laptop so I can get on here in my truck so if I don't answer right away as soon as I can answer I will. I think just having others to talk to that are going through the same things can help. The only advice I can really give you is just to try and over look him. Just love him and let him know you are there for him. My husband also says some pretty hateful things and even though they hurt I try and over look them.

I don't have any advice. I've been living with my boyfriend who has PTSD for about 8 months now. We recently got engaged. I love him very much but every day is a struggle and sometimes I feel as though I can't live like this anymore. He is usually really good to me but sometimes he gets in his moods and it is just horrible. I have anxiety and get anxiety attacks sometimes. When he gets in his moods it will usually end in a fight with me getting an anxiety attack. He will just wake up some days and decide that he is afraid to get hurt and so he will treat me horrible in order to pretect himself. The bad thing about that is that it hurts me. Sometimes I know that it's the PTSD but sometimes he says some really mean things and I dont' know which of them is him and which is the PTSD. I'm not sure what I'm looking for by posting this but I guess I'm just looking for someone that knows what I am going through and can help me to understand. Oh and I am now 5 weeks pregnant which makes me super emotional and all this is sucking even more. If anyone is going through the same thing please e-mail me at rachael_griego@yahoo.com.