I Am Married
The short version is that I bought a car (used) with out telling my wife. She is of the opinion that I should have told her/discussed with her. Of course she is right.
The longer version, I have been driving an older car for awhile, and it was a well know fact that I was looking to replace this year. So I started looking, and I found a "perfect" car for me up in Detroit. As it turned out, I was going to Detroit for a hockey tournament, and the car was close to one of the rinks we were playing.
So I stopped and checked it out. I loved it, and so I bought it. But I never told wife that I was going to look at it, nor that I was about to buy it, nor that I even bought it. She did not find out until I drove in the driveway a couple of days later. I know, I was a bad boy.
Her first reaction was cool, nice car and a good deal. About 10 days go by, and she asks me why I did not tell her. A rather long conversation ensued. My simplified story was that it was just easier not to tell her. (Conversations with her can go either way, so I tend to avoid) I also said it was my car, and I am paying for it, so she really doesn't get much say in the matter. Ouch, I know, I know, couples should make big decisions jointly. But that is how I feel. I also told her she needs to do more to contribute to the families financial well being.
It's been a couple of days, so I have considered my position. Ideally, yes, decisions like this should be made together, regardless of who makes the money. Also ideally though, when a husband holds up his end of the bargain, supporting the family, helping raise the kids, etc., the wife should hold up her end of the bargain. But since she is a refuser, it has changed what the dynamic should be. I figure if we are living like roomies, then she can start paying for her things, like her own car and her insurance.
So the resullt has been, things have changed. Before the she was pleasant, and comfortable in her non-demanding life. Now, she knows how I feel, and the discomfort she now feels matches what I have been feeling for quite a while. I think this is a good thing, before the situation wasn't so bad, she could live with it. Now, not so much. Maybe it will force something to happen?
The longer version, I have been driving an older car for awhile, and it was a well know fact that I was looking to replace this year. So I started looking, and I found a "perfect" car for me up in Detroit. As it turned out, I was going to Detroit for a hockey tournament, and the car was close to one of the rinks we were playing.
So I stopped and checked it out. I loved it, and so I bought it. But I never told wife that I was going to look at it, nor that I was about to buy it, nor that I even bought it. She did not find out until I drove in the driveway a couple of days later. I know, I was a bad boy.
Her first reaction was cool, nice car and a good deal. About 10 days go by, and she asks me why I did not tell her. A rather long conversation ensued. My simplified story was that it was just easier not to tell her. (Conversations with her can go either way, so I tend to avoid) I also said it was my car, and I am paying for it, so she really doesn't get much say in the matter. Ouch, I know, I know, couples should make big decisions jointly. But that is how I feel. I also told her she needs to do more to contribute to the families financial well being.
It's been a couple of days, so I have considered my position. Ideally, yes, decisions like this should be made together, regardless of who makes the money. Also ideally though, when a husband holds up his end of the bargain, supporting the family, helping raise the kids, etc., the wife should hold up her end of the bargain. But since she is a refuser, it has changed what the dynamic should be. I figure if we are living like roomies, then she can start paying for her things, like her own car and her insurance.
So the resullt has been, things have changed. Before the she was pleasant, and comfortable in her non-demanding life. Now, she knows how I feel, and the discomfort she now feels matches what I have been feeling for quite a while. I think this is a good thing, before the situation wasn't so bad, she could live with it. Now, not so much. Maybe it will force something to happen?
By:
Psharrr
Age:
51-55
,
Male
2
responses
