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At The End Of My Rope

My Husband is a Vietnam War Veteran and he was wounded while serving over there. He is in his middle 60's and I am 49.  We have been together for 4  1/2 years. The first two years were "okay", but these last 2 1/2 have been hell. He is like Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde and I never know what kind of mood he is going to be in when he walks in or out the door.  He will be fine one minute, and moody and hateful the next.  He is going to PTSD group sessions at the local Vet Center here in town. We are also going to marriage counseling once a week for the last 6 weeks.  I am about to lose my mind. I walk around on egg shells most of the time, but there are times when I just get sick of his attitude and I stand up for myself and the argument is on.  Enough is enough.  I want to have empathy for him but there are times when I just can't muster the understanding. Who is there for me helping me? Noone. 

I want to leave him every other day. But I can't. I love him, and the guilt of leaving him kills me. But living with him and his mood swings are also killing me.  My counselor gave me a book called "Tears of a Warrior" that will shed some light on PTSD. I've had it for several weeks and can't bring myself to open it. Why? Because I'm tired of his PTSD.  I'm tired of dealing with his "moods" and everything that goes along with it.  I wish he would have given me a book on how to Cope with someone with PTSD. I already know the symptoms and the triggers, hell I live it daily!!!  Does it get any better? Is this it for me? Will I always have to go to counseling with him and sit and watch him go down hill? His depression and lack of interest of everything other than sports is driving me nuts.  And forget about having family time. Or friend time. Especially US time.

Try getting close to someone who has PTSD. Not very fun. They are limited on how much they are willing to give back.  It's not fair. I married him for better or for worse and I want to stick it out, but it's getting harder and harder with every breath I take. Someone please give me some advise I can use. I am sooooooooooo at the End Of My Rope with PTSD!!!
vietnamptsd vietnamptsd 46-50, F 2 Responses Nov 2, 2010

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Hi, I've been with my fella for nearly 2 years. He served in Iraq, Ireland and Afghanistan for.10 years. I love him dearly. He is a great boyfriend, and father to his 2 kids.
I know from what he tells me that he wasn't the calmest person before he joined the army and I know for a fact that the army disciplined him, that's not to say they caimed him down. He's been under stress as of late, as have I it came too last night when we argues and he spat at me. I feel like leaving. As I don't know how to cope. Has anyone got any advice??
Laura

I feel like you and I are in the exact same position. We deserve better...but I feel guilty but at the same time I didn't do this to him why am I the one having to deal with it. I want to walk away but I'm afraid for him....I love him I want the best for him and I know thats not going to happen if I do walk away.

I am in the same situation. I read something on another post that helped me a little. She said that even though we didn't go to war, we are serving our country by helping our husbands with their PTSD. Too bad we can't get federal recognition for it. Or get schooling payed for us or something. This is a full time job and we do it for two reasons. 1. We love our husbands and 2. By helping them, we are keeping everyone else safe. My husband has had fits where he just wants to go murder people, but because I am in his life trying my best to help him, he finds other ways to deal with his frustration. We are real life super heros.