Hopeful...

Just thought I would share my story.  I met my husband 5 years ago right before his 3rd and final tour to Iraq.  Since then we have been through a lot.  There are many positives, we got marriend, had two beautiful children, and bought a home just a year ago.  But during the last 5 years there have also been many negatives.  We have dealt with his drinking problem (which luckily is no longer an issue because he no longer drinks any sort of hard liquor), two emotional affairs, Angry verbal outlashing, and most recently he has been suffering from hallucinations and extreme paranoia.  It is hard to be in a relationship like this.  It is hard to be taking on a majority of the responsablitiy just to make each day run smoothly.  It is hard to try and be so strong all the time.   I have been looking and looking for some sort of online support group, and am so glad I finally stumbled across this website.  I am a stay at home mom and because of our schedules it's very hard to find the time to go to a support group.  After a few recent episodes and an over night stay at the VA hospital he has finally admitted he needs help.  He is not able to keep working at the moment, but they are holding his position for him for as long as he may need. He is attending a PPH group at the VA hospital which 5 days a week, 6 hours a day, for 3 weeks of both group and individual therapy.  They help them find the medications they need to cope, they let them vent and learn from one another, they teach them techniques to deal with their anger, they teach them and those close to them to recognize the signals that an episode is about to happen, and many more wonderful things.  After that he will attend PTSD therapy once to twice a week for as long as he needs. I am so proud of him, and am very hopeful that things will get better.  Luckily our relationship is stronger then ever.  I know I am very lucky.  But I also know that we will be living with, and dealing with this for the rest of our lives.  That this will affect my childrens lives forever.  Everyday is a struggle.  Right now I need support more than ever, and just need a place to vent.  It's hard to take care of everything, including my own mental health.   It's nice to find other who can relate with what I'm going through.  We have a lot of supportive people in our life but I don't want to share everything with them, I don't want them to judge my husband because they can't and won't understand.  So there is my story or a summary of it for now.  It is nice to meet you all.

WifeandMom05 WifeandMom05
22-25
4 Responses Mar 12, 2010

I just took a meditation class at my local jc.. Meditation is a good way to deal ptsd..anytype of meditation.

Yes, I will admit there are a few good doctors at VA. I think it's great you've found some. I wish you only good and I wish I had dealt with it sooner. I kept thinking I could deal with it all on my own. I didn't realize how much I needed friends.

Trust me I know where you're coming from that's why we avoided the VA for the past 3 1/2 years. When we first went in back then all they wanted to do was give him sleep medication and it was suppose to solve all of his problems. We have been very cautious of what we agree is a good step to help with his ptsd and what we want to avoid. In their program he is attending they are offering plenty of life experiences of how other people control their ptsd and also teaching them a lot about knowing when it is getting worse and removing themselves from the stressful situation if necessary. But most importantly techniques to try and control their feelings and emotions instead of feeling so out of control like they have in the past. I know that the VA has A LOT of flaws in their work but you have to be hopeful. There are a few good doctors out there that actually like what they do and want to make a difference. We have dealt with a lot of the opposite, the ones that seem to not really care about the vets but more about a paycheck, but have been lucky enough to meet a few wonderful doctors the past week that really give us hope that they will be able to get him to open up enough and see some benefits from going though all this therapy. So for now that's all we can do, is be hopeful and keep moving forward.

Don't count on the VA helping anything. All they seem to know how to do is hand out drugs. I told them I wanted to learn how deal with my PTSD without drugs, and the looked at me as if I were an alien or something.