Struggling...

i have never tried looking for support via internet, but i'm out of ideas and willing to try whatever other avenues may exist.  i have been married for 2.5 years to my wonderful, fun-loving husband, only, for the past year, he hasn't been "himself".  i have read a few other stories on this site, and for the first time, i haven't felt "alone".  i am a nurse and have a pretty good understanding of ptsd, symptoms, triggers, etc... but, i cannot help my husband and it pains me terribly.  i have watched him "die" before my eyes for the past six months and my heart hurts more than words can say.  i feel like i walk on eggshells from the minute we wake up to the minute i fall asleep.  i have lost more weight than i can imagine because i simply have no appetite and stress is finally begining to take a very big toll on my health.  i feel like i haven't "communicated" with my husband in months now. he has shut himself off from his friends and family and his family values are/were stronger than anyone's i've ever known.  he asks me repeatedly why i am still with him. he has broken many "things" around our house and the anger is only escalading. i am scared to even open my mouth anymore.  he blames me for ruining his life and tells me daily that i am the "fuel to his fire" and the cause for his anger.  he yells, screams, verbally abuses me, belittles me... and then he cries, apologizes, and asks for forgiveness.  he gave up on counseling, tried medications, but refuses to take them because he has gained weight from them.  i married a wonderful, wonderful man and i understand that he is not "himself" right now, but i have no idea where to go from here. he has been laid off from his job, attends online classes at school, and rarely leaves the house. i have always been the most optimistic person i know, and i always believed the glass was half full, but i am starting to question myself these days.  is there any hope?

dearabby dearabby
26-30, F
Mar 6, 2010