Confused/unsure/thinking

So....I don't really know where to start....I've been married for just over two years now and we've been together for 5.  My husband is a thoughtful, caring, loving, funny, sensitive man and he loves me sooooo much.  When he asked me to marry him it seemed like the right thing to do, however, for the last four or five months I've been wondering if I've made the wrong decision or if we were too hasty in marrying.

When I think about it from a purely logical and intellectual sense I think that I should stick at it because we have so much in common, he's a great husband and he'll be a great father.  However, sometimes I think perhaps we have too much in common and there's therefore little room for growth ... As for the emotional side of things, of course I love him, I wouldn't have married him otherwise, but I've loved all my previous partners/boyfriends as well.  I guess the issue is that I don't feel really strongly about him as it seems he does me and I've only had one relationship ever where I did feel very strongly about my partner (we were together for 3 years).  Further to this, I know that if we stay together I'll have a good marriage and won't need to be concerned about his feelings for me.  However, I guess I'm concerned that if I choose to continue with this relationship that's all it'll be - 'good'.  On the other hand though, I'm not sure that I'm capable of really strong feelings and wonder if my expectations of romantic relationships has been influenced too much by popular media which has made us believe/think that we should have intense feelings for our life partner.

I certainly don't believe that there is only one person for everyone, I believe that there are multiple people that could be 'right' should the circumstances be 'right' and who you 'end up with' is a matter of life choices and circumstance (the concept of multiple parallel lives is intriguing).  But is it a matter of making a choice and sticking to it or do you just continue to choose those paths that feel right (my general philosophy to date)?

So I guess my question(s) is/are: Do you think it necessary to be smitten with your significant other?  Does anyone else feel this way about their significant other?  Am I being ungrateful?  Is it just that we are now past the 'honeymoon period' and now is when you find out how you really feel about each other?

Random11 Random11
31-35, F
3 Responses Mar 8, 2010

I think we all go through phases in our relationships, some periods we don´t feel great, then we go through changes and our view of everything is different. however, if this turns out to be the constant state of your marriage for years maybe you should re-consider. only you can know what is best for you of course. but i do think as we get older it´s harder to find that very intense connection with someone, and many of us are happy with a loving and happy relationship. <br />
maybe more passion is your life in general would make you feel different about your relationship?<br />
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take care:)

Gettinsum, thanks for the thought. I understand what you mean but what I wonder is whether there is a 100% person or if they don't actually exist...to hear my husband talk, you'd think that I possess everything he was looking for in a partner (though, of course, I'm not perfect!). For me, I wonder if I'm overly concerned with something that is untimately unattainable.<br />
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Lightpainter, yes, I am definitely bored! This is also a significant factor in my thought processes and I wonder if perhaps I just need to pursue new hobbies/friendships in order to get whatever it is I feel I'm missing. I guess what it all boils down to is that I don't want to look back on my life and wish I'd done things differently...at the moment I am reflecting on the last decade of my life (as I seem prone to do every 5 years or so) and, though I don't regret any of the decisions I've made, if I had my time over, I would definitely do it differently and I don't want this to become a theme for my life.

The best any of us get is 80%. If he has the right 80% then stay, if you think you can give up 80% and hold out for 100% you will have a long wait.