Scarlet White.Everyday, I say I am going to change, going to "try", going to be positive...but I always wound up miserable, unhappy, and unchanged at the end of the day. But not today. The past couple of days have been fairly good. I made some new friends, and kept myself busy. But, I came home those nights feeling depressed and lonely, as usual. And, I finally figured out why- I just think too much about what other people think of me. I am probably the most insecure 19-year old anyone can ever meet! All the time, it would always be "****! why did I screw up?!" or "should I really do it? What would s/he think? Should I say it? Maybe I should? I don't know. Oh well, back to more thoughts about how lonely I am!" And I realized that I am just being myself! If I screw up, I can't help it. It's just me! I always screwed up w when I was a lot younger, so I grew up to become someone who would always try not to screw up, and ended up screwing up more than I can imagine. In the end, I screwed up pretty much every aspect of my life! I became a different person, constantly trying to be what others want me to be. I am weird. I am bisexual, I am annoying. I am a nerd, I love to learn, I would rather choose to save a dog than save a stranger, I pick my nose, I burp out loud (really loud!), I have a really long nose, I like to paint on my table, I like to bite my nails, I steal little kittens and let them live under my bed, I smoke, I have tried cocaine and weed, I am insecure, and the list goes on. If you don't like me, then you don't like me. I am finally through with that. If you, however, want to be my friend, you are going to accept me for who I am. I am not changing myself anymore. No more pretending to be that desperate, passionate, fake, depressed girl I was. I like girls and boys- deal with it.
Me, Myself and I. That's what I am going to circulate my life around. I am not going to stop caring for others, just not care about what they think. This is me. Scarlet White, the bubbly, weird, annoying 19-year old girl from Texas. You can't accept it? Tough ****.
ScarletW 18-21, F 5 Responses 4 Feb 15, 2012