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I'm Still In The Same Place I Alway's Was.

I have depression and my wife is going through her change in life period and it is not alway's the best mix but can get interesting at time's. Every now and then my wife get's this far off look on her face and is quite and that is a hint that somthing is comming. The latest came as we were driving into town to do some shopping. She turned around and looked at me and said WE have changed and I just went along and ask her what she meant. She said that we use to be closer then what we were now and I again ask her to explaine. She said that we use to hold hand's every place we went and that we alway's sat next to each other on the couch when we watched a movie and that it was now me on one end of the couch and her on the other. She said that I did'nt even sit next to her when we were going anyplace anymore.

Now let me explaine a few thing's to you. I have alway's sat at the right end of the couch as I am right handed and set what ever I am drinking or munching on beside me on the end table on my right. I drive a pickup truck that has a bench seat in it so I am setting behind the wheel which is the best place to be if you intend to drive, right ? So when she is done with all the WE stuff I just turned around and made one statement, I have never moved from my spot since we got married but look at where you are at. And then I ask her that if I did'nt move from where I alway's was then how is it that WE changed. Well she just turned around and never did answer my question. But it's alway's the guy's fault right ? Go Figure.
Robert1256 Robert1256 51-55, M 17 Responses Jan 28, 2011

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It is just the way life is i think. Us women no matter wat age or wat stage are NE VER satisfied, We want more attention one min and feel smothered the next, its just the way we are. However i think sometimes u got to push the boat out....a single flower on a random day just because. no reason no story no words x

A work in progress to be sure; and one well worth the effort. I think you might like these:<br />
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“To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you’re wrong, admit it; Whenever you’re right, shut up.”<br />
~ Ogden Nash<br />
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"After all these years, I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her." <br />
~Adam, in Adam's Diary, Mark Twain<br />
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I also see that you like to keep your friends list short. I would like to be on that short list and will respectfully leave it to you to invite me. ; )

A work in progress to be sure; and one well worth the effort. I think you might like these:<br />
<br />
“To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you’re wrong, admit it; Whenever you’re right, shut up.”<br />
~ Ogden Nash<br />
<br />
"After all these years, I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her." <br />
~Adam, in Adam's Diary, Mark Twain<br />
<br />
I also see that you like to keep your friends list short. I would like to be on that short list and will respectfully leave it to you to invite me. ; )

Thank You for reading and commenting kyosaku. The truth is that with time we change too but it is easier to see it in other's then ourselve's. People tend to forget that a marriare is ALWAY'S a work in progess and it involve's give and take on both side's. I agree that most men learn to adapt. We adapt to the fact that right or wrong it make's life much easier to let her be right. Less grey hair's that way. : ) My Best.

I really like your slant. My wife is past that, at 60; and I can tell you that she is a bit more stable, and reasonable than she was during "the change." You're right too, humor is a real important perspective.<br />
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What women don't seem to realize about menopause is, that even though it isn't a choice it is still they that are changing. Men have to consciously adapt. What that means is that we have to first figure out what the he** is going on, what she wants, and then what adjustment we need to make to convincer her that: 1. There is no one at fault. 2. I have not changed and become the bad guy. 3. I really do love you and I am still trying to figure it out.<br />
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Best of luck, and hang in there. If it is any consolation, every year, love gets better...but you know that.<br />
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I also really like your avatar. At about 14 was walking with a friend downtown in Reno, my hometown. We saw this great big guy in front of us, who heard me say, "(profane remank), that guy is huge. The man himself turned around and smiled a big, beaming, messed up dental work smile and said, "Thanks boys." We were so embarrassed, we turned and ran. What a missed opportunity that was.

No offence taken walkover. I am the first to admit that we all get a little to comfortable in a relationship somtime's but I do my best to make sure she know's she is loved. My Best.

i am sorry robert i just seen the fact that you didint seem to move to be or meet her but by reading miss owlee comment you do seem to be a good decent man,maybe your wife needs to be reminded that you love her . i reread your letter and i think she was asking you to say something , what i dont know but , from my exsperince when i would say something like that i WANTED him to say something reasuring that even if you ALWAYS do these things she need you to tell her how you feel about her , MAYBE ,,, , but sorry again i got you wronge

Thank You for reading and commenting walkover. Now to be honest I do slide down to her end of the couch but I dont think it wise when i'm driveing. : ) I hold her hand everyplace we go and open the door's for her. But I think you missed the humor intended in my story a little. Now I have depression and she is going through the change and if we are both in that mood I think we are best at seperate end's of the couch, dont you ? : )<br />
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Thank You Miss Owlie, you alway's have my back but I took no offence. I even did a little jewlery shopping for her last night for valintine's day. She tolorate's me so I gotta love her. : ) My Best to you both.

Robert, I know YOU and all the things you do for the wife & family. Cooking meals, cleaning, Laundry and the dishes when she's working. You shop for food & make special meals. Fix everything around the house and work nights as well. This previous comment was in total ignorance . You're a generous, honest and loving husband.

get off your *** and make her feel that maybe just maybe you would move a bit to make her feel good ,you sound like you have never made any effort for her,,

get off your *** and make her feel that maybe just maybe you would move a bit to make her feel good ,you sound like you have never made any effort for her,,

Thank Each of you for reading and commenting. Pamperurft, you are correct and somtime's silence is the better part of valor. Miss Owlie, with her going through the change of life no battle is an easy one right now. I think I am better off with my depression as at least I get somthing right every now and then. :-) My Best

Ok.. First, go hold her paw. Tell her to slide on over that bench seat and and make your day. Sweetie, ya have to learn to pick your battles & this one is easy. It's better then shoveling snow. :>)

Ask not what your wife can do for you, ask what you can do for your wife---

Ask not what your wife can do for you, ask what you can do for your wife---

Good point JWI. But I can empathize with Robert too. Sometimes there's just no good way out when she says, "Do these jeans make my butt look big?"

Part of marriage is moving from your spot and meeting in the middle, you know. It sounds like your marriage is suffering from a lack of intimacy, and it does take 2 to fix that. First, you have to figure out that something does need fixing, and apparently your wife is the only one that has gotten that far.