Scarlet White.

Everyday, I say I am going to change, going to "try", going to be positive...but I always wound up miserable, unhappy, and unchanged at the end of the day. But not today. The past couple of days have been fairly good. I made some new friends, and kept myself busy. But, I came home those nights feeling depressed and lonely, as usual. And, I finally figured out why- I just think too much about what other people think of me. I am probably the most insecure 19-year old anyone can ever meet! All the time, it would always be "****! why did I screw up?!" or "should I really do it? What would s/he think? Should I say it? Maybe I should? I don't know. Oh well, back to more thoughts about how lonely I am!" And I realized that I am just being myself! If I screw up, I can't help it. It's just me! I always screwed up w when I was a lot younger, so I grew up to become someone who would always try not to screw up, and ended up screwing up more than I can imagine. In the end, I screwed up pretty much every aspect of my life! I became a different person, constantly trying to be what others want me to be. I am weird. I am bisexual, I am annoying. I am a nerd, I love to learn, I would rather choose to save a dog than save a stranger, I pick my nose, I burp out loud (really loud!), I have a really long nose, I like to paint on my table, I like to bite my nails, I steal little kittens and let them live under my bed, I smoke, I have tried cocaine and weed, I am insecure, and the list goes on. If you don't like me, then you don't like me. I am finally through with that. If you, however, want to be my friend, you are going to accept me for who I am. I am not changing myself anymore. No more pretending to be that desperate, passionate, fake, depressed girl I was. I like girls and boys- deal with it.
Me, Myself and I. That's what I am going to circulate my life around. I am not going to stop caring for others, just not care about what they think. This is me. Scarlet White, the bubbly, weird, annoying 19-year old girl from Texas. You can't accept it? Tough ****.
ScarletW ScarletW
18-21, F
4 Responses Feb 15, 2012

good on you - way to go !

p.s I just looked at your profile picture you are STUNNING !!! you def don't have a problem with your looks so don't even worry there :)

good on you!! you know another positive thing you could do is work on changing your beliefs about yourself, take some time to spend with yourself daily and write down your name in the middle of a piece of paper... write what you are good at and what you enjoy doing and pick one or 2 of those to do each week, could be something artisitc or even playing a sport WHATEVER you are good at :)<br />
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and with your beliefs write down different aspects of your life that you are not happy with then write down what you believe about each of them for example lets take your worthiness, if you believe you are worthless you will ALWAYS self sabotage and keep yourself there because it is what you believe. If you believe you are unlovable then true no one will love u etc work on changing them and trulely loving and accepting yourself and EVERYTHING will just fall in2 place ;)

thanks! (:

your welcome :)

I was thinking the exact same thing a couple of days ago! still working on it though, but it seems like its working. Good luck to you :D

good luck to u too (: