I want to know how to better understand marriage and how to improve it. I would love to hear your first-person examples of situations in which you have either succeeded or failed to effect cooperation with your partner.
Maybe you've figured out some good techniques you can share, or maybe you're still searching for solutions. Here are some examples of what she means:
1. Can you think of any topics that you and your partner repeatedly argue about? If so, have you found a way to stop going around in circles or are you stuck?
2. Can you think of a time when you have settled for less from your partner? Not in a bad way, but in the sense of compromise. For example, you wanted him/her to see it your way or do it your way and you figured out a middle way where you could live with less than your ideal and still be happy? Can you think of a time when you haven't been able to settle for less and what happened as a result?
3. Can you think of a time when one of you wanted to do one thing and the other wanted to do something else? How did you resolve it or did you not? Could be big things (where you live) or small things (what to do on a Saturday night).
4. Can you think of any of your spouse's buttons that you push even though you know they're buttons? Does he/she do the same to you? Why do one or the other of you use that tactic or why don't you?
5. Have you figured out ways to respond to your spouse that work better than others?
6. Can you think of a time when you or your spouse has waged a war of attrition? In other words, something needed to get done, neither of you wanted to do it, so you both waited, hoping the other would finally do it? How'd it work out?
7. Can you think of a time when you said something to your spouse, either in the heat of the moment, or just without thinking, and then regretted it?
I look forward to your comments. Please feel free to tackle anyone of the above from #1 to #7 or add your own thoughts to this thread.