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Married 10 Years & I Still Feel Inadequate

I married an amazing man. He is a great father, excellent provider, kind, outgoing, loyal,athletic, & very good-looking. I on the other hand am short, average in looks, chubby, very shy & introverted, not anyone you'd notice for any reason. Even when we were dating and I was physically my most attractive, it was obvious he was out of my league. I even had some rude people tell me so. I should feel great that I got such a catch, right? It makes me so unhappy sometimes i can't stand it. I know it might be superficial to be fixated on feeling like this, but I can't help it. I try to be a good wife and mother, we have problems like everyone does, but our sex life is good and he is truly my best friend. Even after 10 years I still have this fear he's going to come to his senses and realize he could get a far more beautiful, graceful,fun women that shared more of his interests. After I had the kids now my weight is really out of control, he's very supportive, sometimes I push him away because I can't stand the guilt of letting him down. I love going out when its just me & the kids , but when he's with me people notice him then they see me & that look (more from other woman than men) is so judgmental it hurts so much. I know I shouldn't care what other people think but it just affirms what I'm feeling. I'm at a point right now where I won't go out when its just him&I. The worse I feel the less I take care of myself, now I'm in this vicious cycle and I can't bear it anymore. If I can't improve soon I don't think I can go on like this. I've prayed, tried therapy, even had weight loss surgery but I failed at that too . Please some comments or advice.
deleted deleted 26-30 6 Responses Aug 7, 2012

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What if you were a man married to a woman who you thought was superior to you. Wouldn't that be tougher. That is my situation. I feel so inadequant until I don't even approach my wife for sex znymore. I figure, what is the use? I don't satisfy her in or out of bed anymore. I refuse to go out with her because I know other men who are better looking and better endowed than me will approach her and I feel like I am in her way.

That look... the one the "pretty girls" give you. That's not looking down on you, it's not thinking you don't deserve him... It's wondering what you have that they don't. They want to know what you did to get such a great guy to fall in love with you, because they can't get any interest themselves. They are jealous of you girl! You rock it!

Hi Melanie im so sad you feel the way you do" you sound like a beautiful lady, or else your husband wouldn"t be married to you. People who tell you such things are eighter jealous or have no self esteem meaning that they were really out of his leaugue. sounds to me you are what he wanted or he wouldnt want to take you out, and your the one picking at all your down falls . If you are and keep being so negative about your self people can pick up on the vibes.He doesnt need some body else he needs you .you have his children that makes you a power house . So get your Big girl pants on and don 't let no one make you feel infurriour to them .Forgive yourself that you have put yourself in a situation to be down on yourself get up and dust your self and be strong..

we're on the same boat. my husband is young looking although we're of the same age and lean while I'm fat. sometimes I became conscious of our "mismatch" but what comforted me is his spirituality. you can also check with your husband's spiritual life if it's strong or not. if strong, you're secure because he wants to please God. regarding your weight problem, try parasite cleansing and colon cleansing. i also tried several weight loss programs but all short-lived. just found out that i have parasites in my body that i was "feeding" because i respond to their craving for food. please check www.humaworm.com to assess for yourself.

I also feel this way everyday with my husband. But ask yourself this..if you were the person you think you are..why would an amazing man as you describe choose you to be his life partner and mother to his children? He sees you for who you are and not what you see. I have been through many therapy and support groups to try and work through my insecurities. Ten years later I finally just accepted that this man could have chosen anybody and he chose me! Sweetheart if you don't fight this insecurity..you will self destruct..your husband needs you to believe and trust in him. Try talking to him about it..my husband is my whole support. He should be yours. You have a great husband it seems..so count your blessings. Because if he chose you..he obviously feels the way you do about him.

Looks are not everything. There is something that this man loved in you that is more important to him than looks.<br />
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Stop cheating yourself and your family of all that you have to offer as a person. Let it go!