Not So Happily Ever After

ok, so i'm married, but not happy. i've been married for 3 years but together for 12, im 28 an hes 27. i have started to realise what i have missed out in life and how controlling, jealous and smothering my husband is and i don't know what to do. i have tried talking to him and he just dismisses me!! i dont want to live my life like this anymore.....i'm just so confused !!
emisconfused emisconfused
26-30
5 Responses Aug 7, 2010

I am 27. Married 7 years and with the same woman for almost 11 years. Here is what happened: you grew up and maybe he did to. Problem is maybe you grew apart. In younger marriages the two partners are still maturing. You have to grow together and allow for change. The issue is whether you/he can deal with the changes. Marriage vows are 'binding' to many and they trek forward but sometimes people do,honestly change for the worse or develop mental illness even. This is the 'worse' period of for "better or worse."<br />
Bottom line you are an adult and you will have to make an adult decision.

You have gotten a great deal of sound advice here and I have to admit as the veteran of 25 years of being on the "see-saw" of marriage, I think I gleaned something of value here myself.<br />
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Marriage is NEVER easy. I think that is a fairytale that we were told when we were children. Those couples that you see that have been married forever and they still adore one another, you know, the ones that you envy? They give the impression that they are happy and content with their marriage and their lives. <br />
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They are either brilliant thespians or they have learned to make the best of it. Which is about all we can do sometimes. The bottom line is that, yes, you probably could find someone better suited for you, but they would have their own set of issues and shortcomings and perhaps you could deal with them or maybe you would be back in the same old regret and resent rut.<br />
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I want to thank you for writing this, emisconfused and everyone that commented on this story, because I feel I gained something from your insight and experience. = )

You're only 28...and you are the only person with the power to do what is right for yourself. He is the person that he is and you can't change that. You have to set boundaries and decide what you truly want out of your life...if it isn't him then you'll have to get out of the relationship. If that is what you decide to do it will be hard, you'll doubt yourself and sometimes you'll get pulled back in because you might get lonely and start thinking about the good times and his good qualities...but the alternative is feeling trapped in your own life and that's no way to live.<br />
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Good luck to you. :)

My parents have always made sure that i knew divorce would not be a way out. No matter what the problem or situation... you can work it out. My dad had an affair, my mom knew about it.. but being so religious, she refused to divorce him. She just brought it to his attention that she knew he was cheating. ANYWAY, in my opinion, divorce is not the answer... BUT when you're not happy, it's definitely something you need to consider. Especially if he is not willing to work things out with you and hear you out. When you get married, it is for better or for worst... but when your significant other is not putting forth the effort and is not helping you fix the relationship... it's obvious he doesn't care. And when he realizes you're done, it'll be too late. You're young still... and there's still time to live a very fulfilling life with or without him... do what you need to do... as long as you're happy. Don't worry about what others will think cause you're the one living and going thru everything... Life is to be lived, so live it happily!

Now you have grown to reolise just how life is ... when we younger and not married we want to be married, when that happens ... we want to be single... and we always feel like someone wants to control us... (cheer up) ... Stand your ground If you want "Out" then leave and never look back. Things wont get better as the years go on ... I stayed married for 14 years before I made the break and today I sometimes wonder what was the right thing to do - I am now engaged to a man that I seem to love and we both head strong and refuse to back down - Wonder how much longer this relationship will last ... Thats why I say to you ... "cheer up" - we all in the same boat and we all waiting for that boat to etiher sink or get back to shore... (sometimes advice like this means nothing) and other times one must understand ... we are in control of our own situtations and it is up to US to make the change. ... (Sounds like your husband really loves you - and that my friend is hard to find) ... Good Luck with what ever you decide ... Goggos.