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He Is Controlling

My husband and I have been together for three years, and married for almost a year. When we first started dating he made it clear that he did not want me talking to any of my male friends any longer, And he would not talk to any females. I agreed but would still text some of my close friends and just delete the messages. Well it got to the point where he was slowly starting to delete people from my Facebook, So I just stopped using it for awhile. Well I ended up losing all contact with any male friends except for one. Well as the years have passed he has also stopped me from seeing my family all except for my Dad. I will try and talk to my Mom and sisters on the phone and when I do he always makes rude comments in the background, I know my family has problems but who doesn't? I can't leave the house without him, I know he has some trust issues but I have never done anything to make him feel this way. I know our relationship is unhealthy but I don't know how to change it..And I don't want to leave him. I do love him.
MisterandMe MisterandMe 18-21, F 11 Responses Jun 25, 2012

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Get out now! You already feel the noose being tightened. His controlling behavior WILL escalate. You will be a prisoner in your own home. He has been cutting you off from your life-lines. When he has completed it, what is now mental and emotional abuse, is likely to become physical. Greensboro has a crisis center for abused women, and that includes you. He hasn't hit you yet, but he has been beating you senseless emotionally. Call the shelter. Go there (or anywhere) and put some distance between you and him. That will force him to consider his behavior, and may lead to positive changes. http://www.familyservice-piedmont.org/domestic-violence/our-shelters

When my ex wife and I where together she did that to me and I was head over heals in love with her and one day I had enough of it all, I understand that you love him and you don't want to leave him but if he is stopping you form seeing your family and friends sweetie he is no good for you, if he can not except you for who you are and see that you love him and that you would never do anything wrong to him then he does not deserve a woman like you.

You are right it is an unhealthy relationship, I will suggest counselling that would be the only thing that might work but if he does not want to change then he will never change, You have to think about what is better for you and your little girl I know you don't want your little girl to grow up with out a father but that is why they have visiting rights, Some things to think about.
Do you feel safe with him?
Has he ever psychical hurt you? if so then it is time to leave before it gets worse.
What would happen if you seen your mother or guy friends?
Is your daughter safe around him.

I understand that it is unhealthy and that he has either got to change or I need to leave. I know deep down that I need to leave but I always convince myself that it will be okay. He has never hit me. He has come close once but never actually did it. I for the most part feel safe with him and I believe my daughter is too. I can't go see my mom or any family he has it so I can't leave the house unless it is with him. I have no money, no car, no drivers license, nothing.

Hey girl
I'm going though the same thing now I know how much it hurts an we've been togther 3yrs this April , but the thing is he's the one with very little money I take care of him an this Is how they treat us an I hate How he talks bad about my friends who I've known for yrs

A marriage of two people is also means expanding both family into one bigger family. i hope he realised that.

My husband of 4 years is exactly like this and I love him & don't want to leave him either. He has moved me and my 2 little girls 14 hrs away from my family and friends and living in the country here makes it hard to meet new friends. He knows how isolated and alone I feel so he uses this against me in all of our fights. He constantly threatens me divorce if I stand up for myself to him and with me being unemployed right now, I have to back down so in his mind he has total control. <br />
I know everyone says to go to counseling, but what if your husband refuses? Then what?<br />
Mine refuses to go to counseling and honestly believes he isn't the one with the problem. So, what's next? <br />
This probably hasn't helped you at all, but If you want to talk more about it just let me know ok?

from my experience i have learnt that for men its not easy to trust no matter how much they love you. recently i had a fight with my husband and then he started saying i must stay in the house. i must go out with my friends anymore, while he is out i must wait for him at home. so i said to him that will never happen and that he is not my father. as i write this now i have a blue eye resulting from that. i could not belive that he of all people did that i feel so small i don't know how to handle the whole thing.

He is an obvious "control Freak" My Daughter is married to one also,and he's just a bloody "dirt bag" unemployed doesn't want to work, he's so damn FAT, LAZY USELESS,AND wants everything his way or nothing,they have three, Kids, but does not take them any where,or to see, theirs cousins, or us,[Grandparents] and he likes<br />
to take control of any money, and my daughter, get nothing for herself or the Kids.<br />
So YES MY Dear, I know what you are going through, I don't treat my Wife like that<br />
or ever have, she doe's what she thinks is RIGHT and I approve, we have joints accounts, and tell each other what we are spending, which what a Marriage is all about eh...<br />
My suggestion is to pack-up and leave him and he may, change his LITTLE MINED.......

you must get very lonely I cant imagine what it must be like to live that way, I hope someday you can live your life to the fullest and experience all the happiness you deserve. If I were you I would seriously consider if this relationship is really the one you want to spend the rest of your life in. All the best to you

Controlling behaviour like this is a symptom of a sick relationship. I strongly advise a mediator or counsellor; I believe you when you say you love him, but I would hate to see you guys bring children into this relationship without addressing this issue.

its unhealthy, and its only gonna get worse.. you need more than love.

Sounds like a long talk needs to be in order before things get worse

Sometimes you have to look past the love you feel or have for him. I have a niece that has been through just about the same as you, She did not get out at the first signs and ended up losing an eye and having her teeth kicked out. If he is cutting you off from the world let him go, or seek counseling and hope that he actually takes part in it.