My Version Of Dante's Inferno...First of all, let me start by saying my husband and I were together before he ever joined the military. We got married shortly after he got to the fleet and everything was perfect. Then he went to Iraq. My husband was the kind of man who would never call a woman a disrespectful name, not even a *****. Two months into this deployment, **** hit the fan, hard. At the ages of 21 and 20, we had no idea how to handle everything. Needless to say, we seperated for an entire year. That time for me was and still is a big blur. Drinking every chance I could, going to work still drunk and starting again before I would clock out. On our 2 year wedding anniversary, we got back together and I ended up getting pregnant a month and a half later. Worst timing in the world. He was leaving in 4 months to go to Afghanistan. Perfect. Broken relationship, deployment #2, and a baby on the way. Three days before he left, we found out our little bundle of joy was going to be doubled. Twins?! Can this get any better? Never the less, we made it through the entire deployment without a single arguement. Even with pregnancy hormones, and everything he had going on (which I still don't know more than a handful of stories), we made it. 5 days after he came home, our babygirls were born. Life was finally perfect, or so I thought. My first clue something was awry was the night the girls were born. The entire 3 days I was in the hospital, he was there maybe 2 hours total. Would not stay with me. It killed, but I let it go. Things were great for the first month. Then he started sleeping on the floor. The bed was "too uncomfortable" and he felt "more at home" on the floor. Then, it became a bargaining chip. "If you don't shut up, I'm sleeping on the floor tonight." Or first bad night was our first time going to a friends house for the night. There was some drama and the girls needed to go to bed, so I suggested we leave. Everything was perfect, until we laid down to go to sleep. He started telling me I was being a ***** for making him leave early and how he didn't have time to have any fun because as soon as he got back, I had the girls. Completely pissed me off. Like that is controllable? He proceeded to throw EVERYTHING off the bed and told me if I didn't leave, I was next. As you can imagine, my husband also has a ptsd related drinking problem. It is so bad, he literally cannot sleep without alcohol. Everything I do for him feels like it is never good enough. I get stressed out pretty easily with having 3 month old twins. His response? Dyoure a stay at home mom. Its your job." He has also been having anxiety attacks, so when I decide to "be a stay at home mom" and do dishes, I get yelled at for taking away what helps his anxiety. I can't tell him things that bother me, because they get blown out of proportion, talking to a friend is out because "they're our problems and no one needs to know about them". If I update my facebook status and is the slightest bit negative, I again am in the wrong because then I'm being like all the other bitchy women and he doesn't like reading it. This is my only outlet, but he still *******. "All you're going to do on there is ***** about me. Its a website just for people to *****!" He says this, even though it was his cousin that found out about it. I know he would never lay a hand on our children, but he has come pretty close with me. No matter who it is that ****** him off for the day, I am the outlet for his anger. I've been diagnosed with PPD and its very hard to balance all of my emotions, and at least 4 nights out of the week I end up crying myself to sleep. We've contacted the VA to try to set an appointment with a counsilor, but, being the military, its a very slow process. I feel much better just being able to vent, but it shouldn't have to come to an annonomous website to do so. I just want my husband back. The one that was sweet and loving. The one that knew how important the small things are.
icenfire0525 22-25, F 5 Responses 0 Oct 4, 2011