Opening The FloodgateFor many months, I didn't feel like talking to my hubby on the phone. He's currently on away for a job and he would call three times a day. At some point, I grew tired and just didn't want to answer. Worse, his own children wouldn't take his calls. I know how cold that sounds, to think he's working away from home to support us.
It's just that... I've been feeling restless. I feel trapped. We have nothing to talk about. We have nothing in common. He couldn't carry a conversation with me. I don't feel those "butterflies" when I see him. But what I hate about him is how I feel like I'm wearing the pants in the house. I also hate his misplaced ego. I hate how sensitive he is. I do not feel like there is equality in the relationship.
One day, my child was feeling mischievous and answered a call from him with this line, "Daddy, you know what, my Mommy wants to separate from you." I don't know where that came from. I certainly do not discuss such things to my daughter.
I was near her when I my child suddenly pulled the prank and I told her immediately to take it back. She however, as mischievous as ever, only laughed and insisted it's true.
It was a Skype call so I could see tears stream down his face. He believed it. He believed it as any there is. I talked to him. I told him it's just his daughter making a prank. He still cried. I nervously laughed and reassured him.
After that, I had to answer all his calls and reply to his messages, which I don't normally do. I really do sound like I'm a bad wife and I think I am. It is very weird that I am the one complaining when I'm not a great wife myself.
To be honest, when my daughter said those words to his father, I felt like a great weight was lifted from me. I felt like there was nothing truer than what she said. It seriously felt like an epiphany.
But I quickly squashed it down. I cannot leave my husband just because I am feeling restless. Just because I am asking more from him. What kind of reason is that? If I'm feeling restless, might as well rent one of those wings in the shop and fly! That's a joke. (Yeah, I've been told that my jokes are corny.)
The problem is with me. It is very clear. Maybe he'll divorce me first, maybe he'll put up with it. Maybe I can fix myself. Maybe I'll die trying.
But all these reasons are irrelevant. I cannot separate from him simply because I don't want to raise my children in a broken family. That's the bottom line.