Married and Alone

Got married around 1990. After our child was born, my wife began a downward spiral of depression. She became cool and distant to me. She's leveled off, but remains cool and distant. We've lived like brother and sister for 10 years. My small efforts to change things have been rebuffed. Now it hurts to much to try any more. When our daughter leaves the house, I fear I will become even more lonely. I am very sad about this right now.
ren ren
51-55, M
18 Responses May 24, 2007

Being married is a pice of paper . True love is the lust when you first meet all the stories I read went down hill after marriage . I have been with my wife 18 years the first fifteen were good after marriage the last three has been hell . Stay dating an happy marriage is the down fall of love .

After reading the above, I don't know what to think anymore!!<br />
Me and my wife have been married for 3 years, she was the one chasing me around the house and doing her best in or sex relation, I wasn't bad either... After our son was born a year & 1/2 ago, our sex life has died! I tried everything I could to bounce it back, but nothing seemed to work. I even booked a 1 week holiday in a very romantic place, the week went by without even a kiss or a gift (was my Bday too). We hardly have sex once a month, and it just feels like sex with a blow doll! No emotions no reactions. I'm 24 and she's 32, I don't think it's the age cuz I know women her age that are heaps sexually active. Not sure what to do anymore, had enough of feeling rejected!!! I thought it was me, I thought in doing it wrong! Never had a problem with my ex's though. Any help guys?

I have been married three times in my life. My last husband I have been with for thirty years. We had a lot of problems and a lot of the time we thought it was hell. Sex doesn't make the marriage., love and respect for each other does. You are forgetting that sex came after that feeling you got when you right laid eyes on her. Talk to her about the right time you did laid eyes on her. Do you remember that time ? That feeling? Get her to remember....

sounds excatly like my marriage the last eight years have been the same for me my kids moved out and in my case it got worse my son got married and moved in our house and it got a little better but not much but he has now bought a home of his own so i figure it will get even worse after he leaves I cant remember the last time my wife and me have kissed i try to kiss her she just turns her cheek to me refuses to even hold my hand and will rarely even sit next to me she says we need to talk and the wont. We go to bed and she just turns her back to me and goes to sleep no good night no good morning I cant remember the last time she said anything nice to me at all. I thought i would try to do something nice i got up this past sunday cooked breakfast from scratch. She got up and I was still finishing up the meal and was trying to get everything done and all i heard was i had gotten some flour on the floor where i had made biscuts i had grease on the stove where i was frying bacon i had cleaned up some as i went but i wasnt finished. So what i thought could be a nice breakfast ended up in her being mad and ranting on me about how this wasnt her house anymore and just go on and destroy it you dont give a damn anyway. Oh and total cleanup time was about three minutes after i was done. This garbage has been goig on for me now on almost a daily basis for years and Im almost to the point of not even trying anymore. I wish i could offer you some advice on what to do but i dont know what to do myself

Yes, Sounds familier. very. only it is my husband who behave my house mate. he is great in that sense. he does diy when it needed, house work, kitchen, wash, do kids, love kids, and he respects me. why do i complain? i can not feel i am loved. ever since we got together, even when we are couple, i had to ask him to hoild my hand, kissme, so on, olthouhg, it wwas no that as bad as it is now. through out 10 years, kept asking, hug me, kiss me, keep me company,,,,sit next to me, what ever. he goes, i am doing somethingelse, i can not do everything! since our first child was born, he uses kids for excuse. he says, we have not got anytime for each other.<br />
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mm, how long exactly it would take to look into my eyes to kiss me in the morning? rather than making his own cup of tea? how long does it take to to touch , just a touch or stroke my back when we pass each other in the living room? when he is only heading towords toilet? <br />
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I feel miserable. I have not felt like I am a woman for years, quite opposite, I feel like we are back in university living together in shared house. <br />
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yes, I feel it is very very sad, we are good to each other., like he respects me, i do to him, he is a good man, we get along so well in our life everything but being connected as a couple. we share same value to our family, life, kids, etc, most of things, we can come to agree without shouting to each otehr ,except, we, he never do talk about our relationship, does not do what peopl call relationship. <br />
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when kids get older and leaves us, , what do i do? what am i going to do? I will have not many friends around me, my life is devoted to kids for moment that i have no idea what is all about to be out there anymore, I have not may friend i can turne up, they all have their family to stick together, to spend time together, work is not going to cher me up as it will be rather difficult to start something new by the time my kids leave. mothering is not exactly counted in CV, is it? <br />
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At this oment, I would love to be held. but no one does. not the one I realy wanted. and it is not going to change. sad.<br />
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hope you will find some other way. hope to myself too.

Wow. I'm married for almost two years. I think thing are going great. I'm sorry about your marriage. I hope it all works out for you.

i got married just before i graducated high school and then whole time we were married and dating he was cheating i couldnt ever figure out how i would deal so i left and now im rasing our son by myself and its hard to do.

I got married in 2006. I had on Feb 2008.

she's apparently hurting from something she can't even put her finger on....don't give up...if you truly still love her the grass will never be greener.. i see that you have tried. I don't know if you've tried telling her that even if she is feeling down and depressed that you will love her through it. That can mean more to a woman in emotional turmoil than anything. I empathize with the pain of being the only one contributing in a relationship, but if she's truly worth it to you...you will not exhaust your efforts. Bless you. Ps...hormones are very powerful and so is lack of sleep, on any human, it can wreck marriages and lives. I hope she sleeps well...she doesn't mean to hurt you.

That is how my first marriage was. I begged him to go to counseling, but he consistently refused. 2 things came of this: 1. We had great kids we adored. 2. I discovered he is bi polar, and refuses to take meds for it. and 3. I gave him an ultimatum about the couseling and he served me with divorce papers in less than a week! (picture my shock!). I called him up, with the Sheriff standing there, and said, "are you SURE this is what you want to do, because once I sign, there is no turning it back." He replied, "Yes. If you don't want to be with me, I want to date and travel." <br />
Now, he is alone, sad, depressed, and a bit crazy.<br />
I'm very sorry for him, try to help him out occasionally, and he begs for me to come back, even when I was engaged to my fiancee! Im so sorry for him!

TRY TO START GOING OUT TOGETHER DOING THINGS AS A COUPLE TELL HER YOU LOVE HER EVERY DAY . IF SHE DOES NOT REPONDTO YOU TRYING ITS TIME TO LET IT GO AND FIND SOMEONE THAT WANTS TO SPEND TIME WITH YOU .THREATEN TO LEAVE I DID THEN THEY REALISE WHAT THEY ARE LOSING X

What is going on with marriege now a days. I feel like I might be heading toward this road of sexless or unhappily married. AND I am freaking out. I love my husband but he has made some BIG mistakes with me in our 5 yrs marriege and he has killed the "I love so much i can't think of anything else" feeling. Is this what married has become? Is this what I should expect? Please tell me NO!

WOW - i came here to see if there were any happily married people - LOL<br />
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Check out the "I live in a sexless marriage" section on this site, that's where i'm from. none of us get laid over there because our life partner has turned into a room mate.

I have only been married for 3 years and I am in the same situation. My husband and I live like room mates. He travels a lot and I stay home and take care of the kids (two are mine from a previous marriage but he completely "claims" them as his and one is "ours). He is a great guy and I love him but, since "our" son was born there is absolutely no passion between us. The strange thing is that before the baby was born our sex life was great. By about the time I was 7 months pregnant he was so afraid of hurting me or the baby that we stopped having sex. Then after the postpartum period ended, it has never really been the same. I have been very open with him and I have told him that I want to be intimate with him, basically I would like him to initiate sex and want to do more than simply have me on top. His reason for the drastic drop in love-making is that if he even remotely senses that I am tired, grumpy, or whatever ... he doesn't want to "make" me have sex with him. Problem is, I love sex and a good session of sex would probably put me in a great mood. He is so worried about "pampering" me that he completely neglects what WE need from each other. I admit that after two years of asking for things to be the way they were I have my share of bitterness and disappointment over it. I know he has been faithful and so have I. I don't know if this really matters but, he is 40 and I am 30. I sometimes wonder if sex is no longer a thrill for him because of his age. Basically, I do all of the work and he lays there. It is like the roles are switched and I am the sex-starved one and he is the non-compliant one. I guess I am rambling but this really stinks! I wish I had a solution. <br />
Thanks for listening and I hope your situation changes for the better.

I have only been married for 3 years and I am in the same situation. My husband and I live like room mates. He travels a lot and I stay home and take care of the kids (two are mine from a previous marriage but he completely "claims" them as his and one is "ours"). He is a great guy and I love him but, since "our" son was born there is absolutely no passion between us. The strange thing is that before the baby was born our sex life was great. By about the time I was 7 months pregnant he was so afraid of hurting me or the baby that we stopped having sex. Then after the postpartum period ended, it has never really been the same. I have been very open with him and I have told him that I want to be intimate with him, basically I would like him to initiate sex and want to do more than simply have me on top. His reason for the drastic drop in love-making is that if he even remotely senses that I am tired, grumpy, or whatever ... he doesn't want to "make" me have sex with him. Problem is, I love sex and a good session of sex would probably put me in a great mood. He is so worried about "pampering" me that he completely neglects what WE need from each other. I admit that after two years of asking for things to be the way they were I have my share of bitterness and disappointment over it. I know he has been faithful and so have I. I don't know if this really matters but, he is 40 and I am 30. I sometimes wonder if sex is no longer a thrill for him because of his age. Basically, I do all of the work and he lays there. It is like the roles are switched and I am the sex-starved one and he is the non-compliant one. I guess I am rambling but this really stinks! I wish I had a solution. <br />
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Thanks for listening and I hope your situation changes for the better.

I feel for you...however, it's your life and your happiness! Do what you need to do to take control over your own life. As difficult and upsetting as it may be...make some decisions that will ultimately change your circumstances. Do you understand what I mean? Place both feet firmly on the ground and make the decision! <br />
Good Luck to you!

This sounds like me with less time. How are you coping? That's what I want to know. I've started doing something I never thought I would do - paying for online **** (what? in the age of the internet?) out of sheer desperation. Sexual loneliness is a drag.

sounds like my marriage---exactly---are you sure your not my ex---just kidding--hope things get better--marriage is tough