We Are Just Different

I fear being alone so much that I do anything I can to make sure that he doesn't ever have a reason to leave. I am lost in him in others in general really. I have always been much happier when I am distracted with someone else's needs or solving their problems and not having to admit and work on mine. It has become so much a part of who I am that I am not sure if I will ever be able to truly do my own thing and be satisfied that I am doing for me what I think maybe others should want to do for me because they love me. In reality it is as if I lack the self worth to become my own person to not care if what I have decided to do with my life is what others would like to see me do. I feel as though I can't do anything right because the truth is no one is ever satisfied with the way someone else does something for them, so all my struggles to make things better for people around me are lost to the fact that no one can ever please you and know exactly how to bring you joy because no one else is you and can't possible ever know you as well as you know yourself so their is bound to always be some small detail that was over looked. I guess this is what the head docs call co-dependency yet, my argument on that is there are some people who for whatever reason are designed to be the perfect match in their need for one another. Like my husband... I swear to God I am a hard headed and strong and opinionated woman who only feels complete and happy when I see how happy he is with me for doing what he asks even if I would never in a million years ever even entertain the notion of what he asks of me. I can't say that I have changed for him because I was like this before and honestly can't recall ever feeling differently. I have been waiting all my life for a man that has the balls enough to never give me the upper hand I have been through plenty of men that thought they could be my counter and eventually they all turn soft and useless to me. I need to have someone in my life that helps me to see my purpose and gives me direction. He pushes my limits and makes me try and do things that I never would have ever had cross my mind, and the best part of that is when I look at him and see the sheer pleasure and pride I am able to bring to him by bending to his every will. I have not ever felt so much pleasure and love and joy as he has brought me just by his being pleased and happy with my abilities to bring him that very joy he never dreamed he could find in another human being. We need each other in ways that actually benefit us both in such a way that our survival depended upon our meeting each other and showing each of us that which we had given up thinking possible was just a matter of time and chance and with that we happen to be one of the few lucky ones to have fallen into some sort of unthinkable predestined soul mate match made in heaven bliss that not all will ever have the pleasure to understand and experience. I love you Shane even as I lose my self in you I find my reason.
DeviusDuchess DeviusDuchess
41-45, F
7 Responses Dec 12, 2012

Wow. I think I just learned a lot about my wife. Thanks, I will copy and keep that text.

i love you babes.

I am so fortunate and extremely grateful for my having found such a rare and explicit bliss

couple here too. we would love to chat and share more with you guys sometime. add us so we can talk.

Interesting relationship you have. You want to spread your wings but are extremely happy bending to his will. What's YOUR will?

Couple here too. We would love to chat and share more with you guys.

How many men have you "been through" ?