24 Years, Happy Father/husband

Been married for 24 years.  I am mostly happy in marriage. We are both well employed rising profesionals with the respect and envy of our faith community. We like to do things like Sunday dinners and summer sailing at the lake. Very active in church and school activites also.  We get to watch our kids do very well in Science Olympiad too. (nationals too).We spectate at some sports our kids are in.   We live in a big house on a brick road next to a park. Lots of huge trees here too. It feels like we are blessed beyond what we deserve. And yet I learn that  every situation has the same danger of boredom. (I grew up very poor)

Romanitcally we are both different people than when we married. Sometimes we can get hot, but mostly we aren't interested. (when?) Mostly my fault as I am often uncapable and quite embarrassed about why. I have an unstable pelvis that can't be fixed. Marital relations are much desired but much too painful. My wife is generous and still a young looking beauty (yes I like her love handles but I daren't tell her that).

Life is not supposed to be free from difficulties. Your are supposed to be challenged in love, in success, and in all quarters, that's how you are motivated to become better.

inch inch
46-50, M
3 Responses Jun 1, 2007

Hello all, [friendly wave] It's funny to me at this much later date, finally seeing these rushed or earnest replies. What is so funny is how far off the mark they all were. Sorry, it took so long to come back and see them, but it seems we both need practice communicating.
I will say prayers for your own frustrations that have come through here. I am not against hearing what you have to say or learning to listen better to you. It works both ways. I am in therapy now for a related set of challenges. We both are.

What I had been trying to say was - I am doing great career-wise, but having trouble doing the manly thing as much as my wife might want. [fixing some nebulous attitude wont fix the pelvic pain, or this aging pelvic related problem]. We have worked hard and gotten what most people want in a pretty and affordable place that most people could enjoy. The size of the house or cost of the cars is irrelevant. What we have makes us more or less - happy. We are better off than our parents.
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I had hoped that - That sets the table for receiving some sage advice or hearing about some experiences where some other person has worked through something similar. I am interested in hearing from you.
So, is the fire dying a normal thing we all get to work through? They tell me at the clinic that my pelvic problem happens to everyone who makes it past 80 years old. That actually makes it more bearable as I was once shuttled off to the crazy peoples ward - thinking the pain must be in his head...Now we know what the pelvic pains are and that it is incurable and will only progress.

BTW, I do work on my oral sex skills for pleasing her, but still wish for more or better "opportunities". It has become rote as well. Not much flame in the embers anymore. She doesn't have much carnal interest in me or other men either [she has permission to seek what she needs - if my efforts or tiny and seldom functioning tool are not enough].

I am much more interested in hearing about relevant experience and or advice, than lectures or judgement. But suit yourself, its a free forum. I will always defend your right to speak out ...respectfully, supportivly, and authentically.
God Bless...

I'm sorry you have physical problems with having sex. Are there other things you can do that are sexy, just not as strenuous? Maybe you need a change of routine in your life, change one thing. Do you want to explore newness with your wife or are you looking for solitary pursuits for yourself? Why do you say you feel blessed beyond what you deserve? If you grew up poor, is this not okay for you to reap the comforts of your hard work? Have you talked to your wife? <br />
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Sorry, I mostly have questions for you, maybe it can cause you a new thought or two.

Uhm, Since I read alittle to much into this I feel a little cheated. Honestly to me I feel like this was a condesending statement. It is most likely not. I am sure your intentions were good.<br />
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But I couldn't help but to notice all insinuations torwards money.<br />
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I have a 5,800 SF home on the Gulf Of Mexico. With a healthy wife with no sexual problems that I cannot stand being around. She spends the equivlent of a Mcdonalds employees annual salary on shoes a week. She drives a $90,000 car that she has wrecked or scraped 5 or 6 times. <br />
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I could go on, but thats the otherside of the leaf anyways.