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Opening The Floodgate

For many months, I didn't feel like talking to my hubby on the phone. He's currently on away for a job and he would call three times a day. At some point, I grew tired and just didn't want to answer. Worse, his own children wouldn't take his calls. I know how cold that sounds, to think he's working away from home to support us.

It's just that... I've been feeling restless. I feel trapped. We have nothing to talk about. We have nothing in common. He couldn't carry a conversation with me. I don't feel those "butterflies" when I see him. But what I hate about him is how I feel like I'm wearing the pants in the house. I also hate his misplaced ego. I hate how sensitive he is. I do not feel like there is equality in the relationship.

One day, my child was feeling mischievous and answered a call from him with this line, "Daddy, you know what, my Mommy wants to separate from you." I don't know where that came from. I certainly do not discuss such things to my daughter.

I was near her when I my child suddenly pulled the prank and I told her immediately to take it back. She however, as mischievous as ever, only laughed and insisted it's true.

It was a Skype call so I could see tears stream down his face. He believed it. He believed it as any there is. I talked to him. I told him it's just his daughter making a prank. He still cried. I nervously laughed and reassured him.

After that, I had to answer all his calls and reply to his messages, which I don't normally do. I really do sound like I'm a bad wife and I think I am. It is very weird that I am the one complaining when I'm not a great wife myself.

To be honest, when my daughter said those words to his father, I felt like a great weight was lifted from me. I felt like there was nothing truer than what she said. It seriously felt like an epiphany.

But I quickly squashed it down. I cannot leave my husband just because I am feeling restless. Just because I am asking more from him. What kind of reason is that? If I'm feeling restless, might as well rent one of those wings in the shop and fly! That's a joke. (Yeah, I've been told that my jokes are corny.)

The problem is with me. It is very clear. Maybe he'll divorce me first, maybe he'll put up with it. Maybe I can fix myself. Maybe I'll die trying.

But all these reasons are irrelevant. I cannot separate from him simply because I don't want to raise my children in a broken family. That's the bottom line.
mareliberum mareliberum 26-30 5 Responses Dec 25, 2012

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listen lonewood. your very young. what you are feeling is the same things a guy feels.
that trapped feeling. i have to work to take care of my family and you know what? he has 45 more years ahead of him. getting up and going to work every dqy wheather he feels like it or not.because he love you and his daughter. no body says keeping a marriage to gether is easy. you have to work at it and do the best you can. Other wise there probably will be a seperation or a divorce somewhere down the road. and raising a child by your self is no picnic either.you have a hardworking responsible loving husband. don't mess it up just because you feel a little restless. think about the alternitive.

Thank you for the advise. I will reflect on it. I am trying though to get a grip on myself.

It sounds like your darling little "mischievous" child needs a good *** whoopin"! Plain and simple.

She has since retracted her statement three times now. I think she realizes she hurt her father.

Kids need to learn the consequences to their action as soon as they mess up. I'm glad she apologized. I hope things are going better for you. Even though I was sever in my comment, If you need to talk I'm here.

I can only imagine how he feels poor guy and I was sitting here feeling sorry for myself because I never took the time to have a family ....

I hope you sat down with your daughter and explain how hurtful that was , when I read that I ducked from reflex because my mom would have sent me into orbit

I couldn't believe my ears at first when I heard her say those words. I also feel bad.

I know the feeling, as far as not wanting to seperate because of the kids. Completely understandable.

One) Is it that you done want to seperate because of the unknown, the leaving him as he is doing all that he can do to provide for his family? or is it because you are sick and tired of him being gone?

Is it because of wondering why he has a job that requires him to be gone all the time?

No, it's not the distance. Sometimes, I think the distance actually helps. I do feel guilty for feeling this when he is sacrificing so much for the children.

I wont preach
but he cant do what he does closer to home?

No, he's been looking for a job for many years and he can only manage to get those positions that are not near here. But, he's been thinking of not continuing with his job contract and instead put up a small business near here. It would be a gamble though and so he still hasn't completely decided yet. I told him it's up to him. I know his children will be happy if he did.

Have you expressed your frustration? The gamble might be worth it for him if you are at the pointof giving it all up.

I think he knows. His look when my daughter pranked him was an expression of a tearful 'I knew this was coming.' I don't think I'm at the point of giving up though. I have to think about the children.

I think you should have a heart to heart talk with him. I think he is thinking of the children too, as you are. Sometimes two people have to get past this confusion by simply communicating....you two mayvery well be having the same feelings/frustrations.

I suspect he is not running around on you. :)

Yes, I think we need to have a talk. By the way, thank you for the support.

You are very welcome.

I feel a bit empathetic as I spent 24 years in the US Navy.. It's tough being apart.

Add me? :)

Sure. :)

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