And the Wedding Rings Are Off!

I am married - as all of us are in this group, however, my marriage is not the conventional marriage I thought it would be 7 years ago.  It's really never been a good marriage - we loved each other, but there was very little romance, very little phsyical (sp?) contact, or spontinatity...

I guess I started gaining a bit of weight back in 1998, when I was pregnant with my first daughter (from previous relationship).  Over the years, I have put on a few pounds, but don't we all?  We get comfortable with our lives - and age catches up to us.

My second (and current) husband had said to me (before we were married) that I was the heaviest girl he had ever dated.... I knew I should have walked then and there... but I loved him and we were having a baby together (my 2nd daughter).  I didn't want the battles over visitation, child support, and all that goes with separation when children are involved.

I just left things as they were and now, years later, I am still hearing the same old comments from him... 'you need to lose weight', 'need a cherry picker to get you off the couch', and the ever favorite, 'your butt is huge!'.  I was really getting tired of it - I am somewhat overweight, but I'm not 250 pounds or anything....(please no offense meant to anyone who is), and I am healthy.  The only medical problem I have is high blood pressure and even my doctor hasn't said to lose weight to control it.  I think I am ok - and I am really ok with me - but obviously my husband isn't...

Last week, a male friend was over for a visit, and the kids were outside in the pool (just a small above ground, 3 ft deep plastic pool - hey, I'm not rich you know!), and our friend suggested that I go in the pool naked to cool down (32+ celcius = 90 deg. faren. for those not on the metric system).  Well my husband looked at our friend and said, 'she'd scare off all the neighbors!'...

I burst into tears, went outside, sat on the steps and had a cigarette.  Our friend came out to console me some (something my husband refuses to do), said everything would be ok, and that he'd call later, and left.

I ended up walking back into the house, taking off my wedding rings, and gave them to my husband.  I told him when he wanted to treat me like a wife SHOULD be treated, he could give them back to me... that was last week... the wedding rings are off.... still sitting on the table....

 

Cheleanne Cheleanne
66-70, F
16 Responses Jul 31, 2007

Well, one solution is join Weight Watchers or something...If this husband is a lout and you need out of the marriage, having a nice bottom will help you find a new man...

You will live longer, feel better, and enjoy all the attention.

Dan

He sounds like a real ***.
He's probably insecure & insults you to boost himself up.
So sorry you have lived with that...& good on you for taking a stand!

That was a mean thing your husbanf said, but if you want to stay married put the rings back on and try to talk to him.

I totally hear you on that point..... thanks for the comment.

Physical features can be very important to men. In retrospect, he should've been more honest with himself about the value he placed on it. It's really too late to be dropping hints at this point, and a little unfair to expect major changes.

Sigh, looks matter, love may prevail, but we all want an attractive partner, you know?

He is in a LOT of ways - controlling and abusive. And he is like a light switch - one day everything is ok - the next it's all hell breaks loose!<br />
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Just can't figure it out....

Leave him ignore him or just put up with it..forever??? This is not a respectful relationship at all.You need to decide what you want to do soon.Life is too short to waste why are you allowing him to wreck havoc with your self esteem? Sounds like a abusive controlling creep.

Thanks Roses.... and everyone else. I wrote this story a while ago and the rings are STILL on the table... He still hasn't bothered to mention them or anything... I honestly don't know what's going through his head....

I can't say that I have ever experienced anything like that from my husband. It sounds awful. I think that you put up with the negativity a lot longer than most would have. I hope that things get better for you. Whatever that means you need to do.

I agree with Good One. Sometimes men can be so mean and controlling. I gained some weight several years ago and my boyfriend kept calling me fat ***. Anyway I started to go to the gym and diet and I took off all the weight plus some. well he started to complain about me going to the gym and cooking me fattening food and dinners. I just had my second daughter and the weight is hard to come off and then come the comments from him. <br />
Anyway hang in there girlfriend, good things are right around the corner. Things only get low for so long then there is no other way than up.

Thank you GoodThing... Other doors DO open, I'm just too afraid to walk through them....

Good for you! Just keep remembering that you deserve exactly what you are asking for - to be treated nicely. Living in that kind of atmosphere does take it's toll on you eventually. The problem isn't your weight - it's your husbands problem. I think you know this. It wouldn't matter what you weighed because it's not really about your weight. It's about his need to put you down to control you and make you feel undeserving of anything better. Good luck but I have always believed and seen the "another door opens" happen in my life so much.

Thank-you Zen... I just love this site because all these comments and people here mean so much to me... and I hope that I mean the same to others.....

What a sad story...it doesn't sound like weight is the real/only issue...but of course, you know better than anybody else, as you do on your options, too. And I've weighed more than 250 pounds in the past (not anymore). My husband has loved me the same at 275 as now, at 175...there are people out there who can and will love others for who they are.<br />
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Good luck to you, hon.

Thanks Erica - I don't think they will, but that's ok too... it's been this way for a long time....the rings were the just the icing on the cake... Something good will happen in my life, I really believe that because I don't think God put us here to be miserable. So, I bide my time and they say when one door closes, another one opens... I just have to walk through it.... *smile*

I hope that something gets better for you.