My Family Has Even Noticed a Difference.....

~ Yep! I'm ME, finally. Sheesh, only took about 10 years. Mahahaha! Of course I didn't really try til about 5 months ago. It had been coming on for awhile though. I woke up one day & just realized I was so FRIGGIN' TIRED of doing all the work! I truly believe that's when the real me started coming to the front. I ceased to be the "dutifully" girlfriend, the "quiet, obenient" daughter. I got sick of doing everything to make him happy & making myself miserable in the process. He loved the "me" that I was before. Of course he did, who wouldn't. I never argued, fought, showed emotion that wasn't loving or horny, never complained about a friggin' thing. Who wouldn't love that person?........... Of course he left anyway, so SCREW IT!
I finally decided that I was going to start to make myself happy instead. I am going to be selfish for once in my miserable life. I am making my life what I want it to be. Not what everybody else wishes I'd make it. I like me, & there are somethings I've figured out in the last 5 months. I am a giver, I enjoy taking care of people I love. I don't do it to "keep" them with me. I do it because I actually enjoy making them happy. What I need to learn though is how to get the same things for me. I don't want to have to do all the work in a relationship. My friendships were the exact same way. I'd end up with friends who didn't care if I was having a bad day, they'd show up out of the blue & expect me to drop everything & help them with their latest crisis. I swear, I was so happy when we moved here & I got away from all of them.
EP has been a godsent. My friends here are more "real" then my supposedly real friends ever were. They care about me. They take the time to read my stories, comment, PM me to see how I'm doing. I love that I finally have friendships that are 50/50. I give but so do they. It's nice. =)
Now that Shane's gone, & I am starting to realize that I deserve better than what I was settling for, I'm happier. I know I have a long way to go, but like I said to a friend just today..................... "I'm an emotional girl, deal with it!" Mahahahaha!!! My heart will always run my life, but I'm okay with that, as long as I remember to stay true to myself. I should be able to handle anything this ole world wants to throw at me..... Although I'm going to hope I get some good before more bad. lol.

Wyn xxoo
 ~ May Goddess bless you all with a blanket for when you're cold, a light so you are never truly in the dark, & a friend so you are never truly alone. ~

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Mar 28, 2009