I Hated My Wedding Day But I Love My Marriage

The whole wedding day was one  gigantic embarrassment.

We were married 28 years ago in southern Tasmania, when the one time in the year you can reasonably hope for a warm, fine day is January.  So January 16 was the date we set.  It was fine and warm all right - it was 36 degrees celsius.

Everything to do with the preparation for this glorious event had been traumatic.  My parents married in a registry office with no fanfare.  We were getting married in a Church and that is a big deal!  We were dreadfully poor, and did what we could to cut costs.  Mum made the cake and and arranged to have it iced and decorated.  When it was time to cut the cake, we could not get the knife through the icing.  It was like cement!

Dad, being a printer, offered to do the invitations.  We had no say at all in their design.  They were printed and sent out, the writing crooked and all.  We knew that offense was going to be caused over them.  After all, my family were allocated just 11 guests while my husband's family were allocated 189. Being poor, we had no say.  And I learnt my father in law's favourite saying:  He who pays the piper calls the tune.

We grew flowers to decorate the church.  And as I remember, they were  the one success of the day, apart from the exchange of vows and the signing of the certificate.

As fate would have it, Prince Charles and Lady Diana had arranged their marriage in proximity to ours.  The celebrant, who was a friend of ours, managed to leave his notes in his jacket in his car.  So he spoke about the Royal wedding.

My bridesmaids went sailing the day before the wedding and were burnt to a crisp.  They looked like rock lobsters.  And their gowns were pink.  We had to get stage makeup to tone down their skin.

As the weather is always on the chilly side in Tassie and I feel the cold, I opted for a long sleeved, high neckline gown with a long cathedral train.  And a long veil to match.

And for the whole event from woe to go I was a pool of perspiration.

After the ceremony, as we promenaded from the church, my veil decided to remain behind.

So much for the church.  Now for the reception.

In short, they overbooked it.  Guests had to be crammed into limited tables on that abnormally hot day.

They were also short staffed.  The courses were served an hour and a half apart.  Don't ask me what the food was because it was so unmemorable I have completely forgotten.

The band was a disaster.  Simple as that.

Then one of my husband's relatives made a scene about the bar not being open.  My mother was publicly humiliated over it, in spite of the responsibility for the bar having been undertaken by my husband's family. 

Ah!  How many times over the years have I wished we could redo our wedding day! 

But...we have been successfully married for 28 years and have four beautiful children.  We have a wonderful home and even work together in the same profession at the same workplace.

One of our colleagues said recently, "You have the perfect marriage."  And that is all that really matters. 

perseverer perseverer
56-60, F
5 Responses Feb 16, 2010

Thankyou for your interesting comment. In laws and their family members certainly pose one of the biggest challenges to a couple, don't they? You did well to set boundaries.

I like big weddings when it comes to people who are happy with that. Although, I don't really like when it's done just to get lots of gifts. I know in the Mediterranean countries it's traditon to have big weddings, however it's to share their love with as many people as possiable. I know a lot of Americans tend to have big money just for the attention and the gifts. <br />
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I hate having all the attention on me, so I personally only wanted family and close friends. Okay, it would have been on my husband as well, but still that's too much attention for me. I always feel like I'm going to do something wrong. At the wedding here in Holland we had only about 15 to 20 people at the actual wedding and about 30 were at the afterparty but some left early and some came late so we had about 20 people at our house at one time. When we renewed our vows in the USA it was 14 people. It should have been 20 but my uncle was a jerk and didn't want to show up with his family because his father was there and one of them got sick. <br />
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The one thing that went wrong at our wedding was that my sister-in-law who was 24 at the time had a fit in the middle of the service and she kept wanting daddy's attention at the after party so she kept sitting on his lap and it looked like she was ready to make out with him. The funny thing is tthat her daughter was almost 2 at the time and she was more mature than her. Oh well. I don't have anything to do with her anymore. I finally convinced my husband and my in-laws that they can have a relationship with her without me being anywhere near her. <br />
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I think you should be very proud of yourself for lasting 28 years. I don't know what the divorce rate in Australia is but it's rather high in America.

Thankyou! The story about your aunt and uncle and their son is a real corker! I love small weddings. You feel like it is about the couple and their love, then. But weddings as big dos were kind of a cultural thing where we came from . It certainly felt like there was no getting round it.

I am sorry that your wedding didn't turn out so well, but I would be very proud of yourself for being married for 28 years. My aunt and uncle have also been married for 28 years and they got married the same day Prince Charles and Princess Diane got married. However, they had a simple court wedding. It was just the two of them, my aunt's parents, and my mom. Their first son is named William Harry III or IV. I can't remember if he's a III or IV. <br />
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Anyway, Congratulations on a sucessful marriage.

Thankyou. Something must have gone right for you to be married for 23 years! But yeah - I think it's actually shaped my character, like everything I arrange now, I arrange to perfection. I can understand your frustration - you want the special day to be a beautiful memory and instead....well, we end up hopefully being wise and philosophical!