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Living With the One You Love Who Suffers With Ptsd

I will start off by saying it is not easy living with someone who is suffering from PTSD.  I am an easy going, happy, love life and people but dealing with this daily takes it's toll.  I love my husband with all my heart.  I have to walk around him on egg shells because I don't know when the next time is he is going to blow up.  His mood swings go from being happy one minute to being down the next and angry the next.  I never know what to expect.  I am a very positive person and he is always so negative.  He has asked me several times why I am still with him.  Well I am still with him because deep down I know he can't help this because he is not well.  I truly do love him with all my heart.  On December 18, 2004 his unit came under attack in Iraq.  It was not the attack that caused the PTSD as much as it was seeing his friends wounded and hurt.  He won't talk to me about anything that happened to him over in Iraq and I know if you keep stuff inside it will eat away at you.  I know I am just rambling here but I need to find people who are going through the same things with maybe some ways to help.  I was driving an 18 wheeler and had to come off the road to take care of him because sometimes he shuts down on me and he won't get out of the bed for anything but to go to the rest room.  We go to the VA hospital about four times a month for his appointments and their answer is to keep shoving more drugs at him (which he does not take).  He seems to be getting angrier and angrier.  I am now leaving my local job and going back to driving a truck because no one will really hire him and money has to come in somewhere other than a little part-time minimum wage job.  I don't like the idea of going back on the road but what choice do I have.  I was working two jobs and running myself down.  I am always tired and sick.  I have lost my appetite and I am starting to lose a lot of weight.   When he lashes out at me he says some pretty cold things.  Every time he blows up at me I end up the one crying and hurt and he runs to his mother.  She hates my guts because of the lies he tells her about me.  I don't know what else I can say here.  If anyone can help or has any ideas please tell me.  Leaving him is not an answer.  I married him for better or worse through sickness and in health.  We will be married 11 years the 20th of this month.  We have been with each other for 14 years.  He is a very good person, he would give you the shirt off his back unless you do him wrong.  We don't have any friends to hang out with because he won't go around people hardly.  It is hard to even get him to go shopping with me.  We will get in the store and he will tell me he has to go sit outside because he can't handle it.  When he got out of the Army he bought a farm in the middle of no where in Arkansas just to be away from people.  I love it here but I am such a people person I miss being around people.  That is the biggest reason I don't want to drive a truck because it is so lonely.  Well I guess I have said enough for now.  Thank you for your time. 

Hello everyone.  I know I have not been here in a while but I started driving a semi again and I was now just able to get Internet service for my laptop.  My house is boarded up and the electricity is shut off and my husband is on the truck with me.  No things have not gotten any better.  They have gotten a little worse.  He has his days where he is real sweet and will get out and help me with things on the truck and such but then there are days where I can't even get him out of the bunk and up front with me for company.  He has been a big help on the truck and it is nice having him with me.  If I leave him at the house he won't take care of things or his self so it is just less expensive and easier to have him on the truck with me.  He has gotten so mad at me that he has gotten his clothes and got out of the truck and left.  One night I was under a load that had to be delivered the next day.  I had stopped that night in Jackson, Mississippi to take my ten hour break.  See truck drivers can only work 14 hours a day, drive 11 hours within that 14 hours and then have to take a 10 hour break.  It all has to be logged.  Well he blew up and got his stuff and left.  Yes I was worried.  He was going to try and walk all the way back home to Arkansas.  He took off walking down the highway.  Well the police stopped him about ten miles away and told him he could not be out walking down the highway.  They made him go to a gas station.  He called his mother and she called me wanting to know what was going on and accusing me.  Then his brother called me.  Now when I am on my ten hour break I cannot move this truck.  I can get in a lot of trouble and even lose my job.  His mother is a truck driver too and she knows this but she did not care she told me you better get off your *** and go get my son.  From 5PM until 3AM I dealt with the phone calls and such from his mother and brother.  I called my company and told them what was going on and they told me to keep them posted.  I called a cab and asked them how much it would be to get my husband and bring him back to the truck.  It cost me 60 dollars and then they still did not go pick him up so I called the local police and they called the cab company to tell them that they were there with my husband and that it was a legit call.  Then I called my company and borrowed the money from them to pay for the cab.  Needless to say the load was late and I got in trouble but I was lucky I did not lose my job.  He has gotten out of the truck a couple of times since and taken off walking.  This last time he got out I went in and called my dispatcher and talked to her for a while and told her I was going to go ahead and leave.  I told her when I got back to the truck if he was not there then there was nothing I could do.  I got back to the truck and he was not there.  I left and when I got to the truck stop exit and was sitting at the stop sign waiting to turn he came up and hit my door.  I let him back in the truck and we went on our way.  He also plays a lot of head games.  I hate head games with a passion.  If I don't do what he tells me to do when he tells me to do it all hell breaks loose.  No he is not on any meds.  He has them but they are at the house and he refuses to take them.  He also has not been to the doctor in a very long time.  We have not been back to the house since May.  Yes I have had to give all my pets up.  I don't like my job but I have to work.  I am starting to wonder if someone with PTSD ever gets better.  He is always telling me that I need drama to be happy but that is not true it is the other way around.  We met a truck driver one day while we were broke down and had pizza with him and made a friend and all.  Well a few days later he turned and showed his true colors and tried to say that my husband was trying to take his girlfriend from him.  Yeah the guy turned out to be a real fruit loop.  Well he kept text messaging us saying some pretty hateful things and my husband kept back at him and kept reading them to me.  I told him I did not want to hear it and please just turn the phone off or just ignore the weirdo.  No he just could not leave it alone they kept going back and forth and he kept reading the messages to me.  I hate stress and strife.  I don't need it.  This job is already stressful enough and when a truck driver is stressed out like that it then can become very dangerous.  I wish I could give you others some hope and I sure do hope things are getting better for you but me and mine it's not getting any better just getting worse.

I came off the road in Feb. as a Truck Driver. We have to get back into the VA for help. My husbands PTSD just seems to get worse and worse. I really don't see what anyone can do to help him. I hear so many stories about this and I really wish I could help. All I can do is be here for the ones who need to talk or vent. I really feel for everyone that has to live with this. I feel for our men and women who served for our country and now have to deal with this. It must be a really, really scary thing to have. You know its not just our soldiers that suffer from this. Any traumatic experience can cause PTSD. A car accident, beating, war, etc.  My husband sleeps a lot now. If I don't get him up he will stay in bed. He shuts down on me a lot more now too. Your letters touch me and I really do want to keep in contact. It helps to have someone to talk to that knows what you are going through. I guess right now until they find something that helps we can be here for each other. Just don't give up. Keep fighting this. I tell myself all the time when my husband is hateful to me or snaps at me it is just the illness talking and not him. 

rondat rondat 41-45, F 67 Responses Dec 7, 2007

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I have ptsd I can relate to your husband's symptoms and im so sorry for what you endure. Your a good woman standing by his side. He needs to continue therapy and support groups and that would not be a bad idea for yourself. God bless you and your family. Hang tight

Wow.this so sounds like my life. Other than I'm not a truck driver and I also care for my parents.and my father is a vet also. I feel so alone.I lost my husband years ago to this disease..

I applaud you on telling your story. I wanted to share mine as I am actually a husband with a wife diagnosed with PTSD (very toxic family situation combined with abuse when she was young). We've been together for 13 years, married for almost 5 (I hope we make it to 5), with a young child at home.<br />
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The problem with my how this has impacted my wife is that it seems like I am talking to two different people sometimes. I watch our daughter while working from home full-time and my wife leaves the house M-F for her job, so I'm basically left with most of the responsibilities as well as child care for a bulk of the day. When I ask for things to be more fair she explodes and asks about her needs. I'll admit, we're not nearly as intimate as we used to be and it is mainly because I am so stressed from taking care of our child and my own job that at the end of the day I don't have it in me to seduce anyone, most nights I stay up past midnight just to finish my day of work so I'll be ready for the next day. So I average 4-5 hours of sleep a night, she gets 8-9, I work more hours weekly, and I take care of our little one most of the time... and when I say this is killing me, that I need more sleep, that I need more help, it always comes back on me not doing this or not being intimate enough or not planning date nights...<br />
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I feel like many of you here, I love my wife with all my heart and when she is having a 'good' period I can see it from her, I can see it all the time when she is with our little one, but if she gets triggered I have to do everything in my power (even agreeing when she says stuff which isn't true, makes up a version in her head of what I'm doing despite me telling her otherwise and then reacts to me as if her version is true, etc.) to diffuse the situation, otherwise I know it's going to turn into a hatefest with me as the target and anything wrong I've done over the last 13 years being used as evidence. But what is worse, and I don't know if people can identify with this.. maybe I'll just give the example. Back over a year ago we had some fights (similar, I'm working, we have the baby, but she is complaining she doesn't get enough free time despite me staying up until all hours just to finish my daily work for my job), and part of that fight was her saying she was going to leave and do things on her own, so since it was so damn absurd (she wants more time for hobbies, I'm begging for time so I can do the job which is paying for everything) I wouldn't support her whatsoever. So in the argument this weekend she brings that up but won't acknowledge the context or the fact that my statement was along the lines of "If you're saying that I can't get more help with the only job bringing money into the house but you'll leave to get more time for your hobbies, no, I won't support you at all because that is rediculous." The only part that survives at all is "I won't support you at all" and that is all she will acknowledge of the entire situation. Very similar situations happen all the time where a few words I said get picked out and used as ammo while she ignores the entire context of the argument, usually stemming from her doing something unreasonable and me putting my foot down rather than walk on eggshells around it.<br />
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This is not easy to deal with, I wouldn't wish this type of thing on my worst enemy. I love my wife, I love my family, but I'm realistically looking at walking away from it all because my life has become work and take care of our kid and then get talked down to because I'm too tired at the end of the day, but with zero offer of help from the person getting 2x more sleep than I do on the average night. It's toxic and killing our relationship and sometimes I wonder if her disorder is stronger than our marriage. She isn't even wearing her wedding ring right now-- edit, it's back on, looks like this episode is over as we got to talk over things to some extent. Bit by bit, ya know?

I'm story to hear about your husband. Mine was diagnosed PTSD 2 years ago
As well as a recovering heorin addict. We have a 3 year old son. He works alot,
so most days it is me and my son at home. Since I got laid off in March. When I was working he constantly accussed me of sleeping with men at work. Now it is compaining that I'm home allday texting or calling or on Facebook.

Rondat, we were in the same position about 2 years before my husband's 20th year in the Army. Things were so bad at home, it was on the edge of breaking us apart. We sought help from mental health on post but they are so overburdened, so overextended that there was no room for us but 1/2 hour a day every 2 weeks. As we all know, our spouses can't open up to anyone, have a hard time dealing with talking to anyone about this so it takes longer than a half hour each time to open up. Just as my husband began to trust in this guy, the army transferred him and wanted him to start over with someone new. Through a friend, we found out about SAFE.org and owe my husband's life to them. At no cost to us, we have seen a counselor that was matched to us based on the interview they gave us as a couple. Our counselor has turned our life around by driving to the heart of the problem and all with out meds. I know every case is different and maybe some needs meds but it seems the mental health on post is on a beeline for that treatment only. Our counselor at SAFE.org dealt with the problem that caused his issues which became our issues. No one understands what this is like unless they are going through it or have gone through it, not even people that are in the military and think they get it.
Please contact SAFE.org and ask for help in your area. They will direct you to the closest help for you they can find. It's a one day at a time, deal with it every day issue and there are some days that are two steps forward or two steps back but eventually you start to walk. God bless you and don't let life go.

My husband is active Army and returned from his fifth combat deployment with severe PTSD. At first, I mistook it for reintegration quirks like he had the four previous times. But it quickly escalated into really total insanity. Drinking two bottles of rum a week plus 12 pack of beer every night to sleep. ****, ****, more ****. Even downloading it on his cell phone at work in the parking lot to relieve stress. Rage. Any little thing turned him into a 6'2 four year old. Punching walls, slamming on brakes yards yadda. When he got orders for his sixth deployment in eleven years he lost it locked himself in his truck with a loaded hand gun and threatened to kill himself for hours. I was terrified to call 911 because he said if they showed up, he'd shoot.
Fast forward past absolutely no help from his command I finally got my husband into counseling and on meds. Slowly, the man I married 18 years ago is coming back, but I am coming to the realization he will likely never be whole.
Luckily, like you, I work. I doubt he will be able to hold down a job in the future. His memory is atrocious, and he is so easily frustrated even Garrison life is too much for him. He is so close to retirement they won't med board him so we are on our own.
Like you, I worry about leaving him alone while I work. I have to make him bathe, get his hair cut etc. The house can be full of food he would starve to death unless I cook it.
It takes a huge toll on you emotionally. Try to practice extreme self care. Whatever works for you. Get a massage, get your hair done, go for a walk. I know they can be very obsessive about us and our time, but you have to keep yourself whole.

God bless you for staying and caring. If you feel it in your heart add me to your circle. I am a vet also and have PTSD and experienced a TBI would love to chat.

My husband has PTSD from a trauma suffered during childhood. We have been together for 13 years and have a two year old son. I had tried to cope with his PTSD our entire relationship but now my son is being exposed to his behavior and I just don't think I can continue. He is in therapy (just started 9 months ago) and trying to get help but I dont see it. He abused pot and booze but cant use that crutch now we have a child. I am so lonely and depressed myself. I feel like we are just going to hurt our son in the long run if this situation doesn't change. This is why I am here. Looking to find others who are in a similar situation. Our husbands are good men, they love us but PTSD makes them act this way. Thats why it is hard to give up, he needs me and if I left I cannot imagine what he would do or how he would cope. That is a lot of pressure for anyone to take. I am a caregiver to my son AND my husband. I have no one to support me or my issues. I cant have a bad day or be mad or just lay in bed. I have to be strong. I long for my husband to care for me, to reach out and support me. I am so close to leaving I just want to enjoy some of my life. My life is all work, the only joy I have is my son. He is my whole universe and I want his daddy better for him. He deserves a dad that wants to go out and play and take him places and be there for him.

i My husband has unspecified (real trauma at a young age, but not war related )PTSD and the volatility is the same. I think sometimes I have been called to be here for him, to be the one who doesn't give up on him. I've been told that I need to give up, so that my own life can be fulfilled.

I feel the same.. I am here to be his support. He needs me.. he doesn't show it all the time. && sometimes he makes it hard but I can't give up on him..for better or worse right? Right.

A year ago I met a wonderful man, an army veteran with PTSD. He drives a flat bed over the road. At first things were fantastic the support he gave me as I was going through a rough patch in life and the loving text messages while he was on the road. I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him. Lately things have changed. His work has slowed down due to the winter months, he is not bringing home the money he is used to, I work 7 days a week. He is also facing some health issues and some legal ones too.
I don't know what to do, I have seen the loving and kind side of his heart and soul; but know all I see and hear is his anger and frustration. I know in my head it's not personal, but it hurts to have him lash out verbally at me when all I have ever done is love and support him...
Any suggestions?

This previous story is so true, in fact I go through alot of similar things myself with my husband. He developed ptsd about 6 years ago after getting into a bar fight. The bar maid was being harassed by some guys and my husband and the owner of the bar were trying to defend her, and the one guy who was harassing the barmaid almost hit her, and I guess things got really tough after that due to the fact more guys came back and beat up the owner and my husband. Alot of times I despise going into any store with my husband because we can be having a good day and then he'll get mad over something I said and he'll accuse me of always starting a fight with him. The way he talks to people is unheard of, and last night he was on the phone with his boss and our little girl was getting whiny because she hadn't seen her daddy all day because he was at a football game, and he started yelling at her because she kept following him in the house and he wouldn't give her the time of day. I simply told him that she just wanted to spend some time with him, but he always says I make up excuses for everything.

I say these things to him because alot of times we'll talk about certain subjects and he doesn't want to talk about somethings and then he blocks me out and then shuts down and that's it. We've been together for 4 years and married almost 3, and I feel like I babysit him half the time. Ever since I met him he's never had a secure job, and it always seems like he works for people but it's short lived. I was working full time until 2011 when I lost my job and then I've been at home taking care of the family. He's so forgetful and he can't retain anything I ask of him to do around the house. I get really upset for how he is, but then that's when I pray alot for my family and ask God to steer me in the direction that he wants me to be in. I moved an hour away from my hometown in 2009 and it seems like over the years things have gotten worse with his ptsd. I love him but don't know what to say to him anymore, and honestly I really don't ask him to go places with me very much because it turns out to be a disaster. I love our kids, but I get frustrated when he's always trying to start an argument. Sometimes I wonder if we'll even be together when our kids get older, but I guess God knows what's best for us.

Maybe if he could read the post or letters from others with PTSD and talk with them? That might help. Or maybe you could possibly find some of the men he was stationed with and reunite them?

We got into a fight today over, of all things, chocolate chip cookies. I told him I would make some, but I was busy right at that moment. I was in a foul mood... He hounded me until I snapped at him, which is something I really try to avoid. He started with the profane name calling and then threw a butcher knife at me. Luckily he missed me, hitting the metal back door, and actually bending the knife blade. He then got right in my face telling me how I did this by setting off his PTSD. I took his house keys, and told him to leave. He packed up and moved out. I told him he can come back after he gets help and goes back on his meds. Ever since he stopped his medication the incidents are getting worse and more frequent. The worst part... He did all of this in front of his 7 year old. *sighs* I just want to have a normal moment...

I feel you; He also blames me for everything even the weight he has gained. I try to cross examine and well show him by conversing, is that so? so is not because you shove food or he now started to smoke this synthetic weed? I feel you and all of us I love the good side to him but when they are set off, which they blames us on, they go over board...

sometimes its the spouces dishonesty that creates a part of the PTSD.Not JUST one combat deployment too many!!! there are more than one side to the story.

I am always wrong. They way I do everything is wrong. I park the car wrong, so I have to re-park it properly. I don't pack things right, so he makes me repack it. I don't fold right, so I have to get a lesson from him. I don't know how to cook that, so he has to teach me how to do "something so simple". I don't know how to wash this, so he throws things away and makes me buy new things to teach me the value of listening to him. He even told me I wash my hair wrong... We canned peaches from his old peach tree last night. He was screaming 2 inches from my ear and punches the refrigerator, making his knuckles bleed...Why? Because I was telling him he needs to listen to me and read the directions. This morning...The tape labels on the jars I made aren't uniform, and my handwriting is deplorable. *Sighs* just another day in paradise.

Hi. My husband was an Army Ranger. He's always had PTSD... I mean since the war. Drinks a case of beer a day, never sleeps, is NEVER wrong. Sometimes I feel like he runs around doing everything just so that he can say that he does everything. I've watched all of the war movies and listened to the stories over, and over again. When we first met he'd been out of the Army for a few years, but then things started to change. At first he was very attentive, very kind and really swept me off my feet. We got married, bought a house and he took a job doing private security contracting in Iraq. He'd get to come home a few times a year but he seemed happy. Since he quit that job, which he blames me for, he's been a nightmare. It's so bad I don't even know who I am anymore... almost like he's destroying my identity. He told me the other day that he hates his life. He's said a million times "I used to be somebody, you know?" I try to convence him he is someone, but it doesn't work. He's driving himself crazy and he's killing me. All that from a man you love more than life.

My husband and I recently married about two months ago but we've been together for five years. I met him after he returned from Iraq with injuries so I have only known him this way. He suffers from PTSD among other things. I'm usually a very happy go lucky, friendly, outgoing person but these past five years, I feel like my spirit has died. My husband goes from extremely sweet to extremely cruel in seconds. Anything triggers him and there is no talking to him when he is like that. It's so hard for me to believe that he is even the same person from one minute to the next. There are no boundaries. He says very hurtful things and I have never cried so much in my entire life. I feel hopeless and tired. I stay with him by justifying that he is ill and it's not his fault but I just don't know how long I can take this. I love him, more than I've ever loved anyone but I'm exhausted. I want to be happy. I want to have friends again and I don't want my family to think I'm crazy for being with him. My mom says I deserve better and I know I do but I can't make myself leave him. I feel like he needs me even though when he gets in those moods, he says leave if I don't like it and that he could walk out on me like it was nothing. He can't even be around my three boys without getting angry from their noise and normal childish play. I feel so lost and lonely. This comments all sound too familiar. :(

Today is June 28th. He didn’t remember that… Not just the day…but the month… or the year.<br />
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They opened the firework stands. He went up to put away some things, and didn’t come back down. I know he was tired, so I didn’t think anything of it. A few hours later I put my daughter to bed, and came into the bedroom. It was pitch black, but I could faintly see the figure by the only window in the room. Very still. Dressed in a combat vest… pistol in a chest holster, shotgun in his hands. Finger not on the trigger but at the ready… alert, anxious… caged. I walked over, talking loudly so as not to startle him, but I had to raise my voice to just under a yell. With that he looked a me and nothing in his eyes recognized me. I stepped back to make him comfortable, and myself as well. I stood several feet away singing quiet, familiar songs. After 3, he finally had a glimmer of recognition for my face. I came closer. Always soft and calm, but direct, using his name often. “Do you know where we are?” a slow nod seen from the shadow. “We’re home. Do you know what time of year it is?” silence from the shadows except for the brush of his hand over the gun metal. “They just opened the fireworks stands… the 4th of July is almost here…the boys down the street are playing with their firecrackers.” The whites of his eyes flash briefly in the moonlight now peaking into the window. “Do you know what’s outside that window?” A shake of his head is barely noticeable, a faint no. “The cottonwood tree we hate… and the neighbor’s dog, Daisy. And probably that old cat from across the street.” My eyes have adjusted to the dark, and now I see the ammo clips, the flack vest, and the eyes of a man oceans away still. “The gun is really looking good…you’re taking such good care of it.” *A soldier is only as good as his weapon* he says, his eyes dropping a moment to the shotgun in his grip. “Then you mist be an amazing man,” I said gently “It’s in amazing shape.” He nodded, slightly more obviously this time. “Are you thirsty? Do you need anything?” *Reinforcements.* and his eyes dart back out to the darkness. “I’ve secured the house, and I have your back. It will be ok.” I cross to the door “I’m turning on the light now…” Now I see him, eyes sunken and dark, alert, and anxious. I cross the room “May I touch you?” He thinks a minute… then nods his assent slowly; I lay my hand on him. We sit in silence, my hand on his arm. Slowly…after many minutes pass he looks down. *I can’t remember the day… or the month. The lady at the VA looked at me strange for it.* I nodded and told him. “It’s ok if they don’t understand. I do.” He started to lean on me slightly. I turned on Loreena Mckennitt. As the hours passed his gun was put away… the shoes came off. Finally he slept, pistol strapped to his chest, hand on the grip like a child with a blanket after a storm.<br />
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He can't change what he is, what this life made him... and I won't love him less for it.

Hi<br />
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Youre storry hits home with me. My dad is Vietnam vetran and has ptsd. He had it before september 11th attacks but it got worse after. I know how you feel and it is fustratin. <br />
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They have my dad on so many meds and when he takes them for a while he will be ok then after a while they dont work as good so he trys to adjust them himself or quits taking them all together.<br />
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The mood swings are the worse and even worse when my brother who is a bipolar addict acts up.<br />
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I dont even undetstand PTSD let alone try to explin to others why they act the way they act.<br />
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I have heard of a book callee"the ptsf cure". Have not read yet but heard it is good book. Heck i will take any help we can get.

I really think my boyfriend has PTSD, I'm am reading your stories and so many of them fit to a T. He can be totally fine one second and then he has certain triggers that I have to try and remember that make him snap. I love him so much but it can be hard work right now. I see him driving himself mad going through different senarios in his head and he has crazy dreams that make him wake up really anxious and so he ends up waking me up so it makes that hard too. Some really bad stuff happened in his childhood and im really sure that this is what it is. I hate having to walk on eggshells with him sometimes and I know he hates being like that too. I just dont really know how to help him anymore. I have got really good at working out how is mind is going to work and how to talk to him to calm him down but it is just pretty exahusting at times and feels like a full time job. I really just want to know if there is anything that I can do to make things a bit better because I love him.

I have been married to a Disabled Vietnam Veteran for 25 years, who also suffers from PTSD. I wish I could tell you all that it gets better, but that would not be the truth. It becomes manageable. Through the years, we have had our ups and downs, as he is also Jekyll and Hyde. I too, am a very upbeat person. The years have taken quite a toll on me also. They will always fill them full of Meds, enough to make them a zombie. My husband does not take all the Meds, but he drinks and that is a deadly combination. I think through the years I have learned how to let him have his bad days, ignoring all the insults and derogatory remarks. In other words, he goes his way and I go mine. He too is a very kind man. He is very unselfish, on good days, and would also give you the shirt off his back. He lets me have anything I want, as far as material things go. I guess it's his way of saying thank you for putting up with me. I love him dearly as do the rest of you. I wish I could give you some positive advice. Anytime you have a chance to go out with friends or loved ones, please go. Find something that helps you relax, whether it be reading, walking or just watching a good movie. You are very important! On good days, you are his reason for living. Please try to find a healthy balance! The best of luck to you all, I know how difficult this is ...

as some on with ptsd .... i honestly dont think there is a up side .. the pain and anger is overwelming ... the pain of ppl dieing due to you now seeing what was gonna happen .... the only thing in the world that even makes my smile is my kids ..... seing them happy and hearing them laugh makes the world better for that time .... but i cant stand to be around my wife anylonger i dont know what to do ... i quit all drungs when i was a teenager but when i got back i just wanted to feel better ... i drink now to feel better also but things as simple as a song or a though tears me up ... i dont deal with sadness very well ... it just turn to anger and i cant stop it ... i just though knowing how we feel may help somewhat ... sry to highjack your forum

Mine is like so many here... He has PTSD. He is 80% disabled with it, combined with major depression. He had a violent few years before we met, and was a very heavy drinker. He would overdo the pills they gave him and if I felt afraid, and snuck away after he passed out he would freak out on me flood my phone with calls of how disrespectful I was and demand I come back...which I would. Once, he was so angry, I was afraid he might kill me. I actually wrote a message to my family and the police and left it on my computer in case I didn't come back. He got much better after this last round of medication, and we moved in together. Since that time, he won't let me have friends. he's paranoid of everyone that comes over, even the Schwan man. He says he doesn't like the way he looks at me. I had to get a ride home from a coworker and he was demanding I take a cab. I thought it was silly to spend $50 when someone offered to do it for free, so I took the ride, and he accuses me of wanting to have sex with the man, and spitting on his feelings by taking that ride. We can't go too many places because he doesn't like crowds. I work a corporate job, and I can pull long hours sometimes. If I'm working late it upsets him, and he will get short with me over that. Every morning he begs me not to go to work, but my car broke down tonight, and he was all over me to get on it so I can get to work tomorrow. I was trying to call the tow truck and he wouldn't stop lecturing me. I finally had to hang up on him so I could make the call, and he screamed at me when I got home. I asked the neighbors if I could borrow some tools to fix my car, and he freaked out over that saying I was showing weakness, and that's unacceptable. He made me go upstairs because the site of my face makes him so angry he wants to break sh*t. He wouldn't stop screaming at me. He says really mean things when he's in these moods. He had to stop drinking a few months ago because his liver is starting to fail, but he also went off all of his meds at the same time, and I can't get him to go back on them. He's been crazy without them. He is always criticizing me, telling me to do things another way...nothing is ever right. I pulled the car in the driveway last week and he told me to pull back out and back in. I told him I didn't want to. He said I need to keep it combat ready. I told him we aren't at war, he shouts in my face "WE ARE IN A WAR EVERY DAY!" I have no friends...My family thinks I'm crazy for staying with him, and they are concerned for me. He's never hurt me physically, but he's had moments I was afraid of. I don't have friends, and he is jealous of everyone I talk to. He is not like this all the time, but enough that I know my anxiety issues are partly because of this. Before he quit drinking, he'd have a bad day, and drink everything in the house. Then he'd call old war buddies and talk till he passed out. Once, during a drunken call, he went to bed. I went in to find him passed out with the phone, so I covered him up and took the phone, told his friend he was sleeping. At that point he wakes up, accuses me of putting him to bed so I can talk to other guys and demands to know who I'm talking to. He refused to believe he made the call himself. I feel like I'm loosing my mind sometimes. He threatens to leave and it's all I can do to keep from saying, good luck and helping him pack. I don't want him to go, he is a good man...but these mood swings are making me an absolute wreck. I'm not really asking for anything from anyone...but I can't talk to anyone about this, and thanks to him, I don't have any friends anymore. They few I had don't talk to me because of him. They are afraid that talking to me will cause me more problems. I know he's sick...but I wish he'd go back on his medicine. 2 1/2 years of this and I'm shell shocked on nights like tonight. At least he's not drinking anymore. *sighs*

my husband has ptsd from his Afghanistan trips two years ago exactly. he got his discharge through months ago and has gone completely downhill. we have been married for a year and together for 2 . I love him with all my heart. he is my soul mate. <br />
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lately he has been really bad and i think it sort of corresponds with him getting his discharge through. he keeps saying how he regrets discharging everyday and now suddenly he has been really distancing himself again. so much so that he went far enough to tell me last night that he doesn't love me anymore. the problem is he doesn't feel many emotions anymore. i'm at my wits end with him. i have thought about calling his mum or his sister and telling them how bad he has actually been because he doesn't tell them but i don't know how that could help. maybe they could talk to him. <br />
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this isnt the first time he has been like this and last time he was put on pills that lasted about 4-5 months til they stopped working. they were wonderful months. we barely fought we were just like newly weds should be. now we're back to square one again.<br />
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I am going to go with him to his psych appointment on friday to better understand whats going on

I know how you feel. I recently just reconnected with a good friend of mine and he too is sufferring from PTSD. It's very hard because one moment he tells me he loves me very much, then he tells me he likes me. Then there are times where I would not hear from him then if I don't text him or call him, he would tell me that I don't care anymore. He travels and I wouldn't hear from him then he would pop out of nowhere. I cut him off so many times but my heart tells me to deal with him. And we are still pretty much talking and stuff but the changes and all that is really taking a toll on me. I have no clue, today we just had an argument and it started off as I was really getting confused with him. His memory has seemed to just gotten worse and I am really worried...I want to let him go but I really care about him so much. Any advice?

I'm sorry but I really don't have any advice. It is not an easy thing to put up with at all. Seems like my husband just gets worse and worse. I wish I could give you some light at the end of a tunnel but I don't see any. I can be here for you if you need to talk.

I hate that I put up with it but my love for my bf is so much more and I am so so so glad I am not alone. It started to drive me crazy so I finally looked it up and brought me here. I can relate to almost everyone here and I have no one to talk to..I keep my relationship buisness to myself when it comes to family but sometimes when i wanted someone to talk to i went to couple friends and they just dont understand they dont know how i put up with things and that im better off...but no matter how much pain i feel at times in all honesty i believe id be miserable if i left the one i love because he suffers from this and no matter how much he says hurtful things and that he doesnt need me I know hed be a wreck without me and i cant say how much i will take but i cant imagine leaving knowing he needs me there. I dont want to be his aid but I have some faith and I pray and I hope that he gets better because if its worth it i want to be there when he does get better. Hes a good man hes never done me wrong hes responsible and when its good words cant describe. Out of all my relationships like the ones that didnt last because they did me wrong well this one has been the most serious and hardest relationship iv been in and it drives me crazy because I love this man more than he knows. anyways reading everyones experience makes me feel stronger than i thought.

I know what each and every one of you are going through.. It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel but it's there. I've talked to several of my husbands squad mates.. The anger and such will dissipate but never go away completely. Every day it seems my husband looses a little bit of the sparkle he once had. I lose a little piece of him to the war every day.. we dont even sleep in the same room anymore. But patience is the key. no matter the hateful things spoken, the bad dreams, and screaming, the distance, there is always hope for the same person to rise up and finally say im not going to let ptsd stop me from living. Its hard to see the one you love struggle so much day and night. But the only thing you can do is be there when they are ready to fight.. Do research on their medicine. Find people going through the same thing to talk to. Do absolutely whatever it takes. I get divorce thrown in my face atleast once a day but I know it isn't my husband really saying it.. He told me the other night he wasn't sure if he was in love with me anymore. But all i can do is live day to day knowing that maybe one day I will have him back.. His ptsd was not a gradual thing. it slammed us in the face one day and has been going downhill since. But there is always hope...

I just wanted to let you all know that living with someone with PTSD is not easy. I am married to one myself. However, the best advice I can give you all is to be there for support. It has been my experience that someone who is suffering for PTSD is that many people turn thier backs on them(especially our goverment at time. However, I know that many of you probably to not have the time to do research on the subject of PTSD but my suggestion would be to learn about the disorder. In my relationship there are days that are good and days that are not. However, all I can say is be there for support. It works wonders alot. I am a psychology major. My hope is to eventually work with veterans and thier families on how to cope with this disorder but for now the biggest thing anyone can do is be there for them.

I can relate to all of this :( I HATE PTSD!

I am married to an Iraq war Army Infantry veteran. My husband is over 100% dissabled with PTSD and TBI (traumatic brain injury) of corse you cant get compensation for over 100% so... whatever. My husband sees a counselor and goes to group meetings. He preferes the solo meeting with the counselor. He has also just been prescribed a generic brand of methadone for his headaches. I am not too happy about that, but if it helps his headaches then I guess its better. He was also put on an anti anxiety pill, I can't remember the name of it, it's new also. <br />
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We thought the anxiety pills were helping. He says that he feels happy while he takes them and a little silly, but this is the second day of him taking them and he had the first bad flashback in months. He was just simply helping one of his friends bandage his foot up when all of the sudden he said he felt like he was being flashed all sorts of "alternate lives" including some of his war incidents. He wasn't coherent and it was like he was on a completely different planet. He kept asking where he was and where everyone else was. Then he said that he was hearing Jesus but that it wasn't jesus. He said the man looked like Jesus but was very forcefull and asking questions. He kept claiming that it was evil and then wouldn't come in the house because he didn't want to bring it inside. I finally got him inside and in bed and he continued to ask questions about where he was. I put on some soothing music and reasured him that he was home and that he was safe. He kept saying that somehow he was unlocking some sort of information in the cosmos and that he was connected somehow. He just went to bed and I am jsut really worried about him. He has never had a 'flashback' like this. It wasn't even really a flashback. More like halucination. <br />
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He really is a good guy and a good parent when his mood swings arn't getting the better of him. He makes sure everyone feels like they are loved and wanted. But all that kinda goes out the window when he gets upset.<br />
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I find that I have to completely plan my day around him and his mood swings. If it is a bad day, then I have to drop just about everything in order to help him to releve the stress. We have three kids and very often they set off most of his 'outbursts'. Thankfully he is never violent and is able to channel his anger out through target shooting or beating on his punching dummy or simply going for a drive. He used to drink a lot but has quit pretty much all together because it just makes his ptsd worse. <br />
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I have been getting extremely stressed out just from coping with the mood swings. He says hurtful things and then appologises soon after but expects everything to be okay and says that he never means anything that he says when he is in those moods. It makes me so angry that he can just mouth off and then get away with it because he has tbi and ptsd. I usually just give in and appologise but let him know how it made me feel. I mean, there isn't much else I can do. I could keep being angry with him, but that just makes things worse. <br />
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It is hard to say things around him, even when I am not joking around. He just doesn't seem to understand what I say. I am using perfect grammer and speaking clear english, but he interprets it in a way that always makes it sound like I am out to get him. Everything anyone says is always turned around and taken in as something bad, something they didn't even say. One of the hardest things for me is all the negativity. I have never met such a negative person in my life. I think throughout the whole day he says maybe 10 positive things. Everything else is negative. I am a happy and go lucky person and an optimist but it is getting harder for me to be so optimistic the longer that I am around him. <br />
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Going out in public is always a gamble. Somedays he is excelent and brushes off rude comments or gestures but most days, the slightest disrespect (or just misinterpreted disrespect) has him seeing red and he wants to fight whoever said it or shout at them until they want to fight him. It is so embarasing to me and the kids. Generally he does this less around the kids, but it still happens. However sometimes I am amazed with just how well he handles himself. It is almost like being married to two different people.<br />
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If anyone can relate to the recent flash back that I mentioned or give me some kind of advice on how to get him out of those flashbacks, please let me know.