My wife of 17 years told me about 5 weeks ago she wants t separate and now is moving towards divorce. She's blamed it all on me and cited alcohol, anger, among other issues. I have taken ownership of these things and am in counseling and have quit the booze cold turkey. We have 2 amazing, intelligent children who know nothing about any fights between us. We have a huge house, very nice jobs and, overall, a nice life. I am working on my issues but she doesn't seem like she wants to give me another chance and I am beside myself with sadness. I am sure many of you will ask whether or not she ever discussed this with me. Therein lies the problem. She has a habit of waiting until issues rise to boiling point and then explodes on me so I have tuned her out in the past. Now I feel it may be too late because we haven't addressed the issues as rationale adults. I feel the divoce will be devastating to our kids and us financially and there is still ove between us but she is a stubborn person. Any advice from the womem would be appreciated. I am giving her space but the one couples therapy session we went to ended poorly with her stating that she did not want to go to another one and she is through giving me chances.
Phinewhine Phinewhine
51-55, M
10 Responses Aug 19, 2014

buddy seems you have to prove to your wife you changed.tell her you want temporary separation.and in this time you will prove to her you changed,in the mean time she will have time to think and you also

Think once more


take her to see some phish shows, Phinewine

That world work for me :-)

It would work for any rational person. However when you want out, you just want out.

By me going thur the same, meaning my husband has done lots of bad things to me and I am trying to forgive him, because he doesn't stop trying to fix the marriage.

Well I am going thru the same thing with my husband, please don't give up on fixing things with her and yourself. If she truly loves u , she will come back and see the new u. Show her that ur truly sorry by giving her poems, roses , and anything romantic to dazzle her with love. I have so advise , but I hope this helps.

This is a tough one, recently my Wife and I almost reached the point of thinking about separating. We have a large home and she got angry with me and moved to one of the guest rooms for two nights (her reason being my very healthy sexual appetite). For some reason, I just let her alone for those nights. The third night, Sunday night, she announced that she was going to sleep in our bed.
The point that I'm trying to make is that maybe your Wife simply needs the solitude and freedom to make that decision. The more you persue her, you might be pushing her away. I can only wish you the best of luck. Please let us know how things are

I am so sorry to hear what your family is going through. A couple of years ago, I started divorce proceedings from my husband for reasons similar to the ones you mentioned. I went back because, for the first time in our marriage, he actually took steps to change his negative behaviors rather than just making empty promises. He agreed to go to couples counseling which allowed me to see some of our ongoing conflicts from his perspective. He also went to individual counseling and (seemingly) learned to that whatever happened, divorce or not, he had problems that needed to be addressed. He became less jealous and controlling. It was his newly found sense of self - confidence, accepting, calm demeanor, etc. - that convinced me to give our marriage another try. (Unfortunately, I recently learned he's up to some of his old tricks again, but that's different story!)

If you really want to save the marriage, then continue to "walk the walk rather than talk the talk."That means staying calm and continuing to address your anger issues, drinking, etc. regardless of her decision. You have to make these changes for you, not anyone else!!! Best of luck to you!!

No one really knows what you two went through or each individually! It's definitely not fair for her to suppress and than explode on you!! how can you work on these issues if she doesn't tell you. However, of there are deep seeded issues from the past between you it easier to see how she could do that. She is probably just hurt herself and maybe feels like she has exhausted all avenues. See what I have learned in my own marriage and the issues we have had over the years is that the only content is change!!! So you both have to be open to that!! try to get back to grassroots!! best of luck!!

She may have another lover...I don't know. If you have "changed" and she still is wanting out, it may be a guilt trip she has because she has another lover.....

If YOU can handle an open relationship, ask her and see if that can keep your marriage together...